Sex Techniques and Positions
The Woman's Orgasm - Clitoral and G spot - Female Ejaculation
The next stage of great sex!
If you're dedicated enough to practice all the sexual techniques that we have discussed so far, there are plenty of variations which you can bring to your lovemaking. This is about refined technique, about the capacity to adapt what you do as lovemaking continues so that both your pleasure and that of your partner is increased.
Of course, regular thrusting which gradually leads to a faster rhythm and eventually a powerful orgasm is all very well, and indeed it can provide very satisfactory sex. However, if you're a man who wants to last longer in bed, you might wish to adopt some Tantric techniques so that your female partner can share the pleasure as well. For many women, orgasm will come during intercourse when the man can provide long-lasting thrusting, at a regular rhythm that stimulates her G spot in a consistent and strong way - unfortunately, these are the conditions which make many men ejaculate fairly quickly! (Many Tantric practitioners I have met suggest using a finger to stimulate a woman's G spot in this way, but the women with whom I have been privileged to have sex never seem to find this as exciting as my penis!)
However, one way of coping with impending ejaculation is to slow down your thrusts, or to take shallower thrusts. Conversely, of course, one way to speed up your orgasm is to thrust harder and faster. In Tantric terminology, each type of thrust has its own evocative name - which is not necessarily related to the actual style of thrusting (at least, not as far as I can see!). So, to give you a flavor of these variations, I present to you some exciting sexual techniques:
Horse thrusts - not guaranteed to extend intercourse, sadly, but wild horse thrusts imply that the man bucks and thrusts wildly, going into his partner deeply, thrusting himself forward like a wild horse crossing a lake!
The snake thrusts are those where the man pushes his erect penis very slowly into his partner - but goes into her vagina deeply.
The mouse thrusts - think of a mouse: the movements of a man making mouse thrusts are shallow and quick, like the fast, focused movements of a mouse running through the undergrowth.
Eagle thrusts involve the man making thrusts which are punctuated by moments of rest - motionless - with the man holding his penis at the entrance to his partner's vagina, before he swoops down inside her with force and energy, as though he were an eagle trying to catch his prey.
You are probably getting the idea now, so think of the movements of a sparrow. Would it surprise you to learn that the sparrow thrusts are those which are very shallow, delicate and energetic, playing and pecking around the entrance to the vagina?
So it goes on.......the ox thrusts are alternate deep and shallow thrusts by the man, while the bear thrusts are the opposite of the eagle thrusts: in other words, the man holds his penis as deeply in his partner as he can before withdrawing and re-entering.
All of these variations on sex positions will give you and your partner a different experience, some of which can lead to wonderfully different sexual sensations. All of these techniques will give you different feelings, different delays in intercourse before you ejaculate, and they may even give you the techniques to bring your partner to orgasm.
The famous pubococcygeus muscle....
The pubococcygeus muscle is also called the PC muscle. It's the muscle that allows you to stop your urine flow in mid-stream, and - at least in the belief system of some ejaculation control gurus - allows you to stop your ejaculation by clenching it down tightly when you reach the point of imminent ejaculation (the point of ejaculatory inevitability). For various reasons, not least of which is that it is incredibly difficult to actually stop yourself ejaculating by using your PC muscle, I don't recommend this technique for men who need to control their ejaculation. (Instead try www.aspectsofloving.com)
However, the extraordinary thing is that the Tantric tradition involves great use of the PC muscle, and the way that the Tantrikas suggest that you should train it, so as to help you get more powerful ejaculations and orgasms during intercourse, is by clenching and unclenching it up to one hundred times a day. Paradoxically, this will also help with ejaculation control, and as another benefit it will also improve blood circulation and muscle fitness..
And to take the trained PC muscle idea way, way further.....
The devoted Tantrikas will tell you that control of your body is a wonderful thing, and that if you wish to develop control of your sex muscles to give you the ultimate level of sexual pleasure, then you should aim to develop control the "movements" of your testicles by using your pubococcygeus muscle! They call it the testicle dance, apparently, and the way you do it is this: start by standing naked in front of a mirror, with an erection. When you twitch your PC muscle, your erect penis will twitch slightly. (By the way, one way of training the pubococcygeus muscle is to put a towel on your penis and then twitch it up and down with the PC muscle!)
Now, once you have mastered the
art of the penile twitch, look at your testicles. You'll see one of them moves
up slightly when you twitch your penis: if you practice long enough and hard
enough you'll find that you develop the ability to raise your testicle by a considerable
amount! With constant
practice you'll be able to get it to rise considerably. With training, you can
even raise up to a kilo tied to your testicles.....apparently. Why you would
wish to do this, however, is another issue.....
