Advice for women on how to enhance sexual intercourse with your lover! Fast and urgent sex can indeed be a great rush. However, I have found, in listening to hundreds and hundreds of women and men, that extending the foreplay through creating a sensual environment, kissing, lubrication, oral and manual stimulation, and even anal sex, is what pushes intercourse into the realm of the divine. As a man in his mid-fifties recently told me, "When I was a teenager, I could look across the room at an attractive woman and I'd be saluting the stars. Now she has to walk toward me and sit on my lap." A forty something man had this to say about intercourse: It's a lot of work: keep thrusting, maintain your erection, push into your toes, stare into her eyes, and say 'I love you!"' Again, I can't overstate this advice: the factor that most determines whether or not you'll enjoy intercourse is your ability to be an active participant rather than a passive one. Intercourse is an exchange of energy, spirit, passion, and love. It isn't intended to be simply tolerated. After all, this is the act by which life is created. I'm not suggesting that your reason for making love is, ever will, or should be to create a life. What I am saying is that the act commands respect, for both yourself and your partner. Lying there like a bump on a log while he thrusts himself in and out of you is not a demonstration of respect, spirit, passion, or love. The secret to having great intercourse is the same as the secret to having great anything. You have to be into it. Sex is all about passion and lust and the expression of feelings. It's okay to be noisy. You can scream, moan, talk, or laugh during sex. In fact, in the same way that breathing deeply through a massage helps to enhance the pleasure, many women have said that making noise during intercourse greatly increases its physical pleasure. Granted, if you've always been the silent type during sex, you may not feel particularly comfortable with the idea of turning into a banshee overnight. You don't have to, it's merely an option. Try starting off with a low moan and work your way up. This is not about being loud, it's about being expressive and enthusiastic in your love-life. Of course if you should find yourself enjoying the voice of freedom in bed, it is always wise to be aware of your surroundings. Remember this tip if you're in a hotel or have kids sleeping down the hall - a pillow makes a terrific muffler. Many women have told me they feel they are adequate but not great at intercourse. If this applies to you, keep reading. I'm going to give you a variety of ways to express yourself in a more exciting and erotic manner than you might have thought about before. The most alluring thing, according to every man I've ever spoken to about sex, bar none, is to feel as if he's turned his lover on in bed. Men, absolutely adore it when they excite us. So if you want to be a better lover, above all else, enjoy yourself. An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. While there are many ways to actually bring on and create an orgasm, there are only a few names to describe them. A number of women experience a tremendous amount of guilt and disappointment because they can't reach an orgasm through intercourse. Let me put your mind at ease. Less than 20 percent of all women climax during intercourse! In fact, it's most likely less than ten percent of women do. So if you've never had a climax during sex, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Most women can only climax by clitoral stimulation. We've also been led to believe through movies, books, etc., that simultaneous orgasms happen all the time when two people make love. That's not the case: it is very unusual. Many times, women get so disappointed and overcome with feelings of inadequacy about not reaching the orgasm they think they should he having, they don't relax and enjoy all the wonderful sensations intercourse does provide. What a waste - intercourse can be heavenly, orgasm or not. But there are ways to improve the odds of having an orgasm. For women, it's a question of learning more about your body and how to focus in on certain areas. Some women make sure they are taken care of during foreplay; others wait until intercourse. Either way, you need to establish open, honest communication with your lover. You must explain to him that as much as You love "doing it," you don't come by intercourse alone. Believe me, he wants you to have an orgasm. No doubt this will be even more important to a man who is in love with you, but the truth is, even the most selfish man wants to know that he is capable of making it happen. Men's egos are very wrapped up in pleasing a woman. The worst thing you can do for either of you is to fake it. That is the ULTIMATE form of miscommunication. According to men, the three elements that make entering a woman during Intercourse a mind-blowing experience are a combination of the heat, moisture, and pressure. Most women orgasm only from oral or manual stimulation of their clitoris. You don't have to feel guilty about going first all the time, either. Men know better than we do that they are exhausted once they climax. Most of them want nothing more than to curl up next to us and go to sleep afterwards. It's not the same for women. We've got plenty of energy afterwards, and even more importantly, we are left in a state of wanting to give more. It is to their advantage to do us first, and any man with the least bit of sexual experience is well aware of that. How an orgasm is created can originate anywhere from stimulating the clitoris, to the vagina (more likely from stimulation of the clitoris while being penetrated), to the G-spot, to the breasts, to the anus, to the nipples, and for a fortunate few, their minds from fantasizing. Being human, we have to put things into categories, so we want to know if we had what someone else had, and are we normal? So we end up with the categories of where people feel orgasms (clitorally and vaginally), but that isn't necessarily where the stimulation was that created the orgasm. Quandary question: If having your breasts stimulated brings on an orgasm felt in your pelvis, what type of orgasm is this? There are some women who claim to even have cervical orgasms. The solution I offer is, if you have an orgasm from stimulating a certain area, that's a that area orgasm. If indeed you do need to name it. And for those that have a dual origin, you choose. For example, man inserted, woman on top: the orgasm could be from the G-spot being stimulated, or from her clitoris rubbing against him. Again, though there are essentially three ways in which women can stimulate orgasms, women can achieve and feel an orgasm from many different sources. For example, one woman emailed to say that if her boyfriend sucks on her nipples, she will come. Another woman reported that often her fantasies can lead her to climax. You just never know what can turn you on! The three areas for stimulation most often associated with triggering an orgasm in women are:
