Sex Techniques and Positions
The Power Of Orgasm in Tantric Sex
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Hindu Tantric texts suggested that the orgasm could become a spiritual experience, with the sexual energy associated with it being used for the highest motive - not just, for example, using it to help yourself get to sleep! If men do not ejaculate when they reach orgasm, then they too can use the orgasmic energy which flows around their body at the moment of peak sexual experience for a higher purpose, a spiritual purpose, in fact.
Have you ever stopped to consider what an orgasm feels like? Have you ever thought about how it affects your body? And have you ever relaxed into the energy flow and observed how the energy flows around your body at the moment of orgasm? Here are some exercises which may help you to do just that.
Take your partner to orgasm and make an effort to stay conscious with your partner as you enjoy your orgasm; remind each other to stay present and look into each other's eyes as you experience the moment of orgasm. This can be challenging, especially if you are not used to such levels of intimacy.
But it will give you a different experience of orgasm to the one you have when you close your eyes and simply allow yourself to be fully with and into your own orgasm.
Next, do the same thing again - not, of course, necessarily on the same day! - and this time try following the energy flow around your body as you approach and enter your orgasm. In particular, try touching the roof of your mouth with the tip of your tongue, just behind your top set of front teeth as you come.
See if you can detect any particular energy flow that makes this experience different form the other ones you already had. Discuss it with your partner and see how they experienced their orgasm.
One way to explore the idea that energy flows around the body at the moment of orgasm is to enhance this process by bringing yourself and your partner right up to the brink of orgasm but not beyond it. You know how best to arouse your partner, with gentle massage, fondling, caressing, and stroking; you also know what turns your lover on.
Now use these skills and your knowledge to arouse them so that they approach the point of orgasm but they don't quite go over the edge.
As you reach their point of no return, slacken off the stimulation and let the energy subside. Repeat this as often as you can in the same session of lovemaking.
You can of course also do this solo, with yourself as both stimulator and observer.
You may well discover a lot that you didn't know before about your sexual response. You may discover, for example, where your point of no return actually is - you may never have felt it so clearly before.
One of the great advantages to this process is that it can help you to develop much greater capacity to last during intercourse before you ejaculate - very useful if you happen to be a premature or rapid ejaculator.
And because the energy is flowing around your body at much higher levels than before, you may well find that all of the touch you receive from your partner or yourself is much more enjoyable - or much less pleasurable - well, at the very least it will feel different!
All of this experimentation will give you a knowledge of your body and your sexual responses which will allow you to enjoy sex in a fuller way - or at least experience sex with a much greater level of background knowledge about what arouses you. In theory, this should allow you to enjoy better sexual responses and a fuller sexual experience with your partner.
After all, you now have the key to which bits of your body you enjoy being stimulated the most, and how this stimulation affects you.
One of the more enlightened things about Taoist practice was that men and women were encouraged to be open about sexuality, and that if they had inhibitions, they could use picture books full of explicit drawings to break down the barriers of their shyness and explore sexual possibilities together.
They could indicate what they wanted to try without even having to speak about it - a great way to overcome one's initial embarrassment about sex.
And of course, the picture books were also a great way of getting more aroused, so that when the lovers finally began to make love, they were much less inhibited because they were already somewhat aroused (we all find it easier to be sexual when we are aroused than when we are not, in the sense that we are much more willing to try new sexual techniques and sex positions).
Taoism regards sex as a very equal process, so that mutual consent and loving encouragement would be the forces that drove lovers into each other's arms.
There would never be any coercion or force, not least because energy exchange was a fundamental part of lovemaking, and for the energy to flow equally, between partners, they must both bring equality, love, openness and acceptance in equal measure.
You can actually experience energy exchange during sex for yourself, so it isn't just a theory. The exchange of energy during sex, energy that goes above and beyond the level of how you feel towards your partner, takes place at the fundamental level of your psychic and spiritual being.
You can open yourselves up to the greater flow of higher level of energy by spending time caressing, kissing, fondling, and being intimate in the ways that you know best.
There must be no sense of tedium, or urgency, no sense of this being a waste of time, no sense of this being an irrelevance to the "real" aspect of sex - penetration, thrusting and ejaculation! Energy exchange is in large part about satisfying your partner and yourself, about raising sex to a higher level, about making sure that your actions and sexual motives are for the highest good.
As an aside, it's important to note that you won't want to be trying any of these Tantric practices if you feel angry, resentful, hurt, or other negative emotions towards your partner. The same is true in reverse.
Enjoy a massage before sex. This soothes away tension and induces a feeling of bonding to your partner; it also arouses you and makes you more ready for sex.
Make sure that time spent together having sex is not just about sex but is about time together - so talk, chat, whisper, caress, come to understand the other better.
Learn to control ejaculation speed.
Spend time generating the right level of sexual energy. Don't hurry, rush or worry.
The enjoyment of sex is in the journey, not the arrival at he destination.
Try to match the Yin and yang energy by engaging in the practices which slow down the arousal of the man and speed up the arousal of the woman.
You may be familiar with the concepts of Yin and Yang energy: Yang is the male force, hot, passionate, fiery; Yin is the female energy, water, slower to heat up - and slower to cool down, just like a woman's sexual energy. Mixed together, they represent a powerful force, one which can be used for many other purposes. Think of man as the fire and woman as the cauldron.
