Sex Techniques and Positions

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Sensual and Sexual Massage

The idea of sensual or sexual massage is a very ancient one. We all know that sex can heighten the senses and make us more aware of the incredible sensitivity of every cell in every square inch of skin. So if you start with a series of practices that are designed to accentuate your sensitivity before you even begin intercourse, sex itself will become much more exciting.

The modern version of this ancient practice comes to us through the work of Kenneth Ray Stubbs, a sensuous massage practitioner in California. His ideas were developed by Gordon Inkeles, in San Francisco. However, there are plenty of other places on the internet where you can get this information.

Basically, the idea is that you give each other a three-handed massage. Perplexed? You needn't be - the third hand is your penis or vulva. No doubt this begins to sound like sex! But sensuous massage isn't just about having sex, it's about a sensuous, sexual experience: and orgasm isn't the goal, though it may happen. No, the goal is sensuous pleasure. And no matter what position you adopt, the intercourse is not for your benefit, it's for the benefit of the person you are massaging. 


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So let's start with a man massaging a woman, while keeping in mind that many of the details will also apply the other way round. Since penetration is a crucial part of the three-handed massage, a man will massage his partner in a position suitable for sex. This is usually the man on top position, with the woman lying full length face down, or lying on her back with her knees on her chest so that her partner has clear access to her vulva. Obviously, in either of these two positions, sex can become a natural and easy part of the proceedings. The objective is to combine the relaxed sensuality of massage with the gentle touch of a caring lover. The woman being massaged must relax completely and not reciprocate in any way, not thrusting if her man enters her, nor contributing to any shifts from one sex position to another, but simply accepting the touch of her lover graciously. 

The massage starts as it usually would - a 15 to 20 minute massage on her body, without any genital touch. If you're a novice at massage, here are some good instructions. 

Let us assume that she is lying on her back, you are positioned over her buttocks, kneeling with one leg each side of her. Your lower body is well-oiled, and as you lean forwards and backwards to ease the strokes of your hands over her back, thighs and buttocks, your genitals can glide over her body easily and smoothly. With sensitivity and care, this can become a sensuous touch that complements the touch of your hands. 

Take up a suitable position for sex

As you continue, let your oiled penis find its way naturally into her vulva. She must, of course, position her legs slightly apart so that you can penetrate her. She's to be a passive recipient of this, and your penetration must be as slow as you can make it: the slower the better, for this moves the process from mere sexuality into the realm of sensuousness. Visualize your hands and penis as all being tools of your massage, so that in effect you are massaging her both internally and externally. Imagine sexual energy flowing from your penis into her vulva as you do this.

Next, ask her to turn over so she's positioned on her back with her legs relaxed and slightly apart.

Remember, you're not to have ordinary sex, no matter how aroused you become in this position. Massage her again, slowly and sensuously moving your hands and genitals over her body until you feel the time is right to reestablish your sexual connection. Lift her knees up towards her chest, and once she is in the right position, penetrate her once again. Slide your penis very slowly and gently into her. At this stage you need to maintain the air of sensuality, so hard or fast thrusting is not required! Instead, no matter how arousing the sight of her vulva may be in this position, focus on the idea of gently massaging her internally with your penis: don't think of just "having sex." Rock your pelvis in a slow and gentle rhythm so that your thrusts are slow, sensuous and gentle, and at the same time caress and stroke the whole of her body with your hands, ensuring that you maintain some continuity of rhythm between the movements of your hands and your penis. She must relax and let herself flow into the experience she's having. The more relaxed she becomes, the better: the aim is not for her to have an orgasm, though this may happen. It's for her to experience the flow of sexual energy through her body.

The slower and more sensuously you enter her, the better the effect - this isn't about fast and hard penetration, it's about taking her into an altered state of consciousness.

You may of course take this all the way to orgasm if you wish, in which case you are very likely to enjoy a massive and powerful orgasm. 

Sex Positions for a woman giving a sensual and sexual massage to a man

This page explains how a woman can give a "three-handed" sensual or sexual massage to a man. In case you haven't read the first page of information on this subject, here are the equivalent sex positions for a man massaging a woman.

A woman can start the three handed sexual massage from something very like the woman on top sex position. To start with, the best place for her to sit is across his lower abdomen as he lies on his back, with her thighs straddling each side of his body. She's ideally placed in this position for either sex in the woman on top position or a massage to her man's upper body! But in this process the sex comes later, no matter how tempting it may be to move into genital contact early on, especially if passionate arousal strikes one or both partners. The sensuousness nature of the massage is enhanced if both partners have oiled their genitals, hands, thighs and abdomen.

As she sits on her partner, the woman can massage his chest, arms, shoulders, and as much of his legs and thighs as she can reach. To maintain her partner's sensitivity to her touch, she can switch between using her palms to massage him and kneading his skin gently with her fingers.

Needless to say, after a period of sensuous massage in what is, after all, a very exciting sexual position, there may well be a lot of sexual energy developing between the couple. At this point, she can lean forward and slide her breasts and nipples over his chest, perhaps holding his arms over his head as she does so to increase his sense of being the passive recipient of her attentions. Once again, this massage is about actively giving and passively receiving. The man shouldn't take an active part in the process - which means that whatever position he finds himself in, he shouldn't thrust or encourage his partner to become more sexual - he should just lie back and take whatever she offers him. The woman can prevent her man from "helping" her by holding him down with her weight on his midriff.

When she judges the time is right, she can begin to move her pelvis - which means, of course, her vulva, perineum and buttocks - slowly and sensuously across his penis and testicles. As she slides her well-oiled lower body over his, she can whisper sensuous words in her partner's ear and kiss him lovingly. If his penis is not already erect, it will begin to grow as she massages it with her pelvis. The aim at this stage is to maintain sensuous contact between her vulva and the opening to her vagina and his erect penis, without actually moving to penetration.

Although the originator of this system designed it so that there was no penetration when a woman massaged her man, instead simply rubbing her vulva over the surface of his erection in time to the movements of her hands over his body, I think there's a lot to be said for continuing all the way to penetration. This means that the woman effectively mirrors the "three-handed" massage that a man gives a woman as his hands move over her body and his penis thrusts gently in and out of her vagina. The woman can slowly and sensuously move her vulva over his erection until she judges the time and the position is right for penetration, then she can gently ease his penis into her vagina. Again, she is the active partner - he takes no part in either the sensual or the sexual elements of the massage; he is just the passive recipient of her loving massage.

A couple can choose whether or not to continue to orgasm in the usual woman on top sex position.

Sexual Massage - points to remember for the woman:

The massage starts as any normal massage would - with the exception that both partners are naked, and your genitals are in close proximity to his. Use alternating hard and light touches - this will keep him sensitized to your touch.

After 15 minutes of touch, slowly alter position so that the whole massage assumes a more sexual aura. Position yourself so you can rub your breasts on his chest, moving them up and down and from side to side, your nipples sensuously rubbing on his skin as he lies on his back with you sitting over him.

Most men really enjoy sex in the woman on top position - the closeness of your  genitals, the intimacy, and the fact that you are giving yourself actively to him - all these things are very exciting, so in this position he may start to thrust as he gets more aroused. You should discourage this during a sexual massage, for the process is about giving and receiving passively. You can hold him down with your thighs to prevent him thrusting, while wriggling your bottom over his genitals to tantalize and tease him.

As his penis becomes more erect, lower your vagina slowly onto the underside of his erection and rub against him.

You may choose to go on and have sex in this position.


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