CLITORAL STIMULATION Non-Intercourse In this case, an orgasm is typically achieved from direct contact, either from him performing oral sex or by manually stimulating your clitoris using his fingers or a vibrator. Intercourse During intercourse, a woman usually achieves an orgasm when she is already stimulated and excited and then gets on top in female-superior position. In this position, she can control the intensity and variety of motions. But as one woman told me, "The only way I can have an orgasm during intercourse is to be stimulated orally, and then I get on top. But if nothing happens within the first five minutes, the bloom is off the rose - ain't nothing gonna happen after that." Another woman says that when she is on top, her husband often uses a vibrator on her. "My husband holds it in place, and while he's inside of me I rock over the top of it. Not only does he get to see me go nuts, he can feel me come again and again while he's inside of me. He says it's like having his own sex show." The G spot Female orgasms during intercourse without clitoral stimulation are associated with what is commonly known as the G-spot. The G-spot (named in honor of German physician Ernst Grafenberg, who first noted this tissue distinction) is an area approximately the size of a bean, located about two-thirds the length of your middle finger inside the vaginal entrance, above the pubic bone in the front wall. If you imagine a clock overlaying the vaginal entrance, the G-spot is typically at 12 noon. When stimulated, the G-spot swells and enlarges to the size of a dime. For some women, continuous stimulation of this area can lead to a powerful orgasm. For others, G-spot stimulation is unpleasant. And just so you know, there are still other women for whom the much- sought-after G-spot has never been proven to exist at all. The research about the scientific existence of the G-spot is by and large inconclusive for it indicates that while some women have a G-spot, others do not. As one sex therapist told me, "Women should not be held hostage by trying to find their G-spots. Some have them, some don't." The best intercourse positions for achieving G-spot stimulation are rear entry (male enters from behind, woman is on all fours), or female superior, in which she is sitting on top of her partner facing away from him. Vaginal Orgasm and The Coital Alignment TechniqueThe "alignment" is between the two parts of the genitals: her clitoris and his pubic bone region. This pubic area is cushioned by the fat tissue so it isn't just hard bone. Vaginas are mysterious places, known to contain many sensitive areas for stimulation. Some women refer to an orgasm as vaginal because this is the place where they feel the most sensation. Sometimes with their partner inside, women find that their orgasm actually comes from clitoral stimulation. Other times, if the man is deep enough inside, and maintains constant contact between her clitoris and his pubic bone at the base of his penis, she can achieve an orgasm via coital alignment technique. This happens most often in the female superior position or with the man in the male superior position; in both he will he penetrating as deeply as he can. Then she or he starts a slow pelvic rocking motion, about a two-inch range of motion, without breaking contact with her clitoral area. It is the constant contact and motion that brings her to climax. FEMALE EJACULATION Some women ejaculate regularly; others, rarely; some, never. Female ejaculation can occur during intercourse, manual play, or during oral sex (cunnilingus). And women who can ejaculate typically know they do, and have had to deal with partners or themselves thinking they have urinated - not so. The source of the fluid is apparently the Bartholin glands, which respond like salivary glands. They squirt, and are located on either side of the urethra, hence people assume the ejaculate is urine. Men who have tasted and smelled female ejaculate have said, It has a taste and smell all its own." It has been reported by some as tasting sweet; others say it is little or no different from vaginal secretions. Before I get into the different positions for intercourse, I want to say two words - safety and lubricant. We've already discussed both in great detail so there is no reason to go on and on about them again. Just remember that it is sexy to be responsible. Insisting on safe sex until you know for sure that you're both healthy and disease-free is a sign of class as well as a show of respect for both yourself and your lover. Using additional lubricant beyond that which your body produces naturally can only enhance your sexual experience. Whether you self-lubricate or not, no woman stays wet forever. Applying lubricant to him or yourself before or during a sexual encounter will ensure long-lasting comfort. You know how painful it can he to have a man enter you when there's not enough moisture for him to slide in easily. It can also cause severe chafing and soreness to his penis, a condition he may not notice at the time, but will most definitely feel later. When this happens, it makes it difficult for him to enjoy intercourse again within a short period of time. The vagina, in its most sexually ready state, should fit a man's penis like a warm, wet, kidskin glove.
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