Sex Techniques and Positions
The best guide to sex positions and lovemaking techniques on the Internet.
Ways to drive a woman wild in bed
1 Stimulate her G spot - and her "A spot"!
You know about her G spot, I'm sure. It's that sensitive area of tissue that lies just inside her vagina on the upper wall as she lies on her back, about two inches inside.
You can feel it with a fingertip as either a raised, ridged area or, if she's sexually aroused, a smooth, bump measuring about an inch or less from side to side. This change in texture is a good sign of how aroused she is - the more smooth, the more aroused.
If you're giving her G spot some attention with a finger, and it's ridged and rough, move back to her clitoris and give that some more attention: this will get her more aroused, and you can then go back to her G spot.
This way you'll probably release her wild feminine energy in a most dramatic fashion.
There's another area of the vagina which is very sensitive to stimulation; it's called the A zone, short for "anterior fornix zone".
It's actually basically the whole of the upper wall of her vagina, though there will be certain spots on it which are more sensitive than others.
The best way to stimulate it is to sweep your fingertips across it in an arc, rubbing, pressing, caressing the soft flesh - just do whatever seems to excite her the most!
You may need extra lube to make this more comfortable for her. In general, inserting one or two fingers into her vagina to massage the G spot or A spot is not a bad idea if she's fairly well aroused - if she doesn't respond, then perhaps withdraw, give her clit more attention and reinsert your fingers when she's further down the path of sexual arousal.
If you combine this internal stimulation with your tongue on her clitoris and a finger on her anus, she's likely to respond with extreme excitement and a massive orgasm - which is always a good thing for you, as she's then likely to want you to make love to her.
If she's really turned on, she might want it had and fast.
2 Be a good lover, and romance her from time to time
Women love romance - it makes them feel special, and it makes them feel wanted. Your partner wants to know that you cherish her, respect her and want her to the exclusion of all other women.
This is what turns her on and makes her desire rampant sex with you: she wants sex when she feels loved by you. Now, doesn't that make it worth your while putting a bit of effort into romancing her?
You can do this in many ways - leave a card for her to find after you've left the house, saying how much you love her (and how much you appreciate her lovemaking).
Call her from your workplace and tell her you really fancy her and think she's incredibly attractive; send her flowers unexpectedly; cook her a meal; seduce her with soft lights and sweet music; turn your bedroom into a lovers' den with flowers, candles, aromatic oils and satin sheets.
Buy her gifts that show you care - they don't have to be expensive.....just something significant.
A single rose can be just as impressive as a weekend away (well, perhaps not quite, but maybe you know what I mean: for a woman, it really is the thought that counts, because what she wants to know is that you are thinking about her and caring for her well-being.)
Part of being a good lover, of course is being able to last long enough in bed that your partner is fully satisfied - by which we mean she has been able to have an orgasm through intercourse before you ejaculate, provided she is able to have an orgasm that way.
There are alternatives, if you really find that you can't last long enough in bed for her to come as part of vaginal intercourse: for example, you can bring her to orgasm through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her and enjoy intercourse.
But it is the mark of a skilled and - from a woman's point of view - a desirable lover that he can control his ejaculation and last for as long as he wishes in bed.
3 In sex, women come first!
There's no better motto than this: women come first. In other words, give her an orgasm before you have yours. Do it by oral sex, masturbation, using a sex toy, or whatever.
But give her pleasure before you enter her and come yourself (unless she specifically tells you she just wants you to put your cock inside her - women don't always want to come, sometimes they just want the connection).
Because, despite what you may read, very few women ever come through vaginal sex - and in some ways it may not even be that important to a woman.
Many women appreciate sex because it feels nice, or because their partner gets pleasure from it.
They often just have orgasms through clitoral stimulation and.....an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.
What? Well, We know you, as a man, like to come inside your partner.
Most of the time, that will be much better than an orgasm you get through masturbation.
But for her, it may be different - she may just want to come, and then for you to make love to her.
It's certainly not a bad arrangement if, like most women, she isn't ever going to come through intercourse.
If you have a tendency to shoot your load too quickly, you may find it helpful to get some information on controlling premature ejaculation.
4 Find out what turns her on
There will be plenty of places that your partner will like you to touch her, and she'll really appreciate it if you take the time and trouble to find out where they are.
