Sex Techniques and Positions
Tantric Sex - The Chakras & Energy Flow
How to be aroused and experience energy flow rather than ejaculation during sex
Whatever happens when you start to enjoy Tantric sex is the experience of the moment - by which I mean that whatever happens, you need to be in a psycho-sexual place where you can just accept it. Whatever your sexual and emotional experience may be at that time is OK: it's the experience you are meant to be having.
Sometimes you will feel the spiritual pull of sex, and other times you won't - but it is important to be in the moment whatever happens. It's also important to lose your ego while you practice this sort of sex - Tantra is not about ego, not about boasting, not about attainment for attainment's sake - it's about changing sex into a more complete experience.
Try the following exercise and see what happens, remembering of course that whatever happens is the experience of the moment, and is meant to be happening! If you feel your Kundalini energy rising, remember that the objective is to raise your energy to a place where you can experience union with the divine, or, if you prefer, with the energy of the universe.
This moment of union with the energy of the cosmos (or, if you prefer, God) is an unmistakable sexual experience. (You may already have had a sense of this on those occasion when sex has seemed to be something more profound than normal - a spiritual experience.)
In the exercise that follows, you may feel sleepy or drowsy. Let that happen: just go with the flow and see where it takes you. There are no right and wrong paths here: all roads lead to the same place! As you try the exercise you may have one or more of three different types of energy flow: orgasmic energy, spiritual energy, or introspective energy rather like a meditation.
Each of these will come and go in varying proportions from time to time during sex......and as always, in the Buddhist philosophy, what you get is what you need at that point.
You should focus on your brow chakra as you move through the exercise, for that is where the different forms of energy will be most clearly felt.
However, you will also experience some feelings from your genitals. That's only natural - this is, after all, a sexual experience! Try to see what these feelings are telling you. Do you, for example, feel any sense of shame or guilt? Do you have inhibitions about sex or your body?
These are the emotional consequences of a lifetime of sexual experience: they are neither positive or negative - they just are your feelings. Try focusing on both your own and your partner's genitals. They are just a part of your body, and there is no right or wrong intrinsically attached to them.
So how you feel about these parts of your bodies will tell you something about how you feel about sex.
If you are the man, sit on the floor and have your partner straddle you. Insert your erect penis into her vagina and the simply put your arms around each other without moving. You can support each other if you have your arms around each other's shoulders.
Alternatively, if it is more comfortable, have the woman put her arms around the man's back, while the man puts his arms around her shoulders. next, look into each other's eyes. You may have heard that the eyes are regarded as the gateway to the soul. We often find it difficult to maintain eye contact in our society, so how easy or challenging you find this eye contact may reflect the degree of psychological defenses you have erected against intimate contact with another person.
You may also have heard that placing the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, just where you palate meets your upper teeth, at the front of your mouth, is a way to maintain the energy flow around the body.
There is a Tantric belief which suggests that this can also help a man to slow down his ejaculation - though this is only true if he is adept at moving the energy up from his genitals and around his body in the first place. It is the blocking of energy flow that causes premature ejaculation - when the energy which a man generates in his genitals becomes locked there instead of flowing all through his body.
The first thing you may feel is the warmth of the sexual energy rising from your pelvic chakra. Focus on this energy. Feel it as it rises and moves around your bodies. For the woman, this energy flow is likely to take the form of a coolness rising up the front of her belly and up towards her breasts.
The man is likely to feel a hot flow of energy moving up his back. Feel the energy rising; visualize it in whatever way seems appropriate for you. You may find that the energy flow becomes so intense that you spontaneously reach orgasm without moving - and that's fine if you do. Enjoy it.
However, orgasm is not necessarily the objective of this exercise - it's about learning to feel the energy flow and experience something that goes beyond the normal sexual experience of penetration, thrusting and ejaculation. Of course, ejaculation control was an essential part of the Tantric philosophy.
In fact, this sex position can be almost like a meditation, where you do not move but simply focus on the energy flowing through your bodies. For men who have a tendency to rapid ejaculation, this can be a good way of learning control, as there is less stimulation to cause increased arousal and ejaculation. you may eventually ejaculate anyway, but you will most likely find that you can keep the energy flowing for quite some time before there is any danger of this.
And, having said that, as always, there are no expectations and no pressures in this exercise, so whatever you feel (or don't feel) is fine and requires only your acceptance, observation and possibly reflection back to your partner. If you arrive at the time for your lovemaking with a sense of being rushed, or not relaxed, then this exercise can be a very good way of developing a connection before you actually progress on to normal intercourse.
