Sex Techniques and Positions

Tantric Sex - A Different Way Of Looking At Sex - What Is Tantra?

Sex as a means of communication

Sex is a way to communicate - yet few of us have the communication skills which allow us to exchange information about our needs and desires honestly with our partners.

Yet the irony is that when we can communicate openly, sex is greatly enhanced, and indeed so is our everyday life: we are able to ask for our needs to be met, so we can be loved in the way we want, when we want - and we can ask for these things when we wish them, knowing it is our right to get them.

You'll see how there is a symmetry to this: for you cannot give these things to you lover unless you know what he or she wants during sex.

Listening and hearing each other are crucial processes for lovers engaged in Tantric sex - you cannot meet another's needs when you are narcissistically wrapped up in your own needs, and you cannot give openly to another unless you abandon expectation of reward or reciprocal giving. Tantric sex is sex without selfishness.

As the cliché has it, the best way to get love is to give love - but you have to be able to give it first, and give it without expectation of receiving love in return.

I'm not sure I agree with the statement I've heard that Western sex is about taking first, while the more spiritual Tantric sex is about giving first. I believe a lot of people practice this kind of approach to sex anyway, but what is true is that you must give during sex to be able to reach the heights of Tantric pleasure.

As you will find - if you have not already done so - giving another person, one whom you love, sexual pleasure can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life.

Another step forward....

Do this alternately, man and woman receiving and giving. If it's the woman who is to receive from her partner first, the man's objective is to show her that she is a true goddess - the sexual goddess that all women have inside them, and which is never far from the surface.

As the man: run her a warm bath, and decorate the bathroom with incense and candles; invest time and energy in pampering her, so she can relax while you wash her all over. Let her dictate what happens by having her tell you how she likes to be pampered, and then do it for her. This is a process in which you are really worshipping her as a manifestation of the ultimate female (sexual, divine) energy.

After her bath have her lie down on the bed or even on a rug in front of the fire, and give her a sensual massage with essential oils. The idea of this massage is to explore her body, using a sensuous but non-sexual touch. As you do this, she will put her attention into her body, trying to be fully "present" in the skin where you touch her, so that she feels her skin tingle with energy.

She must tell him you what she likes, what feels good, where she likes to be touched most, and how you should touch her - what degree of pressure, how to move your hands. If she wants to have an orgasm, then by all means move into a sexual phase of the massage, using your tongue, fingers and mouth to bring her to orgasm. However, this is not about sex, so please don't have intercourse. It's about you giving her your complete attention, taking an opportunity to worship the divine feminine.

And while this continues, the woman should revel in the experience of being the worshipped goddess, and do her best to get into touch with whatever she is feeling, sexual or otherwise. So let him touch you - you are not attending to his sexual needs right now, so if he gets an erection, leave it alone!

You can relish the feeling of him worshipping you in this way, and also revel in the sense of being a goddess in human form!

The next time you do this, swap over. Let her take a turn at worshipping her man, and let him take his turn at relaxing and accepting what is done to him as she worships his particular expression of the divine sexual energy. Follow the same routine as before: start with her bathing him, and let her give him a massage.

As the man, tell her what you like to be touched, how you like to be touched, and let her touch you - relax, be sensuous, and let her bring you to orgasm using her hands and mouth if you wish, but remember that sex is not just about having an orgasm......


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More About Tantric Sex

What Is Tantric Sex?

Sexual Energy Without Ejaculation

More Tantric Sexual Techniques

The Power Of Orgasm In Tantric Sex

Clitoral & G spot Orgasm & Female Ejaculation

Tantric Sex Positions


Not about having an orgasm?!

The focus of Tantric sex is on the energy generated by making love and exchanging that energy during sex - both of these things are unrelated to the male orgasm (well, more or less unrelated!)

While a lot of us think of sex as something that culminates in orgasm, and that's true for men especially, an alternative view is that sexual encounters can be about sensuous loving, energy exchange, and honest connection with your partner. And as you progress, you will find that the male orgasm and being able to stop premature ejaculation with PC muscle control are quite separate processes, so ejaculation need not be the goal during sex for either men or women.

Once you lose your focus on the goal of sex as being an orgasm, you can begin to look instead at sex as a process, and all sorts of possibilities open up for you - increased energy, increased intimacy, increased openness and greater spirituality, to name but a few. Besides which, it's great just to have your partner worship you in this way.

Loving relationships create better sex

Is a loving relationship essential for Tantric sex? Yes. A one night stand may be physically satisfying, but it's emotionally unfulfilling - at least most of the time - and without intimate knowledge of what your partner truly wants and desires from a lover, how can sex be great?

Still, that does not mean everyone has to avoid this kind of sexual experience - it means that as a potential Tantrica, this sort of casual sex will not be a life-enhancing experience.

And of course, a stable relationship gives you a better chance of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and enjoying better sex. (Although if you are lucky enough to meet a soul-mate, sex can be truly spiritual even if your time together is brief.)

The whole concept of exchanging sexual energy during sex is new and rather radical in the West. It follows that if your sexual encounters are brief, shameful or negative, the energy will not be positive, and you won't be enhancing anyone's energy, least of all your own. Next, we shall see how you can purify your sexual energy and raise it to a higher level.