This might mean that you have to spend some time gently caressing her behind the elbows, around her knees, on her scalp, between her toes, along her back, and so on, but the shivers of pleasure when you find her erogenous zones will show you the areas to focus on and the places that will arouse her when you touch them.
Then of course there's also the things you can say to her in bed that will excite her, the sexual fantasies you can share which will turn her on, the way you can look at her and make her melt with desire, the acts of love which surprise her and make her feel wanted, the sex positions she finds most exciting, the romantic candlelight dinners that make her want to have you inside her......and so on, and on, and on....it's a lifetime's work, being in love).
5 Take it slowly and let her excitement mount
You, being a sensitive kind of a guy, know that it takes a woman a lot longer to get aroused than it does a man: in fact, it can take ten or twenty times longer. So what do you do to fill up this time?
You kiss, you caress, you stroke her skin, you look into her eyes, you murmur sweet nothings.....oh dear, only five minutes gone by......OK, what next?
Well, how about a sensual massage (see below), a bit of oral sex, running a vibrator over her erogenous zones (see above), teasing her clitoris with fleeting glances of a moist fingertip, telling her what you'd like to do to her, describing her clitoris and vulva (only if you think they're beautiful!), telling her how gorgeous she is, undressing her slowly, kissing romantically, kissing passionately, tickling her, stroking her, even scratching her gently with your fingernails, teasing her vulva or clitoris with your erect penis, giving her more oral sex, then going back to finger play, massaging her body.....In short, use your imagination, and she should get turned on quickly.
Of course, the fact that she wanted sex in the first place means something - she must already have been forward to it, so all you now have to do is find the right combination of stimulation to really get her going.
On the subject of arousal....you probably know that her vaginal lubrication is the equivalent of your erection.
But the fact that she's wet doesn't mean she's ready for sex. Indeed, in research, it's been shown that even when women are very wet they may still not feel aroused mentally.
In short, a woman has to be ready both physically and mentally for sex: it's no use assuming that as soon as her vagina is juicy, you can just stick your penis in and she'll be happy.
Far from it - she will show (or tell) you when she wants you in there, and, no matter how wet she is, you'd do well to wait until there's no doubt she wants to be penetrated.
It's a trust thing - a woman has to feel ready to accept you in her body, and that may be some time after she's physically ready for sex.
When you understand that, you're a long way down the road to being a considerate and desirable lover.
6 Give her oral sex while you finger her
At some point in foreplay, you may want to get her to orgasm. A great way forward is to gently insert one or two fingers and play with her G spot (palm upwards if she's lying on her back, stimulating the upper side of her vagina with the tips of your fingers, a couple of inches in).
While you do this, you can gently lick her clitoris (or around it if it's too sensitive to take a direct hit); this is likely to be a powerful way of arousing her.
Another good way to get her going is to use the upper side of your crooked finger to stimulate her vulva and vaginal entry, especially the area around the edge of her pussy opening and her urethral opening.
You can rub your finger joint up and down this area, almost but not quite touching her clit as you get to the top of the stoker.
It helps if you use two fingers of your other hand to hold back her clitoral hood so the clitoral glans get indirectly stimulated as you sweep your finger up and down her vulva.
Leave one finger extended on the same hand so you can gently stimulate her anus. You'll need plenty of lube, but combined with a tongue-tip on her clitoris, this may well send her into orbit.
7 Learn how to give her a sensual massage
This is the kind of massage which ends in a sexual touch, but works up to it very gradually. You can start with long sweeping strokes over her body, and gradually work towards her sexual areas as you progress.
There are plenty of places on the internet to find out about this: Google "Sensual massage".
8 Make it clear that you desire her
Nothing turns a woman on more than the fact that she is loved and desired by her man.
Yet "love" is such a powerful word that it's wrong to use it unless you actually feel it.
The words "I love you" have the power to melt a woman's heart and open her body to you. So be careful how you use them!
Having said that, if you truly love your partner, why not tell her? If you desire her, and tell her so, you make her feel appreciated and womanly, which will turn her on. You can also say something like: "You are so attractive, you turn me on so much...."
The art of this kind of communication is not to make her think you want her only for sex (unless this happens to be the case), but to convey how much you appreciate her and her feminine sexuality, to tell her how much you appreciate the joy and pleasure that her body and mind can give you.
