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Sex Advice Pages
Sex tips 2All About Sex Positions: A Woman's Point Of ViewAs a woman, I may have a different take on the sex positions advice on other pages on this website. Here's what I think! You might want to try out new positions because your sex life has become a bit routine, or for the excitement of something different. Certainly new positions can spice up your sex life simply because they offer new physical sensations and new ways of seeing your partner's body as you make love. However, new sex positions alone won't rescue a dying relationship, or one where intimacy has diminished. What's needed here is better communication and connection between the partners. The basic reason we have good sex is because we love someone; and we love someone because they care about us, they're interested in us, they want to do things for us and they look after our needs. Without good communication, love cannot flourish, and without love, sex will be routine or matter-of-fact, no matter how many positions you try. Having said that, sex is a skill like any other and the mechanics of it improve with practice. So, get your partner by your side and read the possibilities open to you. What makes good sex into great sex?You don't have to be a rampant in-and-out thrusting male to impress your lover. Often the best sex for a woman comes from gentle, shallow thrusts at the mouth of the vagina. This stimulates her G spot, a sensitive area of tissue which lies towards the front of the upper wall of the vagina (as defined when a woman is lying on her back). Some women claim they don't have a G spot, but this is incorrect - all women have one. Whether or not a woman is aware of it depends very much on how sensitized it is: negative sexual experiences shut down the G spot, and it really only comes alive when a woman is open and trusting about her sexuality. Certainly, experiences of rape, sexual abuse, and even sex that was permitted but not really wanted can result in an insensitive G spot - or, more accurately, a desensitized one - and deprive a woman of the wonderful sexual experiences which the G spot can offer. (Fortunately it can always be reawakened!) I need to add that this does not mean she cannot orgasm - far from it, because the clitoris is a reliable route to orgasm for many women whether or not they enjoy the delights of G spot stimulation as well. There's a lot more about the G spot on the female orgasm page of this site, but the point to take away here is that gentle penile thrusts which stimulate her G spot may be much more rewarding than hard, deep thrusts for a woman. Another thing men may overlook is that just having your penis inside her can be profoundly rewarding for a woman. And you may also find that if you lie still locked together like this, you experience something new as well - a level of intimacy and connection that goes beyond the excitement and physical pleasure of regular sex. You're most aware of a true heart to heart connection when you're feeling your love through the connection of your penis and her vagina, not reveling in the sheer pleasure of driving your penis in and out of her. Of course both experiences are great - but you may want to experiment with a more gentle form of sexual connection from time to time. Side by side positions are very good for this. Favorite sex positions The missionary position - the staple diet of sex We know more people have more sex in the missionary position than any other, and yet when you ask which sex positions people like best they never put the missionary at the top of the list! Here are the results of one survey.
Perhaps not surprisingly, rear entry and woman-on-top are men's favorites. The missionary comes in at number 4. The top two favorites for women are woman-on-top facing towards the man, and woman on top facing away from the man. The missionary comes in at number 5. Why is this? Maybe when men and women describe their favorite positions, they are thinking of their favorite fantasy positions - the ones which excite them most in their minds when they masturbate, perhaps. Or maybe we just like to have a regular staple for sex (the missionary) backed up by a few more exciting ones to spice things up from time to time. Or maybe the missionary really isn't the most exciting, but it's easier on the body (especially the knees and back) than most other positions. Who knows? But even though the missionary can be delightful, because it allows the couple to look into each other's eyes and gives good bodily contact, a woman's hip thrusts can be a bit restricted, so she may find she cannot move as much as she would like. Also, her clitoris may not be stimulated enough to give her an orgasm, and she may remain frustrated unless the couple make sure she comes through oral sex before or after penetration. The missionary position described You probably don't need much of a description! It's the one we all know and love: the woman lies on her back, legs apart, and the man positions himself on top of her and inserts his penis into her vagina, usually with his legs outside hers, as in the first photo below. There are a million variations on this theme, mostly about where the woman puts her legs, and how high up the man hoists his body as the couple make love. Basic missionary The woman lies on her back with her legs apart (or closed, a variation described below). The man lies on top of her with his arms supporting his weight. Some women like to feel more of the weight of their man on top of them as they make love: the sense of being constrained and penetrated is something that can be quite exciting. In this position the man can move his hips in a variety of ways: circular pelvic movements are very popular with women, as are the shallow, gentle in-and-out thrusts described above. The man is, of course, also able to thrust deeply if he wants, which though very satisfying for him is also likely to make him come very quickly. The woman can thrust her hips in a limited way and she can also grasp her mate round his back or buttocks to pull him deeper into her or to limit his thrusting movements. Variations on the basic missionary The coital alignment technique (CAT)
Basically this is a way of getting off during sex for the woman. The idea is that her clitoris makes contact with the flesh over the guy's pubic bone so that she gets enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse to bring her to orgasm. The man starts by entering her vagina in the usual way, but then shifts higher up her body than perhaps he normally would. She stretches her legs slightly and places her feet on his calves as shown in the photograph. Then the couple develop a gentle rocking motion. As the woman moves up on his penis shaft, he gives way slightly. On the way back down, he pushes down against her clitoris and she resists with less force than he pushes. The result is a coordinated, gentle, rhythmic, slow-building series of meetings of her clitoris and his pubic bone. Like everything in life, it takes practice. This is more than a position; it's a coordinated movement. It's more vibration than friction. Less in-and-out and more coming together. And if the woman places her legs in different positions, she will soon discover which one offers her clitoris the greatest stimulation. The third photograph below is a very good one for clitoral stimulation. You can read more about getting the clitoris stimulated during intercourse here. Woman lifts her legs Many of the variations on the missionary are about the woman moving her legs into a different place. Each variation shown below will produce different sensations and experiences for the couple during their lovemaking as her vagina changes in tightness, angle and depth.