The Power of Loving Your Partner and Yourself

I think most people would agree that pure love is a powerful force. The idea that love in its purest form can be a way to develop one's spirituality is perhaps less obvious, but this is the basis of much Tantric teaching.

The logic is that the love we feel for another human being is only a small part of our capacity to feel love for the purest form of spirit - God, the universe, creation itself - and that our physical experience of sex is the gateway to opening the channels of love for not just our sexual partner but for our love of the divine.

Of course, for this opening out to happen, sex must be enjoyed in the right frame of reference, with a spiritual approach and an attitude of acceptance, compassion and surrender to the forces of nature. Think how different this viewpoint is to the shaming approach to sex which seems so prevalent in Western religions and other less enlightened philosophies!

The Chakras

Whether or not you believe that the Chakras exist, you may well accept that there are energy centers in the body which undergo shifts in energy during the act of lovemaking. This is a common experience when we have sex - we know that we feel different during and after the act of making love to our partner.

In Tantric terms, these shifts take energy from one Chakra to another, and open up the possibility of creating an energy flow from the base Charka in the pelvic area all the way through to the head or crown chakra - and thence on to connection with divine energy from the universe.

It might be useful at this point to review the chakras as they are conventionally understood. Bear in mind that you do not have to accept this as a literal explanation of how energy flows through the body to utilize the concepts of Tantric sex and spiritual enlightenment during lovemaking.

The first chakra is located between the genitals and the anus. it's about roots, connection, source, and grounding. Your instinctual urges and feelings are governed by the first or base chakra. In men, this is the site of sexuality.

The second or pelvic chakra is located at the level of the genitals. For women, this chakra govern the sexual life.

The third chakra is level with the navel - it's the seat of personal power and focus, commitment to a cause and determination. Whether or not you are easily swayed from your purpose will reflect the strength and energy of your third chakra.

The fourth chakra is the heart chakra. Naturally, this governs feeling and emotion, love in particular.

The fifth chakra, the throat chakra, is all about communication.

The sixth - the brow chakra - is located between the brows, in the position classically said to be occupied by the third eye. It's the chakra which governs the intellectual aspects of our being.

Finally, the crown chakra is our connection to the divine: if you like, it is the home of the Gods Shakti and Shiva.

When you raise energy from the base chakra to the crown chakra (that is when your Kundalini rises from genitals to crown during lovemaking), the great spiritual union of male and female energies may take place. This may produce a state of bliss, Samadhi or enlightenment. It can certainly make sex feel like a spiritual experience.

An exercise to raise your awareness of the chakras.

Try this exercise lying down, making sure you are physically comfortable with no distractions. Make sure you are warm enough to fully focus on what you're doing; if you should find yourself thinking about other issues, gently bring your attention back to the matter in hand.

You can visualize each chakra as a flower which unfurls, opening out in whatever way fits with your mental imagery. Start at the base chakra and progress up your body, imagining each chakra opening as you pass over it. You can also imagine each one to be a different color - starting at the base with red, then moving through orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

Do the exercise with your eyes shut so that you can visualize each chakra in turn, opening fully out and letting energy flow freely into, through, and out of it to the next one.

You can also imagine a connection with the earth through your feet and with the cosmos through your brow chakra. Imagine energy flowing from the sky down through you and your chakras to the earth.

This is a useful exercise to do before you make love with your partner, for it encourages the exchange of energy between you, and will give you a different experience as you connect both physically and emotionally. You may even be able to feel the energy moving in your body.

Men: If you visualize your energy moving from your penis into your partner's vagina during lovemaking, you can produce some interesting effects, especially if her G spot is awakened and receptive to the energy. Later in your practice of Tantric sex, you can actually exchange energy around an imaginary loop between the two of you as you make love.

To extend the experience of energy flow between you, lie down facing in opposite directions, with your head to her feet (if you're the man) and vice versa. Lie on your backs, side by side, with the woman on the right hand side of the man. He should place his right hand on her vulva and she should place her right hand on his penis.

Each of you can then imagine the energy flowing up from the pelvic chakra to your hand and thence to your lover's genitals.

This energy may feel like warmth, coolness, or even a tingling sensation. If you wish to help the process, imagine the energy flowing up and out of your pelvic chakra, along your arm and down your hand and into your partner's vulva or penis.

The Tantric texts show energy flowing in different directions in men and women. Men feel the energy moving up the spine, while women feel it rising up the belly. Men's energy may well appear to move faster than women's, which is cooler and slower to arouse (the difference between Yang and Yin energy).

Reaching orgasm is quite OK if it happens, but as time goes by you will be more able to control the energy flow so that it gradually develops into an ever-increasing level of energy flow.

Now, because this is all about enjoying the energy flow of the sexual/spiritual connection, your attitude should be one of delight ad pleasure: if you feel angry, annoyed or irritable, or full of resentments or other negative emotions, the process isn't likely to work well.

The ultimate objective of this sexual technique - the process of ascending the Kundalini energy - is to experience spiritual enlightenment though lovemaking. But even if you're not successful at this, you can certainly have an enjoyable experience - so don't let this become a ritualized act. Yes, it's a spiritual sexual act, but it's also a very human sexual act!

Continued here.