9 Get her aroused before penetration with enough foreplay
We know that most women will reach orgasm if they have enough foreplay during sex (which, by the way, often means about twenty minutes).
However you do this, it's important to make sure that she has enough excitement, enough foreplay, and is aroused enough to fully enjoy sex.
This may mean caressing her, stroking her, kissing, cuddling, massaging, and giving her cunnilingus, but however you go about it, the object of the exercise is to make sure that her arousal matches yours before you enter her, so that sex for her is just as enjoyable as it is for you.
As to the matter of her orgasm, she is unlikely to reach orgasm during intercourse unless you happen to find a position where your thrusts pull indirectly on her clitoris during intercourse.
This means that the best idea is probably to give her oral sex or masturbate her to orgasm before you enter her.
That way she will be relaxed, satisfied, and ready for you to enjoy intercourse without the pressure of her orgasm (or lack of it) looming over you!
10 Touch her belly and inner thighs
These are very erotic areas for most women, so your partner will certainly appreciate you touching them.
Move your hand gently in a circular motion, palm downwards, fingertips in contact with her belly, preferably moving your hand in a clockwise direction.
Another exciting movement is to move your fingertips (or perhaps your fingernails, for a different kind of stimulation) up her inner thighs from her knees to her vulva, doing this slowly and teasingly, so that she is constantly anticipating the touch on her vulva that you deny her at the last moment....
Such gently stimulation will tease her, and brushing her genitals gently will enhance her desire to be touched more firmly.
If you can discover the other areas of her body that turn her on in this way, she will easily become aroused: but do remember that arousal is much less formulaic with women than men, so what works one day may have absolutely no effect on her the next!
11 Find out how she likes her clitoris to be touched
Men and women's requirements are very different during sex; the penis needs a firm touch, the clitoris a subtle one, at least to start with, though as sex progresses a woman may appreciate a firmer touch.
One thing's for sure, though - you should never apply the same degree of pressure to the clit which you use on your penis, for to do so will feel most unpleasant to her. be as sensitive as you can, watching her responses and asking her for feedback, modifying your touch as she becomes more aroused.
12 Her sex drive is less constant than yours - adapt your sex life to suit
Well, you know how much your sex drive fluctuates from day to day - probably not very much (though it may do as as you get older).
However, your female partner's sex drive is likely to be much more variable, up one minute and down the next, in accordance with the variation in her sexual cycle. Her most sexy days are generally before and after her menstrual period.
When she doesn't want sex, ask her to masturbate you or give you oral sex, or at the worst, do it yourself. being able to accept this gracefully is one mark of an emotionally mature man.
13 Know her intimately
One thing above all else that makes a woman exciting in bed is her complete commitment to a man.
This tends to happen when she trusts him enough to completely let go and give herself, body and soul, to him.
Only when she is prepared to trust and connect enough with you to do this will sex achieve its greatest potential. So your role in this is to be consistent, faithful and committed.
Also, being a strong man (that is to say, having inner strength, a male power that goes beyond the "macho") is a powerfully attractive quality for most women.
14 Make love with your mind and your body!
While women often find men's penises amusing, intriguing or exciting (or all three!), it certainly won't have the same importance to 99% of the female population that it has to you.
So while you might want to show it off, have her play with it, and bring it out on every possible occasion, she may find this male tendency, shall we say, a little baffling!
One way you can make the whole act of romance and love more exciting and engaging for her is to move your focus from the physical to the emotional: make love with your mind, as well as your body.
Tell her you love her (if you do!); leave notes and cards for her to find when you're not there; light candles in the bedroom; stare deeply into her eyes as you come inside her (and don't forget to say her name as you do so!); and so on....there are a million ways to be romantic, and all of them will help her love you well, both inside and outside the bedroom.
15 Tease her as you make love
Let's suppose you are giving her head. You get her aroused, then you back off for a few minutes and do something else.
This will let her arousal drop a little, so when you start again, it has to build up once more.
If you repeat this a few times during your lovemaking, she will have a much more powerful orgasm when she does eventually come.
However, if she is ready to come, and you stop what you're doing, she won't thank you, so make sure you judge this right!
