The best sexual positions and the finest lovemaking techniques!
Advice for women - making sexual intercourse better with your lover!
Women: even though we'd like to believe this is a time of sexual equality, there are still plenty of men around who think it's their job to lead during sex, and to "give" the woman an orgasm....which, come to think of it, might not be such a bad division of labor!
More seriously, of course, if you feel like asserting yourself sexually, you need to be aware that some men find an assertive woman in bed something of a threat - while others love it, and adore the chance to lie back and relax while you adopt the "superior female" position in more ways than the obvious one.
Even so, it's worth trying some variations of old favorites. Consider the missionary position, for a moment: you might want to try lifting your legs and putting them on his shoulders. This permits deeper penetration.
Of course, you might want to find a man who's secure enough in his own masculinity not to feel threatened by an assertive woman.
But it's odd how we all seem to revert to the time-honored sex roles in the bedroom.
Maybe there's something deeply comforting about them, something that gives us a sense of sexual safety. Who knows?
Deep penetration and vigorous thrusting can be great fun for both him and her, and one of the best ways to enjoy them is to vary the missionary or man on top sex position.
This also gives you a chance to move your pelvis with enthusiasm, which can add dramatically to the pleasure for both partners.
Here's how you do it: the woman is lying on the bed, on her back, with her body and bum on the bed. Her legs are draped over the edge.
He penetrates her, supporting himself on his hands as she brings her knees back towards her chest, using his legs to power his thrusts.
Erotic, powerful and sexy (he has a great view of your vulva!) this can lead to deep, deep penetration and a thrilling climax. If you want even deeper penetration, bring your lower legs even further back and see if you can rest your calves on his shoulders as he thrusts.
When you're enjoying sex in the woman on top sexual position, take hold of the bottom section of your partner's penile shaft and move his penis in various ways: for example, tap the glans against your clitoris, or circle the head of the penis just inside the entrance to your vagina.
Or when enjoying the woman on top positions, ride up and down his penile shaft while playing with your clitoris, timing your movements so that you ride your partner's shaft as you get extra stimulation on your clit.
Another idea: alternate long and short thrusts or strokes up and down your partner's penis; or pull back so that his penis is completely out of your vagina and then just go down on him enough to stimulate the first sensitive outer parts of your vagina.
Another exciting variation in the woman on top position is to alter the angle of your body so that you lean forwards or backwards more - this will alter the sensations you get from his penis pressing on the inside of your vagina.
In the rear-entry sex position, you can take control by having your man remain still while you slide back and forth along the length of his shaft - and you can play around with long and short "thrusts" or you can rotate your hips - all of these will give you a different sensation.
Laci Green's guide to orgasm
Vaginal Muscles - mostly for women!
Having a healthy (for which read fit and strong) PC muscle is a good idea because it determines how much sensation your man will feel when he enters you - as well as how much pressure you can put on his penis, and this in turn will have a major bearing on how much enjoyment both he and you get from intercourse.
The things that make sex great for a man are tightness, wetness, and warmth.
This is mainly a physical experience of pleasure, though the psychological aspects of penetration, thrusting and "taking" his partner are also very important.
The things that make sex great for a woman are the feeling of closeness, the intimacy, the sense of being penetrated and the feeling of fullness - so sex may be a more psychological based pleasure than it is for a man.
However, you'll see that for the man to get more pleasure from sex, you need to be able to contract your vaginal muscles.
This gives him a feeling of tightness all down the length of his penile shaft, not just as he enters you.
Of course, as sex proceeds, and you become more aroused, your vagina may "balloon" or "tent", and you may become more wet, so that sensations of friction diminish somewhat. This is rather different to simply not being able to tighten your muscles in the first place!
There are various products available to tighten the vaginal muscles, most notably the Kegelmaster.
But you can establish if you need help in this department by putting one or two fingers into your vagina, then tightening the muscles around them as though you were trying to stop the flow of your urine.
The broader and tighter the band, the fitter your PC muscle - if it feels like a thin band closing around your fingers, you need to do some fitness training!
I think it's fair to say that it can be a fairly disappointing experience for a man when he enters a woman and her vagina is simply loose all the way up, tight only around the entry.
Not coming through intercourse is common
It is unusual for women to be able to reach orgasm through intercourse. It is, in fact, the exception rather than the rule.
Even so, as we hinted above, intercourse can feel great for a woman, for both physical and psychological reasons.
Keeping a fit PC muscle is a good way to make intercourse feel better.
However, simply squeezing your PC muscles a few times a day isn't enough - for full fitness and greater sexual pleasure, you need to exercise it against some kind of resistance.
That's why the Kegelmaster is so good for this - it has a variable resistance for you to adjust as you develop strength in your PC muscle.
When you have developed a fitter and stronger PC muscle, his penis will feel fuller inside of you. It hasn't grown, though - it's your PC muscle which has bulked up and strengthened out, so giving you both greater pleasure during sexual intercourse.