Simply enjoy the experience for as long as you feel it is right, and then move on to your normal lovemaking positions and sexual experiences. You may choose to spend only a few minutes in this position, or you may want to spend a lot of time in it.....it all depends how you are feeling at the time, where your energy is when you start, and what you need sexually when you make love.
Of course, if you do get tired while you're doing this, simply change position and lie back for a while before you begin again. Talk to each other, communicate with your partner, touch each other...whatever you feel moved to do. As I implied above, this position is all about establishing connection and trust.
You can even drink or eat in between sessions of connection! Whatever form intimacy takes for you is the form it needs to take as you do this.
You'll naturally move on to something different when try the exercise again. And of course, if you find it more comfortable, you can try the same exercise in a chair, with the man sitting facing forward and the woman astride him, holding his shoulders or the back of the chair.
Discovering More About Tantric Sex
You can try the next step of the process either alone or with your partner. The essence of the exercise is to masturbate to orgasm, but to do it with intention and focus, so that you are aware of more than just the physical pleasure and physical sensations you receive.
This is about being aware of the energy flows that lie behind your orgasm and ejaculation. As you masturbate to orgasm, you can imagine the energy flow from your pelvic chakra going up your spine and into your body, and you can help this visualization by seeing in your mind's eye a pump at the base of your spine pumping energy upwards as you ejaculate.
With each muscular contraction you can see the pump working, and you can also clench your buttocks to enhance the sensations and the visualization.
As you do this, focus on the energy rather than the pleasure you are feeling. The ancient Tantric teachers suggested that masturbation was an excellent way to get in touch with the sensations of your body and its capacity to generate energy flow around the body - and this is something you now have the chance to experience for yourself. There is no particular prescription as to how you should masturbate to orgasm - simply do it in the way that suits you best and which you find most enjoyable, but remember that the basis of this work is to learn more about the flow of sexual energy around your body.
If you're a woman, think of the pump as being located in your vagina: as you go through the sensations of orgasm, repeatedly contract and relax (i.e. pump) the muscles of your vagina, and as you do so, imagine that the energy is being pumped along your body at the front (men imagine this going up the spine).
It's always a good idea to open your chakras before you start so that the energy flow will take place more readily, and there is a prepared, open pathway for the energy flow to move along. And don't believe stories you may have heard about Kundalini being dangerous. This is untrue, as the energy will only move at the pace that is right for you and which your body can handle. According to how satisfying, interesting and enhancing of your sex life you find these exercises, you may choose to continue, stop or put them on hold for a while. You are always in control.
Or are you? The Tantric experts have always known that that passion can strike without warning from time to time, and this may well happen to you and your partner at some point as you practice these exercises. If so, there is no harm in giving way to your passion.
While the focus is on sexual spirituality and learning more about your body's capacity for enlightenment., there is no harm in allowing the more earthly pleasures of rumbustious sex to take precedence from time to time!
Above all, don't take this too seriously. It's not a religious rite or a trial of self-discipline. The ancient Tantric practitioners would have whole-heartedly agreed that fun and pleasure were an equally essential and valuable part of the human sexual experience.
If you're going to do this with a partner, take it in turns. First of all have the man stimulate the woman while she relaxes and enjoys the sensations of the sexual energy flowing through her body.
You can go all the way to orgasm if that's what you want to do: when she reaches orgasm, she should focus on pumping her sexual energy as previously described.
After her orgasm, she can focus on the energy flow around her body; when she's satisfied that she's gained as much insight into her sexual experience as possible, she can return the favor for her male partner.
It may take a few attempts before you become truly attuned to the energy flow. It may take a little longer for you to learn how to promote the flow of energy around your body during sex. But the great thing about these exercises is that you can truly enjoy them while you practice!
Couples sometimes like to try masturbating each other simultaneously. This isn't a bad idea, but it is a little impractical in the context of these exercises.
Mutual masturbation can be distracting - you have to focus on both your own energy and that of your partner as you approach orgasm. So best leave that until you have a little more practice and you're a little more aware of the energy flow as you reach orgasm.
An interesting variation on the theme is for you both to sit with your backs against each other as you both masturbate to orgasm. When you reach orgasm, try the "pump" technique: and see if you can feel your partner's energy rising as you feel your own. Remember that if you don't feel anything, it isn't important - your awareness will develop at the right rate for you!