Sex Techniques and Positions
Tantric Sex Techniques
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Once you've developed a sense of how exciting or arousing you find the exploration of your body and your partner's body with your mouth and tongue, you can move on to the next stage of the experience - which is to explore your partner's skin with your tongue.
You can explore the whole of your partner's body - it's an intimate experience, and you can get to know the body of your lover very much better, in addition to finding out more about what turns them on.
You can locate the erogenous zones that make sex much more pleasurable for them - these may include elbows, toes, armpits, bottom of the feet, thighs, back, and many other places which at the moment you don't even know about.
Of course, some of the areas which your partner may find it exciting to have licked during sex will already be known to you - nipples, navel, ears, forehead, genitals and so on. You can achieve more interesting results if you do all this with your full attention on what you are doing, not distractedly.
You can even imagine energy (which is sexual energy) flowing up from your pelvic region and out through your tongue into your lover's body. More specifically, if you are a man, imagine it flowing from your anus and your balls, up through your penis and out through your tongue.
If you are a woman, imagine this sexual energy flowing up from your vagina and up through your breast to your tongue, then leaving your tongue and entering your partner's body.
Make sure you visualize energy flow from your tongue in whatever way seems
appropriate - a lightning bolt of energy, or as tiny sparks. You may well find
that your partner really does respond as if they have received a jolt of
The ultimate skill here is to bring your lover to orgasm using only your lips and tongue, all the while imagining the energy flowing out from your tongue and lips into their genitals and anywhere else you touch them on the body with your mouth.
You can start the process by kissing passionately but with feeling, using full awareness of your energy flow and visualizing the energy moving between you and your partner in whatever way seems most appropriate.
When you bring your partner to orgasm, close your eyes and see if you have any awareness of the energy flowing between you. For example, you may particularly feel or perceive the energy moving up your spine or around your chakras - especially your brow chakra.
This is a reflection of Kundalini energy energy moving up your spine from your genitals. You may also like to pay attention to the tip of your tongue when you bring your partner to orgasm. You may be able to feel an upswelling of energy there.
This is also a great technique to help you learn how to last longer during sex, by the way. Just put your tongue to the point immediately behind your upper front teeth in the middle of your jaw when you feel yourself beginning to get near the point of ejaculation, stop thrusting, and focus on moving the energy up from your genitals to your heart and head.
A variation of this practice is to bring your partner to orgasm with manual stimulation - in other words, masturbate them to orgasm and as they reach orgasm, kiss them so that your tongues are intertwined. See how that feels as you bring your awareness onto the energy flow.
Then have them do the same thing to you and this time see how it feels to be on the receiving end of the process. Kissing together after orgasm is also good practice, because it bonds you to your partner, and keeps the sexual energy flowing.
A second variation is for one of you to bring yourself to orgasm while you both kiss - and when he/she reaches orgasm, look deeply into each other's eyes.
This is a very intimate way of making love, and you may find it feels
like your soul is being bared! It's worth doing it just for the experience of
love and trust which it engenders - you may have heard of the idea that people
merge at orgasm; well, this is one way of feeling something that approaches a
soul union during sex.
And Don't Forget To Stimulate The Chakras!
Besides focusing on the genitals - which, in this belief system, means the pelvic chakras - why not try some stimulation of the other chakras?
So, for example, focus on the heart chakra by playing with energy flow around the chest and nipples - some women, as you may know, can reach orgasm through stimulation of the nipples alone.
You can pinch, suck, lick, tweak and rub each other's nipples in as many ways as you can think of to get energy moving during sex.
If you have enough facility with the concept and practice of energy flow, then you may achieve some surprising results - like an orgasm! If you don't achieve an orgasm you can simply enjoy the physical pleasure.
If you want to try playing with the base chakra, then a woman may insert a finger in to her partner's anus and massage his prostate; or if she prefers, externally she can massage his perineum - the area between his anus and his testicles. A man can insert one finger into his partner's vagina and one finger into her anus and massage her perineum from both sides. (Remember to wash well afterwards.)
All of these experiences can be very erotic and helpful in coming to understand and experience how energy flows during sexual intercourse.
Two final ideas: follow the path which the Kundalini energy reputedly follows during sex with your tongue. For a man, this is from the perineum between his buttocks ad up his spine to the top of his head, then back down across his brow and down the front of his body back to the perineum.
There is another dimension to the experience if the man is masturbating as she does this. If you are a man doing this to a woman, then follow the path of the energy from your partner's vulva up the front of her body to her brow chakra.
She can masturbate as you do this - it's great if she can reach orgasm at the point where your tongue reaches her brow chakra, then follow the path of the energy down her back to her vulva.
The ancient sex manuals were well aware of the difference between men and women when it came to sexual arousal. The Kama Sutra recommends a gentle approach, not a forcible one, to seduce a woman. In modern terms this would mean something like extending foreplay beyond the bedroom, and making sure that a woman is safe, has reason to trust you, and feels loved by you before sex begins.
Skillfully seducing a woman - and less so a man - depends on a gentle touch, a look, a sense of shared intimacy, a secret agreement of things to come which is unspoken, and which leads up to the act of lovemaking when the time and place are right.