You can also use other accessories for tightening up the muscles in this part of your body! For example, you can get stones made of marble or metal to insert into your vagina.
To keep them inside you as you walk around requires some fitness on the part of the vaginal muscles, so you may wish to start with the lightest and work up to the heaviest. (It's potentially embarrassing if they drop out of your vagina unexpectedly!)
Good tips & hints for making love
If you aren't already sure which sex positions are most comfortable and easiest for you, and indeed which you actually prefer the most, get a dildo which is about the same size as your partner's penis and try it out.
Don't forget to try thrusting as you might in real life, and try different sex positions so you can get a good idea of which give you the greatest pleasure.
If you feel pain or discomfort, try using more lube, but avoid anything containing the spermicide Nonoxynol-9 as it can be quite irritating.
It's also possible for a man to hit his partner's cervix with his penis, since the vagina is not especially long, so be cautious with the sex positions which offer deeper penetration.
Flowback - the expulsion of semen from the vagina after intercourse - can happen anything from a few minutes to several hours later.
If it flows out during the day (if you've made love in the morning) or night (ditto at night), you may want to use a panty liner.
And when all is said and done, remember that what makes sex really great isn't just knowing about good sex positions (though that does help!) but connecting emotionally and possibly spiritually with your partner.
And, of course, releasing your inhibitions and allowing your primal instincts to take over is a pretty good way to enjoy sex to the full!
A wonderful tip for even better feelings in any sex position!
When the woman has a strong PC muscle, she can squeeze her man on each stroke. He'll feel her vagina tighten around him as he thrusts, and this will add enormously to his sexual pleasure!
The secret of a successful love life - varied sexual positions
Most couples try a dozen different sex positions in their first year together, settle on two or three for the next five years, and thereafter find themselves using one particular position almost all the time.
Yet, in the early days of a woman's sex life, her sexual sensitivity may still center sharply on the clitoris, so that the vaginal stimulation offered to other areas by various sex positions is not very intense.
Also, a woman whose vagina has not been stretched by childbirth provides a snug fit for her man's penis, but there may be a risk of pain from positions which permit deep penetration or which bring the penis into play at a sharp angle.
After a few years, the whole picture may change: women may thrill to new ways of stimulation and crave deep penetration or unusual angles of approach.
Men find that certain positions restore pleasant snugness to sex, and that a variety of positions quickly eliminates any yearning for new bedmates.
But of course, the lovemaking skills required to enjoy fulfilling and satisfying sexual relations in many different sexual positions comes only with experience and a certain desire to improve the quality of your sex lives.
The secret of a good sex life - good health
Now, we are not all blessed with good health - that's for sure. And indeed, there is almost no way of predicting what will happen to us and our health as we get older.
But that's life - the lottery of health is something we have no control over, and it's certainly something that we can't plan for.
You can only act responsively, and when problems strike, take the most expedient route to good health, or as good a level of health as you can manage to achieve. regrettable though this may be, it means that you need to turn either to medical advice for help with problems like hiatal hernia, acid reflux, arthritis and gout, or you need to resort to self-help treatment for these problems.
But why does this smatter?
I think the answer to that becomes clear when you actually have to deal with these problems.
Until that point in your life arrives, you can't imagine the effect that, say, a hiatal hernia may have on your ability to enjoy the man on top sex position, or arthritis may have on your ability to enjoy the side by side sex positions.
These are really practical problems, make no mistake!
What if you're a woman and you think you lack sexual skills?
Many women seem to feel OK but not great about sex. It's almost as though they have never learned, never been given permission, to enjoy sex in a fully uninhibited way, never been given the key to unlock their sexual potential.
There are, happily, many ways in which you can improve the quality of your sexual life and your skill and enjoyment of intercourse.
And it's important to remember that when you feel inhibited about fully expressing your sexual self, that men will love it: men adore a woman who is turned on in bed, and however you feel about it, they will see it as a powerful sexual stimulus.
And if a man believes he has turned you on with his skill as a lover, then he will be even more aroused! And here, then, is the first key to enjoying sex and being a good lover - enjoy sex!
Remember, too, that many beliefs about sex in our society are simply wrong. For example, according to a certain type of woman's magazine, if you don't reach orgasm during sex, you're practically a sexual failure.
Or at least that's what you'd assume from the frequency with which advice on how to reach orgasm during intercourse is dished out!
You can take it from me that no matter what you read, or hear, or believe from the newspapers and magazines you read, that far fewer than one woman in ten reaches orgasm during intercourse.
If she does, it's most likely to happen because she's getting some clitoral stimulation or she has a very highly developed sensitivity to vaginal stimulation. For the majority of women orgasms are achieved during intercourse by clitoral stimulation.
Also, if you're pursuing the dream of simultaneous orgasms, remember that these are also very rare: and coming together is not necessary for great sex.
Indeed, the effort involved in achieving it may be so great that you just find it disrupts sex and spoils the sexual pleasure.
