Your guide to lovemaking techniques!
Woman On Top Positions
And yet, research has proved time and time again that by far the most popular sex position is man on top. So why is it that men fantasize so much about woman on top sexual positions, but don't do it a great deal?
After all, this is a wonderful sexual position for men: it allows a man to lie back – literally – and enjoy the sight of his partner riding him.
He can fondle her breasts, he can caress her back (and her buttocks if she happens to be facing away from him), she can bend forward to kiss him, or lean back to give him a sight of the action, she can take him to the edge of orgasm and keep him there for as long as she likes until he explodes in orgasmic bliss.
And in addition she can give him some wonderful sensations by riding his penis up and down, side to side, or even in a circular fashion.
So why isn't the woman on top sexual position more popular?
The answer seems to lie somewhere in the fact that men like to keep control during sex; they like to be in charge, to be dominant, to feel that they are leading their partner in the act of lovemaking.
In short, it seems to be hard for men to give up control during sex.
And that's a real shame, because one of the big problems that stops a couple getting maximum sexual satisfaction is the belief system that says the man has to lead during sex and the woman has to follow.
Whether you think there's anything genetic or not about this, what's certainly true is that we're all brought up in a society where men are seen as the dominant partner during sexual activity.
Men generally take the role of the initiator; they talk about how to make a woman come, as though somehow female sexuality in general, and the female orgasm in particular, were the property of men.
And yet women are complicit in this: how many men and women reading this can honestly say that there haven't been many, many times when a woman has lain back and expected a man to take her to orgasm?
What's going on here?
At its simplest, I think what this represents is the desire of women to have proof that their men love and care for them – and one way in which they can get this reassurance is when a man takes the time and trouble to bring a woman to orgasm during sex.
On the other hand, it's certainly true that men do like to give women orgasms: I've had many men say that it's a confidence boost, that it helps their self-esteem, that they feel good when they give a woman an orgasm.
So it seems that both sexes are
complicit in a system that keeps the old values alive and prevents
experimentation with new lovemaking positions such as the woman on top.
The answer, from couples who have tried it, seems to be a resounding "yes". And it certainly helps men last longer in bed.
Woman on top positions for lovemaking are great when a man can actually let himself go, when he can relinquish his need for control, when he can literally just lie back and enjoy it.
It's true a lot of men have problems with this – giving up control makes them feel vulnerable, and since men feel powerful when they are doing things (like giving a woman an orgasm), it's easy to see why a lot of men have this difficulty.
But men: it can be a wonderful experience to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and if your partner is willing to go on top, then you should certainly try this sex position.
And for a woman, the beauty of reversing the conventional man on top postures is that it gives her the opportunity to experience power and control from a very feminine sexual place.
In other words, it gives her the chance to experience the power of her own sexuality – and this can often be a revelation.
For one thing, she's not dependent on her man to give her sexual pleasure; instead, she's totally responsible for achieving orgasm herself. And in this sexual position, perhaps more than any other, she stands a good chance of achieving orgasm during intercourse.
She can move in whatever way suits her best, in whatever way gives her the greatest pleasure.
She can lean backwards and forwards to experience different degrees of pressure from her man's erection inside her vagina; she can find a way of moving that best stimulates her G spot and gives her the greatest pleasure; and best of all, she can play with her own clitoris, or her partner can do it.
All in all she can actually reach orgasm rather easily during intercourse.
And if her man is a rapid ejaculator, and hasn't managed to find out how to control ejaculation, then she can slow down the pace of sex when he's near his orgasm, pausing in her movements until his arousal has dropped and she can continue to pleasure him.
The basics of woman on top sex
You have to wonder if an explanation is really necessary!
It's so simple: if the man is lying on his back with an erection, his female partner can find the easiest way to slip his cock inside her – either facing towards her man, or facing away from her man.
For beginners, facing towards her man is definitely easier.
How easy or difficult it will be to achieve penetration depends to some extent on the angle of her upper body – if she leans forward it will probably be much easier, after which she can sit up to whatever angle is most comfortable for them both.
It's certainly true that if a man has a hard, upright direction that lies against his belly, sex in the woman on top position may be difficult unless the woman lies forward with her chest close to or upon his.
But that's no hardship: it gives the partners the opportunity to kiss and caress each other's faces and heads, which can be very sexy and intimate.
It's a very liberating experience for most women to find they have such freedom of movement, and to discover that they can thrust just as easily as a man can in the man on top sexual position.
And it can also be a sheer delight for them to have the chance to pleasure their man with the full force of their feminine sexuality.
The physical sensations that both partners experience in this sex position will depend on a number of things, but chiefly on the angle at which the woman sits or lies on top of the man.
You need to experiment to find what's most comfortable for you, although a man with flexible erection may be able to accommodate almost any number of variations.
As a man having sex in this position it's important that you communicate with your partner what you want and what you feel, but it's equally important that you really do lie back and enjoy it, that you resist the urge to "give pleasure", that you embrace the urge to take what is offered by your partner.
And as the woman, remember that you have the power to intensify your man's experience by keeping your legs together, so, for example, lying on top of him with your legs together inside his can be a powerful position.
However his penis achieves les penetration and you have to be careful that his erection doesn't slip out of your vagina (which makes it a very good position for men with a long penis), but you can squeeze him to orgasmic bliss using your internal muscles in a way that gives him so much pleasure you can only imagine its intensity.
Of course, if you're a woman who likes the feeling of penetration and fullness, then squeezing your muscles will give you immense pleasure as well.