Woman's legs locked around the man As the woman moves her legs higher and higher she basically locks the man into the position and limits his capacity to move off her. This can be a very exciting feeling (it certainly is for me, I think because it seems to say how much she wants me inside her). And this position also allows the man to penetrate her vagina very deeply, which can be very exciting for a woman and produce some exquisite sensations as her cervix and uterus get jostled during lovemaking. (A warning: if she isn't aroused, your penis hitting her cervix can be very painful!) The only drawback of such deep penetration is that most men will come very quickly, though it has to be said very satisfyingly!
Woman's legs over man's shoulders This allows the deepest penetration of all. While a man is likely to find this very stimulating and get good orgasms from this position, he needs to be respectful and considerate of his partner. She may find this deep vaginal thrusting rather uncomfortable unless she is extremely horny, and even then she may want him to ease off if he gets too excited and carried away with instinctual, hard thrusting. Good communication between the partners will help enormously here. But it can be a very satisfying position for both partners, provided they are physically flexible enough to get into it. It's not recommended if either of you has a bad back!
The man kneels for the missionary A very exciting position for the man if the sight of his penis moving in and out of his mate's vagina is a turn on for him! In this position he can get a good view of his penis, pay attention to her clitoris and perhaps play with her anus and breasts as well. Alternatively, she can stimulate her own clitoris as he thrusts in and out, which will allow her to have an orgasm as he thrusts - a very exciting experience for both the man and the woman since the contractions of her vagina with his penis inside it feel very different from the contractions of her vagina when it's empty. The first time a woman orgasmed while I was inside her was one of my most amazing sexual experiences.
The woman keeps her legs closed An interesting variation on the missionary involves the woman keeping her legs closed. This can produce a delightful tightness around the guy's penis. This position also forces the man to enter from a sharper angle towards the clitoris, which may produce more stimulation for the woman. In this position the man can also bring his legs together, which places all his weight on his partner, a feeling that some women really like.
Woman on top This is a position in the top two favorites of both sexes. It empowers the woman, giving her the controlling role during sex, so she can determine the the speed of sex, the depth of the man's thrusts, and even his ability to thrust at all. She can ride his penis to orgasm, with or without stimulation of her clitoris by either partner. In addition, she can control the rate at which he is stimulated, and tease him as she draws the lovemaking out and slows down his normal headlong rush to orgasm. The role reversal that comes with the woman being the dominant partner during lovemaking can be a very exciting turn-on for may couples. And for men, it can actually be a relief not to have to lead during sex. The woman on top position described - basic woman on top The man lies on his back while his female partner straddles him. His movement is limited by her weight, so she can control the depth of thrusting. Either partner can stroke or fondle her breasts, clitoris, back and buttocks, while she can caress his chest, arms and testicles. The woman can move her hips in either a thrusting or a rocking motion, and she may control the degree of stimulation she offers her man by limiting the extent to which she moves up and down on his penis shaft. All in all, a very exciting position, with a lot of possibilities.
Variations on woman on top The woman lies on top - upside down missionary! The feelings here can be very intense, since the tightness of her vagina around his penis is much greater than in many other positions. Again, the man is under the woman's control, since she can determine the depth and pace of his thrusting. A potentially very arousing sexual position.
Other variations The woman on top faces away from the man To enhance vaginal stimulation, a woman can sit on her man then lean as far forward as is comfortable for both of them. Not all men like this, especially men whose erection is hard, upright against their belly and not very flexible, but it can be great for the woman as it rubs his penis head against her G spot, producing intense stimulation which can result in exquisite G spot orgasms. If the guy's erection is flexible, it can be good for him as well because different parts of his penis receive different sensations and pressures from the wall of her vagina.