The yin energy rests in a woman's second Chakra; the fire in a man's base Chakra. When a man ejaculates, he loses this energy and needs time to recover. Taoists say that the male orgasm, is actually a separate process from ejaculation, a belief which is borne out by much current knowledge about physiology and anatomy.
The important thing is that men who ejaculate when they reach orgasm are losing physical and spiritual energy. The Taoists suggest that a man keeps the physical part of his energy, his Chi, inside himself, so that although he may have an orgasm, he will still have his store of Chi energy.
Orgasm without ejaculation is known as retaining your seed. There are some exercises which can help you learn how to reach orgasm without ejaculating, but even if they are not successful for you, they may still teach you how to make sex last longer.
Making sex last longer makes you a more considerate lover, makes you better able to satisfy your partner, and gives you longer lasting pleasure. You will also find that you keep an erection for longer too.
For the following exercises, you need to practice with your partner. When the real essence of Tantric sex are to be enjoyed, you need adequate practice, and it's probably better that you do this at a regular place and time rather than when the opportunity arises or when you feel passionate.
This isn't about feeling in the mood or being passionate - it's about learning a new way to have sex, one which will make your sex life much more enjoyable, so reserve a time with your partner and stick to it, and when you are enjoying sex at that time, Mood and passion don't really play a part in this learning process.
Putting sex in your diary isn't as mechanistic a process as you might at first think - in fact you'll get used to the idea very quickly and then it will seem quite natural to have sex on a regular schedule. Obviously anything to do with sex, learning new sex skills, and practicing Tantric sex should be enjoyable and fun.
Have sex as you normally do, enjoying it to the full, and let the man ejaculate as he normally would. Enjoy it, be enthusiastic, energetic and passionate! Now, you are ready to begin. Make love again: yes, that's right, have sex again. The man will not ejaculate as quickly (and you can even repeat this a third or fourth time if you wish, if the man is a quick comer and young enough to be able to get so many erections in such a short space of time!)
Take up a position for sex with the man on top, and let him enjoy the thrusts of the bird or heron: in other words, he pushes his wand of light or jade hammer (that's his penis) into his partner's jade garden (her vagina) three times each quite deeply, then once rather shallow. He then repeats this cycle of four thrusts.
As he withdraws, on the fourth - that is, the shallow - stroke of each cycle, if he feels he is about to come, he should draw in his lower abdomen and arch his back.
This is called the locking sex position and it can assist him in not ejaculating. Having said that, the man must be bale to tell how close he is to his orgasm and must not leave his shallow stroke too late. He can continue with the thrusts of the bird for just as long as he likes, and each time he approaches his ejaculation he should stop thrusting in the locking sex position. When the feeling of almost being about to ejaculate has reduced in intensity, he can resume the heron's thrusts.
Once you are experienced in sex with the heron's thrusts, the nest step is the dragon's thrusts. This time you enjoy nine deep thrusts and one shallow one: as before, the locking sex position can help to delay ejaculation. Once you have got to grips with this sexual technique and you can keep going for longer during sex, you can try the phoenix thrusts.
This time you thrust with very shallow strokes nine times, then you enjoy one deep thrust. This technique may well help your partner to enjoy a vaginal orgasm! Remember: nine shallow followed by one deep.
By the way, if you are having trouble controlling your ejaculation, you cannot help control it by transferring your attention to something else. You need to stay present and focused on what you're doing during sex, so counting sheep or running through football scores in your mind is definitely not recommended: such techniques keep you away from your feelings, distract you from awareness of how near to ejaculation you are, and disrupt the flow of energy between you and your partner during sex.
Enjoy your lovemaking as described above: practice the heron's thrusts, the dragon's thrusts and the phoenix's thrusts. As you feel yourself approaching orgasm, don't withdraw your penis from your partner's vagina, but instead press with your forefinger and thumb on you perineum, between your scrotum and your anus. This is where your base chakra is located, and by pressing on it you will stop your progress towards ejaculation.
You can only discover how much pressure you need to stop yourself
ejaculating by trying different pressures - use enough so that your desire to
ejaculate subsides. If your erection wilts, keep going with the technique,
because you will find that after a few attempts your erection is maintained
quit easily. If you wish, your partner can do this for you.
If you learn this effectively, it can make sex much more rewarding for your partner as you will be able to keep up your thrusts for as long as you wish.
Taoist sex writings suggested a man is able to make a thousand thrusts before he ejaculates. But whether this is so or not, any increase in the duration of sex is obviously going to be enjoyable for both the man and his partner. However, take it slowly: sudden changes in what you do with your body during sex are not recommended, especially if you have been accustomed to making love many times a week and you suddenly stop.
Your body may need time to adjust to sex without ejaculation, and you can accommodate this perhaps by starting off with sex that does not involve ejaculation every other time you have sex.
Once you have learnt how to practice the locking sex position and the perineum pressure technique, you may be able to experience the "delightful plateau" during sex, that is to say, the non-ejaculatory orgasm. You still feel all the sensations of an orgasm but you don't ejaculate.
Because you do not lose your sexual energy (as you would if you ejaculated), you can experience the delights of the plateau as many times as you wish during your lovemaking. And obviously you can move on from this plateau to higher peaks of sexual pleasure when you are ready to do so.