16 Consistent pace and rhythm is necessary for her to reach orgasm
You probably like the speed of hand movements with which she masturbates you (or with which you masturbate yourself) to get faster as you near orgasm.
This is not quite the same as it is for a woman: she will appreciate a much more consistent rhythm throughout sex, and only when she approaches orgasm will she want you to speed up the pace of your finger movements on her clitoris.
Of course, if you're using your tongue on her clit, this can be quite challenging! You could try moving your entire head from side to side while you keep your tongue still.....
17 Don't forget to stimulate her vulva with your penis during sex
Gently tapping her clitoris or vulva or even her vaginal opening with your erect penis during sex is likely to be very exciting for her.
18 Anal sex needs careful planning
This is not everyone's cup of tea, for sure, but it can be exciting and erotic if you can get past the idea that the anus is filthy and only for one purpose.
The best way to introduce it is to gently stimulate her anus during ordinary sex - perhaps when you are giving her cunnilingus, for example, with one finger inside her vagina and another on her anus.
Don't mix them up, for reasons of avoiding infection.) You can also make sure that she is as clean as possible by taking a shower together before sex and gently washing her anus, and running a finger around inside her anal canal.
The same applies to you, of course, for if you have discovered the delights of masturbation with a finger in or on your anus, you'll already know how erotic anal stimulation can be, and how much it can add to the force of your orgasm.
Well, the even better news is that if she has her finger inside you when you come, the pressure of her finger massaging your prostate gland from inside your rectum can be immense!
Of course, latex gloves can always be used, and this avoids any issues of cleanliness.
As for the full act of anal intercourse, well, only you know if you want to try it: I would say that it is a lot less common in reality (mostly due to women saying" no", I suspect) than it is in fantasy, and if you do want to try it, then, as I said above, you need to do some planning.
Happily, there is a page on this very website devoted to anal intercourse.
19 Know what you're doing when you masturbate her!
As you should already know, a woman's clitoris is many times more sensitive than any penis ever was.
This is because it has two times as many sensitive nerve endings in its glans, which - as you undoubtedly know - is much smaller than a man's.
This means it isn't able to tolerate take much direct touching until its owner's fairly well aroused.
Of course, you'll soon hear about it if you do touch her the wrong way, since the sensitivity is so great - so don't directly touch her clit in the early stages of your lovemaking. Instead, gently rub your fingers all over her labia, and up and down the sides of her clit, and in between times play just inside the opening of her vagina with your fingers.
Make sure that you use adequate lubrication, because this is essential if clitoral masturbation is to be a success.
Saliva is very useful here, though it does dry up a bit, and you may need to replenish it fairly often.
When you think she's ready, gently slip a finger or two inside her vagina. If she doesn't seem to like this, she may not be aroused enough, so pay her clitoris a bit more attention.
Where cunnilingus is the order of the day, you may need to be reassuring about how she smells: a lot of women think their vulva is dirty, no matter how much you tell them it's delightful!)
Of course, if it is a bit ripe, then why not have a bath or shower before sex, using non-allergenic, pH balanced washing products which won't irritate her sensitive parts in the same way as soap.
Be tactful! Don't say anything about her body which will hurt her - she's got enough cultural baggage about female smells, fluids and bodily appearance to last her a lifetime, and if you add to it, you might not be getting good sex anytime soon - or any sex at all!
20 Hints on how to give great cunnilingus
First of all, don't make a beeline for her genitals.
You know she doesn't like that - she needs to be aroused gently with attention to her non-sexual parts - her belly, neck, back, for example - before you get down to her thighs and then work towards her vulva bit by bit.
When you get near her vulva, just let your fingers or your tongue or lips casually flick lightly over them, breathing gently onto them as you do so to let her have a taste of the delights to come.
Kiss her thighs, and gradually work upwards towards her clitoris, slowly and surely lingering as you go so she can savor the experience.
When she's aroused enough, she'll start to move her hips in a gentle thrusting motion, a sure indication that she's ready for you to pay her some intimate contact.
Now focus your attentions more directly on her clitoris, for example by licking around it, along her labia, up her vulva, and into the opening of her vagina.
Keep your rhythm going, and offer her consistent stimulation - this is essential in moving her to orgasm.
21 Be adventurous!
Why not try eating off your partner, for example, by putting slices of fruit in or on her body or genitals, or even in her vagina, so you can both enjoy the erotic sensations of eating it off her body or out of her vagina.
