The best sexual positions and the finest lovemaking techniques!
Advice for men:
How to make sexual intercourse better
We all know that the type of sex we have when passion strikes - that's fast and furious sex, passionate sex - can be very satisfying and tremendously exciting.
But this isn't the kind of sex that most of us have in our daily lives - and it isn't the kind of sex that keeps a relationship going on a week to week basis.
When women are asked what they want most from sexual intercourse, they all say the same thing - longer, slower, more romantic sex, sex of the heart, sex which shows how much they are loved. Here's what's normal about heterosexual women's sexual desires.
A sensual way of loving, in other words, one that involves extended foreplay, men who are not genital-centered, kissing, oral sex as foreplay, manual play, and romance.
This approach to intercourse ensures plenty of lubrication on the woman's part, an emotional and physical readiness to make love, and a desire to have her lover's penis in her body; it also lets both partners experience their sexual connection in a way that is much more profound than the "purely physical" pleasure of sexual intercourse, great though that may be.
And one reason why you might like to develop this aspect of sex, is that is that it will be forced upon you anyway by the passage of time.
A decline in testosterone for almost all men means that by their forties or fifties, mad passionate lovemaking is rather less common, and the extended form of sex mentioned above is the one that will inevitably give them greater pleasure.
The rampant erections and the ever-ready penis of youth gives way to a more measured way of lovemaking, and a more romantic expression of the sexual self.....or at least, it can do, if a man allows himself to explore the potential of this approach to sex.
Safe Sex by Laci Green
It may not be going too far to say that men of all ages will get greater pleasure from sex if they slow it down, and aim to meet somewhere in the centre ground between male and female desire.
In other words, the man needs to go slower, to be more body-centered and body-focused, and pay attention to the needs of his lover.
The woman needs to respect the fact that men are quick to arouse, quick to ejaculate, and slow to recover.
But more than anything else, when you ask men what makes sex exciting for them, they will say, with one voice, that nothing arouses them more than an aroused woman (to which women may say something like - well, men should take more time to arouse us!).
The irony is that sex is much more exciting for a women when she too is aroused - and many women do not ever achieve this, either by their partner's hand or by their own; yet this is sad, and a loss of potential, for great sex comes out of a combination of passion, involvement, activity and an open mind and an open heart.
There are many qualities inherent in that last statement, but some of the most important are: respect, trust and a desire to please oneself as much as one's partner.
(If you wonder what happened to love, my answer is that yes, it can help to make great sex, but I think respect and trust are more important in creating passion).
The secret to having great intercourse is the same as the secret to having great anything. You have to be into it. Sex is all about passion and lust and the expression of feelings. It's OK to be noisy.
What about infections? It's OK to have sex with a yeast infection, as long as you wear a condom to prevent cross infection.
Needless to say, if you have a sexually transmitted infection, get it sorted before you have sex.
You can scream, moan, talk, or laugh during sex. In fact, in the same way that breathing deeply through a massage helps to enhance the pleasure, many women have said that making noise during intercourse greatly increases its physical pleasure.
So what would an open mind and an open heart mean for you during sex? It might mean expressing how you feel to your lover, saying what you like and what you do not like. It might mean shouting, making noise, letting out your secret sexual self.
It might mean something as simple as being fully present and in your body as you make love.
It might mean something like giving yourself as much chance of pleasure as your lover - all give and not take is as bad as all take and no give.
But in general. the less inhibited you are, the more enjoyable sex will be - though you might wish to monitor how loudly you shout as you come, especially if the kids are asleep or the family is visiting!
And if the idea of expressing your sexual self through shouting does not appeal, then simply try making some noise: a moan, a sexual murmur of pleasure, a growling expression of your incipient desire.
And if you are already the noisy type, remember not to shout into your lover's ear as you come, or use a pillow to muffle the sound of your sexual ecstasy!
Men: if you want your partner to look at you in an admiring light, to see you as a man who knows what's what in bed, try suggesting a new and apparently complicated position for sex.
This will have two effects - it'll make you look like a master of bedroom technique, and it'll give you some sexual self-confidence!
Cast your mind back to the last new relationship you were in: think how awkward it can be when you meet a new partner and take her to bed for the first time - it's not always the lovely romantic thing it's cracked up to be. You're both a bit anxious, you've never had sex before, and you don't quite know if it's all going to fit together like it should.
Trying anything other than the missionary position might seem a bit ambitious, so, paradoxically, suggesting a complicated sexual position might be just what you need to look like a sexual sophisticate!
However, remember that some women crave satisfaction rather than impressive technique, so make sure you're master of masturbation and a skillful cunnilinguist before you start getting carried away with stunning bedroom positions.
As for those promising sex positions, the ones which make you look like a sexual maestro, there are a lot of advanced ideas on this website, which you can easily explore further....but in the meantime, here's one to try! It's a variation of rear entry which sounds hard but is well worthwhile (and, actually, pretty easy to do!).