How does the energy of the female orgasm feature in Taoist philosophy? Well, first of all, women's sexual energy is very different to men's. However, sex is complementary - neither kind of energy is better or worse than the other. Indeed, both types of energy are needed for completion of the sexual energy circle. So the Yin energy of women is cooler and darker, and may need male Yang energy to fire it up, to get it going. However, the major difference is that female sexual energy is unlimited, and male energy is not - a man can be depleted by ejaculation, while a woman's sexual energy is enhanced by sexual orgasm. When the female generative power meets the male sexual power, they combine into the ultimate power that lies behind the Universal manifestation.
Taoists do not seek to restrict female orgasm - but they certainly do seek to restrict male sexual energy. This means that women can enjoy sex as much as they choose.....with as many orgasms as they can experience.
Developing female sexuality
What you "use" sex for depends on many factors. The simplest way to see sex is as a source of physical pleasure. Those who believe that sex can be a route to a high level of spiritual enlightenment may take a Taoist view and wish to learn how to fully enjoy their sexuality and their connection to universal sexual energy.
However, a lot of women in the west have problems accepting their sexuality, in fully getting into their bodies and orgasmic potential. They are also confronted with a wide variety of images which don't work to enhance a holistic view of female sexuality, but rather work to inculcate an attitude where women may regard themselves as sexual objects and appendages of men's sexual desire rather than fully sexual human beings in their own right.
When a woman has a psychological issue with acceptance of her sexuality, she needs to work through this before she can take full ownership of her sexuality and become both whole-heartedly and whole-bodily orgasmic and develop her connection to the universal source of spiritual sexual energy. There are of course a number of ways in which women can become more fully sexual and orgasmic, involving exercises to bring them into full awareness of their sensual nature and connection with divine sexuality. There are those who would take the view that a woman who was fully "into" her sexuality was not only sexually liberated, but fully sexual, fully empowered, and emotionally satisfied. An "orgasm a day" certainly does keep the doctor away!
One of the ways in which women can develop full awareness of their sexuality is through the practice of Tantric sex. A person (man or woman) who takes a spiritual view of sex becomes a lover of not only their sexual partner, but also of God, the divine, and the Universe in general. Makes you see sex in a whole new light, doesn't it?
Female Orgasm Comes In Many Different Forms
An important part of Tantric philosophy is that women's orgasms are not
limited to the "simple" clitoral orgasm. Indeed, while we in the West might
think that we discovered the G spot, the truth is that the capacity of women
to enjoy various types of orgasm has long been recognized by the Tantrikas.
Whereas the Tantric texts frown on male masturbation, they regard female masturbation as worthwhile, even to be recommended. The yin energy has to be dissipated at times when your lover is not there. And by knowing your orgasm well you can relax and enjoy the spiritual aspect without having to worry about technique or false expectations. Begin by knowing the different types of orgasm and how you respond to them.
The Clitoral Orgasm
Hopefully you know where your clitoris is located. If not, this website has a detailed account of female sexual anatomy: Sex and Relationships. It's actually above the vaginal opening at the point where your labia meet. It's a small bud, which swells up when you're sexually aroused, and is responsible for the majority of female orgasms. There aren't actually many sex positions in which the clitoris is stimulated during intercourse (see the Coital Alignment Technique sex position on this website for one of these), so a woman who is going to reach an orgasm during intercourse generally needs to have additional stimulation to her clitoris - unless she has a G spot orgasm, which is described below.
Consider how a clitoral orgasm actually feels. When you have an orgasm in this way, experience the orgasm fully. From where in your body does it feel as though the orgasm is spreading out? What sort of stimulation is most exciting? Do you like vaginal penetration at the same time as clitoral stimulation? Can you and lover be open about masturbation, so that you enjoy clitoral stimulation by either your own hand or by his all the way to orgasm?
As we all know, most men cannot last long enough during sex to bring a woman to a vaginal orgasm - the stimulation required is long and persistent. If a man can thrust in a regular rhythm for upwards of fifteen or twenty minutes before he ejaculates, he may be able to bring his partner to orgasm through intercourse alone. If not, he can blend the stimulation of his partner's clitoris with stimulation of her G spot, using his tongue or lips or hand externally and a well-lubricated finger internally. If, however, you are one of the fortunate couples who can reach orgasm through vaginal thrusting alone, you'll know how different a vaginal orgasm feels to a clitoral one.
The Tantric texts have always had a lot to say about the importance of the G spot. It's located an inch or two inside the vagina on the upper surface (viewed as a woman lies on her back). Its sensitivity to stimulation varies from woman to woman - in some cases it may need to be desensitized by a loving partner if a woman has not previously experienced G spot arousal. There are many sex positions which allow a man to increase pressure and stimulation on the G spot, so that the chance of his lover reaching orgasm this way is increased. In general, the right position for G spot stimulation is the one in which the head of the penis, or the coronal rim, rubs against the G spot gently but persistently in a rhythm that suits his partner's particular sexual characteristics. The angle of his erection and the angle of her vagina will also have an impact on the choice of position which is best for G spot stimulation.