Now of course lovemaking involves different sexual energies - the power, the force, the quick-to-ignite sexual energy of man, and the gentler, slower to arouse, longer lasting, and perhaps slower burning sexual energy of the woman.
But of course, an aroused woman is a passionate force. And since the Taoist belief is that she is in connection with the source of all generative energy in the Universe during sex, the energy she can bring to lovemaking is no less powerful than the man's.
Taoist belief encompasses the philosophy that men and women are made up of different proportions of Yin and Yang energy. Women are predominantly Yin energy - men are predominantly Yang.
However, no person can be all or one of these - if you like, the sexual energy you express always contains seeds of the other sex. We are all, in other words, made up of varying degrees of Yin and Yang, feminine and masculine, sexual energy.
It is this presence of the components of the other person within us that gives us a variety of personal and sexual characteristics. According to the Taoists, your balance of Yin and Yang would manifest in the following ways:
Yin qualities: lunar, soft, dark,
female, passive, receptive,
negative, inner worldly, emotional, deep, interior, retiring, nurturing,
Yang qualities: solar, dry, warm, light, male, active, outwardly directed, positive, logical, intellectual, shallow, energetic, reactive, defensive, repelling, advancing, aggressive, reactive.
Naturally, these are stereotypical qualities, and there is no man or woman alive who shows only the male or female qualities. They are indications of the kind of energy which we see in men and women, and in the energies they bring to sex. The Taoists also ascribed the elements (Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Metal) to either Yin or Yang, though this is f less interest to us now than the qualities which they described, for these are commonly observable in terms of our sexual energies.
If you consider how you feel about men and woman, and then look at the list of qualities ascribed to the two sexes, you'll see some things that seem instantly familiar.
For example, Yin energy is thought of as darker, deeper, more mysterious perhaps, and certainly more generative than Yang energy.
Yang is quicker to become aroused, quicker to fire up, less deep and more visible - with men, sexually at least, what you see is what you get. Women of course are slower to arouse, both sexually and emotionally, than men; they also take longer to cool down after they have become aroused.
But though women take longer to reach orgasm, they reach levels of sexual arousal which may exceed those of a man: and because men are quicker to arouse, quicker to reach orgasm, and much quicker to become less aroused after sex, there needs to be some accommodation, some understanding between the sexes on how these differences in arousal rate are to be accommodated.
Men, for example, need to ensure that they seduce their partners gently and slowly; they need to stroke, to caress, to fondle, to explore their partner's body non-sexually before turning to her sexual areas; they should take account of a woman's need for intimacy, for love, for a sense of being cherished and valuable; they should not expect her to be as quickly aroused as they are.
Women, on the other, need to accommodate a man's desire for rapid arousal, quick relief and almost impersonal sex from time to time - one way they can do this is by enjoying a session of quick sex for the man's pleasure.
There's an exercise which can help you understand the essence of Yin and Yang. You can do this with your partner, one person at a time.
If the man goes first, the woman will give him a Yang massage. In other words, he lies down, making sure that he is warm and comfortable, then she will start with his erect penis, holding it with one hand and with her other making a series of concentric circular movements on his belly, thighs and legs which gradually extend outwards from his penis as the centre of the circles.
She ends the massage with his face,
and then brings him to orgasm using her hands, lips and mouth - after which he
can do exactly as he wishes, including going to sleep.
When the man reciprocates for his partner, she lies down and makes herself comfortable, before her partner gives her the equivalent Yin massage.
As you may imagine, this means he starts with her face (remember women are slower to arouse, so rapid attention to the genitals may not be the best way to light her sexual fire).
He keeps this hand in contact with her face at all times, while his other hand traces slow movements of massage over her body in gentle spirals, with her vulva as the focal centre of the movements. As she becomes more aroused he brings her to orgasm, and then fulfils her wishes to be caressed, to go to sleep, or whatever else she wants to happen.
Is the Energy Different?
It's very interesting to compare impressions. If you can develop a true intimacy with your partner and speak from your heart about what happened for you during the massage, you may well discover some profound things about each other's sexual energy and how it grows as you touch and caress.
You may also discover the ways in which you need to adjust your sexual styles so that you are truly compatible in bed and each get full pleasure and satisfaction from being sexual with the other.
Another aspect of the Yin and the Yang is the flow of energy. We all know that a woman's sexual energy rises and falls as she goes through her monthly sexual cycle; but what of the man's cycle of sexual energy? That is a question which remains open to interpretation, but the Taoists believed than a man's cycle was less than a day long.....perhaps this reflected their view of how to explain the fact that men had such a high level of sexual energy so consistently.
This is the name which the Taoists gave to the energy which was released when a man ejaculated. It's not semen, nor is it sperm: it's the vital energy which goes along with his ejaculation. Since orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things, the release of a man's Chi does not necessarily have to happen when a couple engage in sexual intercourse.
In fact he may enjoy multiple orgasms without ejaculation, in which case his Chi is preserved and his energy remains high - this will contribute to his good health. It's different for a woman, who, according to the Taoist philosophy, gains energy every time she reaches orgasm.