In the face of such pressure from all around, it's natural to think that somehow you're not doing sex well, and that things should be better.
But when you worry about not having an orgasm, rather than relaxing and enjoying the sex and the pleasurable feelings it can bring with it, you lose out on two counts: the pleasure of sex and the sense of intimacy that comes with it.
And the sensation of connection with your partner can be intensely pleasurable whether or not you reach orgasm. You may need simply to learn how to enjoy sex and accept the feelings of pleasure that your body can give you.
As a woman, what can you do about this? A very reliable strategy to overcome orgasmic issues during sex is for a couple to ensure that the woman reaches orgasm before the man enters her.
You can do this by having him masturbate your clitoris, or by him offering you cunnilingus - which, incidentally, is the most frequent route by which women reach orgasm during sex with a partner.
But obviously to establish this as your route to sexual pleasure, a couple must communicate what they want to each other, and they must make it clear what is happening.
Any man - whether he is in love with you or not - will wish to "give" you an orgasm. In fact, a man's sexual self-esteem may well be bound up with seeing you reach orgasm, so any information you can give him to help him achieve this end will help him feel better about himself as a lover.
You may not agree with me, but that's the way it is: men feel good when they think they have "given" a woman an orgasm.
So it may well be essential for you as a woman to explain that you can't come during intercourse and to tell him what you want instead - cunnilingus or manual pleasure, perhaps.
When he sees that you are still aroused after your orgasm, and want his cock inside you, he will be delighted to help you attain orgasm in this way!
Sex for a man after you have had an orgasm is especially pleasurable because your vagina is still swollen and moist, and offers even more delightful sensations for his penis than ever!
Above all, please don't fake orgasm. That strategy helps neither of you.
And because women are so conditioned to thinking they have to please others, it's often the case that women believe they have to let their man get sexual pleasure before they do.
But the simple fact is this: it's better for both the man and the women when the women comes first.
After sex, or more specifically after ejaculation, men lose interest and often just want to go to sleep, while women are still aroused after orgasm and ready to give pleasure to their lover.
And men know this too - so all that is required of them is that they hold back their desire to ejaculate for long enough to allow their woman to get pleasure first!
There is always the question of clitoral versus vaginal orgasms. But surely all that matters is that a woman is fulfilled?
If she feels her orgasm to be in her clitoris, then it may be appropriate to describe that as a clitoral orgasm; if she feels it in her vagina, it may be appropriate to describe it as a vaginal orgasm.
But what if a woman has an orgasm through having her breasts stimulated - what sort of orgasm is that? Presumably it depends where she feels it.
The simple approach to the question of orgasms is to find out what you enjoy and then to use this method of getting orgasm - you may find that the nature of the orgasm varies from day to day and from one session of sex to another. This is natural.
So you may enjoy having your G spot stimulated with a penis or a finger one day, and find that this contributes a vaginal element to your orgasm.
Of course, it is perfectly OK if, the next time you enjoy sex, you simply want your clitoris stimulated and you reach orgasm with the clitoris as the centre of your sexual enjoyment.
You may also find that you can reach orgasm from having your nipples stimulated or from fantasy - if so, great!
In general, though, the areas which lead to orgasm when they are stimulated are the clitoris and the G spot.
You can stimulate both or just one of these areas during masturbation or sexual intercourse with finger(s), tongue or a vibrator.
It's obviously a bit more difficult to stimulate the clitoris with a vibrator during man on top sex, but it can be done in certain positions if you wish.
An orgasm during intercourse without a vibrator (and in many cases even with a vibrator) will probably happen when a woman is already aroused and near her orgasm, so that only a little extra stimulation will take her over the top.
This stimulation may be direct to the clitoris or it may be indirect from the movement of the penis in the vagina. In some cases, if a woman is near orgasm, then the extra stimulation from intercourse alone will make her reach orgasm.
Obviously if using a vibrator is the way you can have an orgasm during intercourse, then making love or enjoying sex in the woman on top or rear entry position is more likely to be successful in achieving orgasm because the woman's clitoris is more accessible.
Many women enjoy vaginal stimulation and for some this alone can lead to orgasm; when this happens, it is the stimulation of the G spot which causes the orgasm.
The G spot, as has been well documented, is a small area of tissue just inside the vagina on the centre of the upper vaginal surface, about two inches or less inside.
When a woman is aroused, her G spot is smooth and swollen, and prolonged rhythmic stimulation may well lead to a powerful whole body orgasm. (An orgasm felt throughout the body, not just in the genital or pelvic region.)
And also - the little matter of lube......if you're a woman you may or may not produce enough natural lube to make sex feel good. But many women don't, and they can feel uncomfortable because of it.
The sad thing is that a man can also get a very sore penis if his partner isn't wet enough (and he may well not even know this at the time - but he will next day when his penis is red and sore) - so always have a little extra lube handy, and use it if there's any chance that your vagina isn't going to be wet enough for you both to be comfortable.