You can control how long sex lasts by the degree of tension that you apply to your internal muscles, partly by squeezing your PC muscle, and partly by keeping your legs closer together or further apart as the mood takes you.
Variations on woman on top
As with implied above, many of the variations that are available when the woman's on top, riding her man, are all about the angle of penetration and the speed and rhythm of sex.
You can have a great deal of fun experimenting with different angles and positions and rhythms, and you're really only limited by your imagination.
Hopefully these photographs will show you some variations that you can try out and get great pleasure from.
Each position offers different sensations, and the potential for different levels of physical pleasure for both man and woman.
Equally, you can see how it's easier in some positions than others for either partner to fondle and play with the other's buttocks, breasts, testicles, clitoris or even the man's penile shaft as it moves in and out of the woman's vagina.
And let's not forget that some advantages of this sex position are less obvious: when a woman is is considerably lighter than the man, it's an absolutely superb position for lovemaking.
The same, obviously, is true if the man has a disability or a bad back for example.
As I mentioned before, if the man has a long penis, the woman on top posture allows the woman to dictate precisely how much penetration she's going to enjoy.
(A note of caution here, though: if the man has short penis, it's very easy for him to slip out of the woman when she rides his penile shaft vertically.
If this happens the one thing you don't want to happen next is for her to come crashing down on his erection..... there are limits to what the penis can stand, and the full weight of a woman's body bending an erection can cause serious damage to the internal structure of the penis.)
Another great advantage of woman on top sex is that it allows the woman to move off the man's penis and position her vulva over his face, so that she can tease and tantalize him with her scent and vaginal juices, perhaps allowing him to taste her or even give her oral sex, perhaps not....most women know exactly how to tease a man to the point of orgasm and keep him there until his pleasure seems unbearable.
When lovemaking resumes, one thing that can be very exciting indeed for the man is to reach round and feel his erect penis sliding in and out of his partner's body.
When things get too hot, his partner can stop moving for a while to allow the tension and arousal to drop, and if the woman happens to be facing the man, rather than riding him facing away from him, the couple then have the opportunity to talk, snuggle together, and kiss, all the while still locked together in a loving embrace.
An interesting source of pleasure for the woman is to have her man twitch his penis as it remains erect inside her vagina: she'll feel the movement, and if she's in the right orientation, his penis may move against her G spot and give them both great pleasure.
Of course the reverse cowgirl sex position – that's woman on top where the woman faces away from the man - offers yet another variation on a theme.
Indeed, this position is so different that it almost feels like a completely different experience!
The man can see his penis moving in and out of his partner's body, a powerfully erotic and arousing experience for him.....
....and another thing worth trying when the woman is facing away from the man is for her to slide her damp warm vulva and labia backwards and forwards over his erect penis, and even to bring him to orgasm in this way.
Depending on how much pressure she puts on his cock, this can actually produce a more rewarding and powerful orgasm than normal vaginal intercourse.
So what do men and women think about woman on top sex?
Certainly some men really like the opportunity to lie back and enjoy sex without pressure, because woman on top sex takes away the responsibility of pleasuring their partner.
It's relaxing, it's easy, and it's very, very pleasurable!
The man can get a wonderful view of the action, particularly if he props his head up on a pillow, and he can enjoy the sensations of his partner taking him to orgasm at the pace that suits them both.
If she's into orgasm during intercourse, she can make sure that her clitoris and/or G spot get the stimulation they need to take her to orgasmic bliss.
And let's not underestimate the importance of equality in sexual relationships, even in the details of the sexual positions that men and women are using to make love.
Woman on top sex is genuinely an equalizer in the relationship: it makes a woman responsible for her own orgasm, and at the same time it gives her the opportunity to lead during sex.
It also allows the man to experience being the passive partner and to discover what it feels like to be given pleasure.
For as long as we continue to think of fucking as something that a man does to a woman, we're going to have unequal sexual relationships.
But this is the sexual position in which a man can truly say to his partner "fuck me" - and she will!
A lot of men who try these woman on top variations of the basic sex position find that they have a real problem letting go: they want to dictate how sex operates, perhaps by putting their hands on their partner's hips and guiding her movements.
That can be useful if you're trying to slow her down so as to last longer before you ejaculate, but not otherwise.
One thing that we've found helpful is for a couple to make an agreement before sex in this position even begins, an agreement to the effect that the man must lie back passively and accept the pleasure that his partner is giving him.
No matter how difficult you as a man may find it to do this, it's well worth trying, because it will open up a whole new world of sexual experiences for you.
Remember that there are plenty of ways that the woman can give you pleasure, ways that may actually be more sensual and pleasurable than you thrusting hard into her.
She can rotate her hips in a circular movement; she can lean backwards and forwards, moving slowly, teasing you; she can withdraw your penis from her vagina and rub her vulva along its length (a particularly sexy move that can drive you to distraction).
If you feel, as a man, that you want to thrust, even when your woman's on top, do it gently and see how it goes down before you stop pounding away!
You will certainly get an insight into what it's like for a woman who wants to thrust when you're making love to her in the man on top position! (Hint: it's not so easy!)
Another variation worth trying is to have the man sitting up with his back resting against a pillow or the head of the bed, which allows him to take his partner's weight as she leans forward onto him.
Variations like these can be intimate and loving and give you a great experience of togetherness as you make love.
Variation is really important, so in this sex position try out all the different kinds of movement you can think of – instead of just riding up and down his erect cock, move your pelvis around in a circle, and have the man thrust upwards into you as much as he can.
The amount of pleasure you get is only limited by your ability to come up with things that please you, and you'll only do that by trying them all out!