When you're on a secluded beach, try woman on top sex, using a sarong or towel to hide the fact that you are making love. You can also do the same thing deep in the forest in a woodland glade, which has the advantage of being both erotic, exciting and romantic.
Take a sensuous bath
Few women can resist a bath with aromatherapy oils, candles and soft lights. While she lies in the warm bath, massage her feet gently to delight her and relax her. She'll love you for this attention, and it will make her much more responsive to sexual pleasure later.
Two nipples are sexier than one!
If you're playing with her breasts or teasing her nipples, keep in mind that her pleasure will be much greater if you tantalize them both at once: for example, try stimulating one with your tongue and one with your (well-wetted with saliva) fingers.
22 Practice great foreplay
Successful sex for women usually requires a prolonged build up. She's likely to need ten times more foreplay than you need to get to the same level of arousal - on average, perhaps twenty minutes or more of gentle, not-so-sexual-at-first-but-getting-hotter-later touch to her body.
Some people would even say that a woman's need for foreplay was so great that the more you signal your love outside the bedroom, with little touches, with the odd unexpected kiss, the better your sex life will be.....
In other words, consider the idea that foreplay starts well before you're even thinking of having sex, that the seeds of successful sex lie in everything you do during the day to show her you love her (or at least, to show her you respect her).
Of course men tend to get bored with foreplay pretty quickly - we want penetration and ejaculation more than anything else, and when we're felling lusty, that does tend to be our main objective.
So, as a man, how do you give your partner the stimulation she needs without it becoming boring as hell for you?
First of all, you can put your whole attention onto the matter in hand, whether that is kissing, caressing, stroking, oral sex or whatever.
Think what it means, how it feels, to be fully present, to be fully occupied in the pleasure of giving sexual stimulation to your partner.
Then, when you're placing your whole attention into your fingers, toes, mouth or whatever part of your body you're using to stroke, kiss, fondle or caress your partner, you'll be a lot more focused on what's going on.
And that means you'll be much more interested in it, which means you'll be much more sensitive to your partner's needs, and much more responsive to her shifts in arousal, and best of all, you'll be a lot less bored about doing it.
But remember that boredom isn't only about what you're feeling: sex is about two people (unless you're masturbating solo!), and you need to think about ringing the changes as you pleasure her......she needs variation in the way you approach her body because a continual, unchanging stimulus may not be arousing enough.
She may want (and need) variation and variety in the way you touch her, the way you stimulate her, and the way you arouse her sexual interest.
So, instead of just caressing her using the soft ends of your fingers, use a variety of touches: try scratching, try running your nails down her back, gently or firmly as the mood takes you; use different types of pressure - firm or soft - as you move your fingers over her skin; try using circular movements of your fingers alternately with long strokes; when you kiss her lips, tease her with varying movements of your tongue, perhaps sucking or biting her lips with your teeth.
And, above all, be subtle! For example, it's a no-no to French kiss her as soon as you start making out: the golden rule is always to wait until she seems more responsive to what you're doing before you explore further, more sexily, or more firmly.
Her arousal needs to shift before she's ready for sex, just as yours does: but hers arousal moves more slowly, and you need to pace yourself.
A woman discovers her desire to be sexually aroused by being physically aroused: a paradox, yes, but what it means in practice is that you start by touching her non-sexual areas, and only when she has awakened to her desire to be touched sexually do you move onto her more intimate areas - breasts, thighs, vulva, clitoris.
Always leave her clitoris to last - a touch when she's not particularly aroused may feel rough, even painful, certainly it can seem irritating. And be firm and clear: don't shilly-shally. A woman likes a man who knows what he's doing and who can be assertive, sensitive and clear at the same time.
The key thing is this: do not touch her vagina or clitoris until her sexual arousal is such that it will be pleasurable.
You may find an indirect approach is helpful: for example, by gently pressing the palm of your hand onto her vulva, you may be able to get some sense of how aroused she is - if she reacts with a pressure up onto your hand, a gentle lifting of her hips, then she may be ready for you to insert a finger into her vagina.
Certainly she will appreciate your care if you are slow and sensitive.
