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Best Sex Positions For Sex After 50
Lack of adventurousness in sex quickly leads to boredom, and boredom with sex then introduces all kinds of psychological issues which eventually bring about disharmony in the relationship.
Where there is sexual harmony based on openness between the two partners, and a wide variety of advice in lovemaking and intercourse is available to a couple (the wider the better), there is far less likelihood of psychological and emotional difficulties arising.
That is to say - if you look after the physical side of making love and sex, the psychological side often looks after itself.
In other words, in case it's not clear: have a lot of sex, and you'll feel better, be closer as a couple, and generally emotionally healthier. That's true at any age.
This certainly applies to sex between two people in transition from the peak of sexual activity to the declining maturity of midlife, and the experience of sex after fifty.
Sadly, for most couples, if sex has has never played a significant part before midlife, it usually ceases to play a significant part in middle age and beyond; sex after 50 becomes practically or literally non-existent.
Women who have become bored with sex may use the menopause as a reason for avoiding sex. Mind you, the faults are not all on the woman's side. The man aids and abets her, though he may protest that he would like sex, but his wife won't co-operate.
More often than not, you will find that the partner of these women is a man who "lets himself go" physically after fifty years of age.
He develops a paunch, he smokes and drinks moderately or even heavily; takes little exercise; and all these things physically affect his sexual responses.
And some men make work responsibilities an excuse for discontinuing sexual activity, or slowing them down.
Work responsibilities are indeed tiring, but it is not just the work which provides his worries.
Children are more expensive than they have ever been. Wages and salaries may lag behind needs.
The early years of middle-age can be trying and worrying years, and are made harder by some of the unavoidable physical changes which overtake a man at this time.
This is why it is so absolutely essential that a man knows how to give a woman an orgasm. And that he continues to practice those skills as time goes by.
As I have said earlier, some men panic when they become aware that they are slowing down physically, and some even indulge in unusual behavior in order to prove to themselves that they are not as old as they feel.
But far more withdraw from sex after fifty, at least to some degree, using their physical tiredness as an excuse.
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But a man has to be very tired indeed before he becomes sexually unresponsive. And here's the irony: making love when you are tired, if it is taken gently, and perhaps with the woman as the active partner, can be more relaxing than the deepest sleep.
Orgasm provides relief both sexual relief and relief from stress. It relaxes the mind wonderfully. Therefore saying "no sex" because you're tired is not really a good reason for avoiding an enjoyable sex session with a great orgasm. And then sleep will be more refreshing too.
But what about sexual ignorance? Does it still exist, even in these enlightened days? I had this email the other day from a woman: "My husband, who is fifty-four, has decided not to have intercourse any more.
He says that he has read somewhere that ejaculation of semen places a greater and greater physical strain on a man after fifty, and that if he continues to have regular sex he will have a shorter expectation of fife than if he shuns sex altogether.
Is there any truth in this? If not will you please do your best to convince him there is not. I hope there is not, because, although I am fifty, I still have strong sexual urges, despite the fact that I have got over the menopause, and I would be very unhappy indeed if I thought I would have to go without sex for the rest of my life."
There is no truth in the idea that sex after fifty drains a man of some essential energy.
But, if he begins to find ejaculation tiring, then he can enjoy intercourse but not take it as far as ejaculation every time.
As I have said, women seem easily able to withdraw from active sex.
This is not true of men. Even where a man doesn't try to adjust to his changing sexual requirements, there are times - unless he is totally impotent - when his sexuality will impinge on his consciousness by means of morning erections.
An erection, whether it is involuntarily or voluntarily induced, gives rise to sexual thoughts.
These serve to remind the man that the fire that once burned in his loins has not completely gone out. Often, if he does not get sex, bitterness and resentment soon follow.
In some relationships, when the woman doesn't have to worry about pregnancy any more, her sexual desire may take on qualities which it never had before.
Suddenly she finds that she wants sex after 50 at double the frequency that she did when she was in her mid-thirties and forties; and she finds, too, that sex and lovemaking has become a vastly more pleasurable experience than she can ever remember it.
If she is married to a sexually lazy man, she can become frustrated and bitter. What upsets her, almost as much as being deprived of sex, is her inability to arouse her man sexually. She takes great trouble with her appearance; she makes herself physically desirable.
That was how she won her lover at the beginning, and she believes she should be able to win him this way now. But she is brushed aside with his superficial rejection: "I'm sorry, I'm too tired."
Sometimes a sexually reinvigorated woman may demand so much of a man that he develops psychological impotence - he feels he cannot keep up with her.
Many women feel this kind of rejection even more acutely. They regard their partner's impotence as the final insult, chiefly because there is nothing they can do about it.
I know one such couple. Before and during the menopause, she was overweight and dressed accordingly. Then suddenly a transformation began, and was so striking that no-one could help noticing it. But as time passed the sparkle went out of her eyes.
Before long they were bickering, not between themselves in private, but in my office. They said the most unpleasant things to one another, at first making pointed veiled comments and later direct references to the other's sexual failings.
(He: "You're like a bitch on heat - sex mad." She: "He can't even get it up and fuck me.")
She was much more cruel than he was, but if she had understood the psychology of male sexuality, she would have realized that her treatment of him would not restore his virility, but destroy it even more.
While I have a good deal of sympathy for them both, the fault really lies with him. I do not believe he was so blind that he did not notice the physical transformation in her - she is a very attractive woman indeed - though he might have been thick-headed enough, at first, not to appreciate that the motive behind the transformation was sexual.
But she obviously simply put on more pressure when she found he was not responding to her seduction.
He might have worked something out with her early on, but now the hostility is so great that only professional counseling will help keep them together.
The only consolation I can personally find in all these cases is in my statistics, which show that happy, sexually satisfied over-fifty couples outnumber the sexual drop-outs by five to one.
But this is far too high a proportion of drop-outs in any case, so my consolation is small.
And all that fun being missed - imagine, if all these unhappy couples had good sex after fifty, how much happier the world would be!