The woman on top faces towards the man
These positions also open up the possibility of the couple playing with each other's balls, breasts, nipples, penis, and anuses. A loving embrace To establish greater sexual connection and intimacy, a couple can adopt something like the position shown in the photograph below. This allows them to look into each other's eyes, and to feel the connection between them in several ways: through penis and vagina, through bodily contact, and through gazing into each other's eyes. Once they have got themselves into this position, it is perfectly possible for them to stay there without moving for long periods, and if they do so, they may begin to experience an opening of their hearts to each other. The gradual breaking down of the boundaries and emotional barriers between them can lead to a wonderful connection and an explosion of loving sexual energy.
Other variations on a theme
Rear entry (doggy style) It's very animalistic, isn't it? And that's probably what makes it so exciting for so many couples - it resonates with very deep instinctual genetic urges to mate swiftly and fiercely. And it tends to make a man come with great intensity, since the sight of his penis thrusting in and out of his mate's body and the feel of her bottom backed into his crotch are just too arousing for him to control himself for very long. There are many ways a couple can enjoy this position. She can kneel with her head up or down, with her hips raised high or kept low down. This will alter the angle at which the guy's penis enters her vagina and change how much sensation and pressure they both feel. She can move in any way she chooses to get greater vaginal stimulation and pleasure. She can move to meet her mate's thrusts or she can passively receive his thrusts. The guy can reach around her and fondle her breasts or clitoris. He can embrace her completely or lean back and watch as he thrusts in and out of her. He can play with her anus or grasp her tightly around her hips and pull her back onto his penis. Or he may remain stationary while she moves back and forward along the shaft of his penis - this is a unique kind of sensation and very exciting for the couple as it once again reverses the roles of sex - the woman becoming dominant and in charge while the guy is stimulated by her posture and sexual movements. To gain greater intimacy in this arousing position, a couple can place a mirror in front of themselves and watch each other's facial expressions and make eye contact as they enjoy sex. Men often slip out of the vagina when a couple make love in this position. This is not about his penis size - it's much more about learning the movements that keep the couple together and moving in harmony. A little bit of practice may be needed, but the end results can be well worthwhile! The rear entry position described - basic rear entry The woman may lie down or kneel on all fours, while her mate presses his penis into her vagina. Sometimes it can be tricky for the couple to orientate themselves correctly, so she may need to adjust the angle and height of her hips to allow him in easily. Using cushions to raise her knees or having him stand behind her while she kneels on the edge of the bed can be helpful. Once he is inside her, he can either lean forward to embrace her or kneel behind her as he chooses - the photographs show various postures the couple can adopt.
Variations on the basic rear entry The man standing Most men find this very arousing and exciting. It suggest the wild animalistic nature of sex from which we are all descended: to put it bluntly, it is as if the woman is presenting herself to be fucked. The woman lies on the bed with the man on top of her A couple can experiment with rear entry to find the positions and postures that provide them with the greatest pleasure. A nice variation is when the woman lies down on the bed and the man enters her from behind, though some couples may find it easier to get into this one by starting from the more conventional kneeling rear entry and then lowering themselves into this one. If the guy has his legs outside hers, it can feel very satisfying at a deep level for him - something about pinning her down while mating takes place, I imagine. And although we tend to forget this, it is often good for a man (and for a couple) to have a simple, straightforward fuck from time to time rather than feeling they have to make tender, passionate love each and every time they get it together. This can be a good position for the simple fuck.
Rear entry - sitting Although it isn't, I suppose, strictly rear entry, a woman can sit on the man's lap, either facing towards each other or away from each other. This is a nice restful position that can be tender and loving or more forceful as the couple wish. It's fun to try out from time to time but it can be a strain on the legs!
Side by side
The side by side position shown in the first photo above is wonderful for lovemaking in a gentle relaxed way. It's often easiest to start in the missionary position and then roll over onto your sides, since getting into her vagina can be tricky if you begin from a side by side position. Once a couple are in this position though, the guy is very likely to keep his erection but not to come quickly, which makes it a very helpful position for guys who have a tendency to premature ejaculation. His ability to thrust is very limited, which means he can keep going longer. Both the man and the woman are able to reach each other's chest, bottom and upper body, legs and face. They can kiss mouth to mouth, and he can kiss and nibble her breasts and nipples. They can look into each other's eyes, and feel warm and loving. All in all, it's a cozy, warm position, if not one of the most physically stimulating. The so-called spoons position in the second photograph is a good way to add an element of fun as you make love. It isn't the most stimulating position physically, but it can be exciting for a man to watch himself taking his partner from behind, and it can be good for her if she gets G spot stimulation. However, it may be difficult for guys with a small penis or a hard upright erection. It's also nice to lie together after orgasm in this position as the man can embrace his partner from behind. By moving slightly, as the couple above have done in the third photo, you can introduce any number of variations on a theme. Other sexual positions Sex is about fun as well as passion and love. So here are some variations which you may want to try out to see how you enjoy them. They are not just for the fit and flexible, although the more energetic ones don't come with a recommendation if you have a bad back! Have fun!
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