And something she will very probably find extremely exciting is stimulation to her whole labia and vulva area: wet her labia and vulva with your saliva (or a lube) and then move your fingers all over her vulva, gently teasing her with sensuous movements along the whole length of her labia and on the area around her clitoris, without staying too long on any single spot, constantly varying the pressure and movements of your fingers and hands so that she is sensuously stimulated.
You can move onto her clitoris when she begins to express signs of greater arousal - moving her hips, moaning with pleasure, asking for harder and firmer stimulation - and in any case, you'll sense this, because you're fully focused on what you're doing, right?
Another excellent way to increase a woman's level of arousal is to massage her body, using slow strokes with a high quality oil, with attention paid particularly to her back, thighs and belly.
Tease her by stroking very slowly up her thighs without touching her vulva, then move your fingers away at the last minute just before your touch becomes sexual; this will tease her and excite her and increase her desire for sexual touch.
When you reach her buttocks, once again exciting her with gentle strokes of your fingers around her genitals and anus, you may find that she is so aroused that she asks for penetration: she may raise her hips and thrust her vulva towards you. But don't let yourself shorten the experience by moving towards penetration at this stage (even if she wants you to put your cock in her......wait!) Instead, put your finger inside her and massage her G spot.
The G spot is an area of tissue about one or two inches deep in her vagina, along the top surface (as you feel it when she lies on her back).
You'll find that this tissue gradually changes in texture as she becomes more aroused: more swollen and engorged with blood (just like your penis), and simultaneously less ridged and smoother.
As you move your fingers all over the surface, you'll find an area where she is exquisitely sensitive, and and where her sexual arousal increases markedly.
Experiment by moving your finger in different ways across the whole of the inside of her vagina to see what excites her the most - it may be a sweeping movement on the upper surface of her pussy, or movement in which you move your finger in and out to mimic the thrusting actions of a penis during intercourse.
Sometimes I've found that a very good way of getting her excited is simply to apply an on-off fingertip pressure to the very front edge of her G spot.
She'll appreciate this G-spot massage only when she's ready to do so: if it feels rough and ridged, she's not aroused enough, and you need to go back outside her pussy and play with her labia or her clitoris to get her more aroused.
If you focus on the G spot too soon, she may not like it, but when she is ready, a g spot massage can be extremely exciting, accompanied by exquisite sensations which provide her with profound sexual pleasure.
To add fuel to her sexual fire, you may wish to try gently licking or caressing her clitoris at the same time as you massage her G spot.
It's worth remembering that since her G spot is such an important sexual nerve point, when you play with it you may get all kinds of repressed emotions being released and she may well laugh, cry, shout, get angry, or express some other emotion or behavior that seems completely irrelevant to where you are or what you're doing.
Although this can be hard to take, try and keep calm and relaxed - it really isn't personal, it's about all the sexual baggage she has stored in her vagina as what has come to be called a body memory.
Think of this as the unexpressed emotional consequences of a sexual event.
Major abuses like rape or sexual abuse can obviously leave a major emotional legacy, but so can apparently insignificant events such as simply having sex when a woman didn't really want to do so.
The interesting thing about playing with her G spot is that you just don't know what's going to happen.
So you may want a quiet life.
Why would you take the risk of such an unexpected and difficult-to-deal-with response to sexual play?
Well, first of all, whether or not you find it difficult to deal with depends on how you respond.
The best response is to keep in mind that whatever she says or does really is not personal, and that if you listen to the flow without absorbing it, the storm passes as quickly as it came.
Secondly, G spot play is a fast route to maximum sexual pleasure in the form of a G spot orgasm. Such orgasm are much more whole body centered than the focused clitoral orgasm, and can be much more emotionally fulfilling.
They can also lead to a phenomenon known as female ejaculation, which is both incredibly exciting for the man and leads to orgasmic contractions of powerful intensity which can be very satisfying for a woman.
The other benefit is this: if you make love to a woman after a G spot orgasm her vagina will be wet and swollen, a real haven of delight for your penis to penetrate.
After a G spot orgasm, a woman's vagina is as warm, swollen and wet as it gets, and she will most likely be very ready to feel you inside her.
If she comes again during intercourse, as you thrust, she may well have intense vaginal contractions around your penis that make you ejaculate.
This is a simultaneous orgasm and it can be deeply satisfying for both partners.