At a high level of arousal, women can experience blended orgasms, where they get orgasmic sensations from the clitoris, G spot and deeper in the vagina all at the same time. This may be the most rewarding kind of orgasm for a woman, and requires patience and love and trust between the partners during their lovemaking. For example, a man may be bale to use his penis to stimulate the G spot while he uses his finger and thumb to stimulate his lover's clitoris. If he adds anal stimulation into the mix as well, he may be bale to add even greater pleasure to his partner's orgasm.
The question of female ejaculation has been raised many times, especially with the growth of interest prompted by the internet. I suppose the question on everyone's lips is "Is it a real experience or is a woman just peeing?" The answer is a resounding "Yes, it's real!" Under the right conditions, with prolonged G spot stimulation, a woman will ejaculate a varying amount of fluid - which is definitely not urine - at orgasm as her orgasmic spasms propel this fluid from her urethral glands. You're most likely to see it as a sudden increase in a woman's wetness at the moment of orgasm rather than as a dramatic ejaculation! The techniques for producing a genuine ejaculation need to be learned, and they involve fairly vigorous stimulation to a woman's G spot - though I have seen enough evidence of ejaculation on the internet to believe that all women are capable of it, whether they know it or not, with the right stimulation. Some women produce a large amount of ejaculatory fluid, and others produce less: but all women are capable of it, given the right stimulation, and the Taoists implicitly recognized this fact in the name they gave to the fluid: nectar of the moon. It was thought of as being very healthful for men, since it was highly charged with female sexual energy!
Your Pubococcygeus Muscle (PC Muscle)
The power of the PC muscle should not be under-estimated (in men or women, though here we focus on its importance in women's sexual arousal). It's a muscles which is directly involved in all the sexual responses, extends throughout the genital area, and adds greatly to the pleasure of orgasm the more powerfully it contracts during your orgasmic spasms. You can identify your PC muscle by stopping your urine flow in mid-stream, or by placing a finger inside the vagina and gripping your finger by clenching your vagina. It is easy to develop a strong PC muscle, although you really need to strengthen it with a routine of exercise against resistance - which is why the Kegel Master, or similar machines, are ideal for the purpose.
Couples where the woman has been
keen enough on sexual pleasure to devote time to using the Kegel Master report
that sexual pleasure is dramatically increased when the vaginal muscles are
toned and strong - this is not the same as simply having a tight vagina, since
tightness does not equate to strength. A woman with properly toned vaginal
muscles can bring a man to orgasm simply by squeezing and relaxing her muscles
around his penis without any other movement!
In changing a man from a perhaps rather self-oriented lover to a man whose main focus is on his ejaculation and pleasure, to one whose focus is on mutual pleasure and equality, one who knows how to please you truly and deeply, two main things are needed: great levels of self-awareness on your part and good communication skills. And I suppose you could also add "a healthy openness about sex and sexuality".
Oral Sex - Cunnilingus
Oral sex is one of the most intimate acts a man can offer a woman. And if the woman is able to receive it willingly, without embarrassment or shame, then it can be a route to great sexual pleasure. The sensation of your partner's lips and tongue on your vulva, labia and clitoris can be incredibly arousing and rewarding, almost as though your partner is worshipping you and honoring your female sexuality. There are several things that help it to work: first of all, tell your partner what feels good and what feels less good so that he knows what to do and can give you the greatest pleasure. Some women begin to get irritated when their partner fails to give them pleasure in the way they would most like, while not recognizing that he has no way of knowing what this may be unless you tell him! Secondly, if you want his finger inside you, or outside, in a particular place, you need to give him feedback so he can meet your needs. Yes, this can be distracting the first few times you do it; yes, he may need to be reminded a few times before he's got the skill - but after than, your level of subtle communication will be such that you can lose your self in the sexual experience, and he should by then be able to respond to slight shifts in your body position during oral sex that allow him to work out almost intuitively what you want.
Finally, keep in mind that sex is something that involves two people. If he's giving you oral sex, it's always helpful to keep his sexual energy high by holding his erect penis. And remember that when he ejaculates, his energy will drop and he may lose interest in sex - which is why it's important that you are satisfied first! You, the female Goddess, feed his male energy. He guides you to the enjoyment of your sexual pleasure, and his sexual interest and excitement is kept high by feeling your arousal and pleasure peaking. Without the right sexual response form each other, the whole experience of sex becomes less enjoyable and satisfying for you both. But each of you has some responsibility: you, the woman, need to worship his male energy, and respect his power as a man; if he comes too quickly, then your responsibility is to communicate to him exactly what would make things better for you and what you expect of him during sex. His responsibility is to work at prolonging the length of time for which he can thrust before he ejaculates, so that the possibility of you both receiving greater pleasure is increased.