A New Sex Position
Start by sitting in a chair, one with no arms. Have her kneel on all fours in front of you, then lift up her legs and wrap them around your waist.
She'll be supporting herself on her hands as you enter her; and you can sit still, thrusting by moving her body back and forth as you move her body with your hands on her hips.
You can also put a well-lubed finger on (or even in) her anus, and give her an extra thrill in this extra-special erotic region...and it'll add to your thrills, over and above the excitement you get seeing her bottom at such close quarters as you make love!
Of course men love to thrust in their partner's vagina. But great sex involves more than this! Both the man and the woman can thrust during sex - though of course the movements you can make depend on which sexual position you are enjoying at the time.
Some sex positions offer more opportunity for the man to move than the woman.
The man on top or missionary position is an obvious example of how some positions restrict the woman's ability to move during lovemaking: her ability to make pelvic thrusts is limited when the man is lying on top of her, especially when he is in close contact with her body.
How can you, as a man, make sex better for both partners? Well, you can adopt a different style of thrusting or moving in your partner's vagina.
First of all, rather than just moving back and forwards from your hips in a classic pelvic thrust, why not try a different kind of movement? You can do this in more or less any sex position: try a gentle exploration of your partner's vagina by probing with your penis in all directions.
Imagine you were using your penis like a finger, to explore all the surfaces of your partner's sensitive vaginal lining - her G spot, A spot, and even outside her vagina in the sensitive cleft from her vagina to her clitoris - she'll probably find this extremely arousing.
Gently probing like this with your penis can stimulate her cervix - some women find this extremely exciting, others find it less comfortable.
In general, sex positions which allow deeper penetration such as rear entry or man on top with the woman's legs raised might allow your penis to contact your partner's cervix, so these are sex positions in which sexual thrusting needs to proceed more gently than usual until you know how your partner feels about being penetrated so deeply.
Another exciting way of moving is to alternate deep thrusts and shallow thrusts. There's lots of information on this website about possible combinations of deep and shallow thrusts, but no matter what sex position you are using, a good way of making love is to use a pattern of several deep thrusts followed by one shallow one, or vice versa.
Teasing her during lovemaking by gently thrusting with shallow thrusts so that you find the position of her G spot can excite her more than a regular pattern of deep thrusts.
There's nothing to stop you holding your penis in one hand and manipulating it, or moving it in a certain way once you are inside your partner.
If you hold the bottom half of your shaft in your fist, you can then use your hand to move your erection in a circular pattern once you have entered her to the depth of your fist.
Alternatively, you can do this by moving your hips in a circular pattern, regardless of the sexual position which you are enjoying.
Or you could try moving your penis up and down rather than back and forth, which will put pressure on the top and bottom surfaces of her vagina.
Try rocking your hips up and down when using the woman on top sex position, or lean alternately forwards and backwards in the man on top position.
And, if you're prone to quick ejaculation, one great way to prolong intercourse is to enjoy deep penetration, no matter what sexual position you happen to be using, and instead of thrusting in and out, to simply maintain deep penetration as you "grind" your pelvic bone against hers - this may stimulate her clitoris and help her to reach orgasm during intercourse.
The Coital Alignment Technique
It may be appropriate at this point to revisit the coital alignment technique, which we have referred to elsewhere on this website. The idea is to align the woman's clitoris and the man's pelvic bone during intercourse so that the rhythmic movements of sex stimulate her to orgasm.
Of course, the area of the man's body which moves on the woman's clitoris is padded with pubic fat, so this isn't as uncomfortable as it might sound!
The idea is basically that the man penetrates deeply (man on top sex positions are good for this) and then the couple rock in a small motion of two inches or so, rather than thrusting, so that her clitoris gets the regular stimulation that can lead her to orgasm.
You may find, after a long period of G spot stimulation, that a woman produces a sudden burst of fluid from her urethra - this is female ejaculate, a liquid which we know is not urine, and which seems in fact to be some kind of female equivalent to prostatic fluid in men.
Given the right stimulation, which tends to mean prolonged G spot stimulation, a woman may even ejaculate this fluid in short bursts, just like the ejaculation of semen from the male urethra.
This is an incredibly arousing and exciting experience for most men! If you're interested in getting your partner to ejaculate, the best way is to practice during masturbation. (And to read Deborah Sundahl's Book: Female Ejaculation and The G spot".)
Female ejaculate is sweet and tastes nothing like natural vaginal fluid - nor does it taste like urine.
A word of warning....
Boring though it may seem to go over the same old ground you've heard so many times before, there's a good reason for this: your life.
Unsafe sex does kill people, and all it takes is one moment of hesitation, one mistake in not donning a condom, one moment of sexual excitement that goes too far.
It's great to take responsibility for your welfare and that of your partner - especially if they show no sign of doing so (though would you be wanting to make love to a person who had so little respect for you that they didn't bother with safe sex?).