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[ Home ] [ Tantric sex - principles ] [ Tantric sex - the chakras ] [ Tantric sex positions ] [ On the way to Tantric sex ] [ Exchanging energy during sex ] [ Yin and Yang energy during sex ] [ The Eastern Approach To Sex ] [ The Eastern Approach To Sex ] [ Taking sex to a whole new level ] [ Types of orgasm ] [ Sex positions in the tantric tradition ]
The Exploration of Sex
Like many things in life, sex can
be a life-long journey of exploration. Although the Taoists did not put it in
quite this way, no matter how many times you have had sex, no matter how many
times you have reached orgasm, there is always something new to discover,
something that will release and relax your neural blocks, change your
emotional circuitry, and cause a change in the way you see the world, your
partner and yourself. This tends not to be how we see sex in our Western world
view - which encompasses an attitude that once sex is over, once the orgasm
has happened, once the ejaculation has taken place, that's that until next
time.
When you start to see sex as a
means to personal development, things begin to change. To have the benefit of
self-development over a long period of time with the same partner - to travel
along the sexual road as far as you can go with the same partner is a
privilege which you should make the most of. And furthermore, this can - and
should - be a life-long journey, though perhaps not all of it undertaken with
the same partner.
What are orgasms for?
When you think about it there are
some obvious answers - to make sex feel good, so we reproduce, being the most
obvious. But take the question to a deeper level and think of it in this way:
what benefits do orgasms give us? Well, they certainly make us feel better,
they relax us, they bond us to our partners. But there's more......
For a woman, the orgasm is like a
discharge of her Yin energy, which stops it building up into excess sexual
energy and thereby causing her to develop nervous problems - in other words,
"an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away"! For men, though, too many orgasms
reduces his Chi - or Ching - and causes lassitude, fatigue and nervous
disorders. For a man, preservation of his Ching with the pleasure of orgasm
involves orgasm without ejaculation, yet in the west it is normally the
ejaculation which men value most, since it is almost always simultaneous with
orgasm.
Taoists believed that Yin or
female energy is richer, deeper and reinforces and regenerates a man's Yang
energy. Since this is so easily depleted, Taoists recommended that male
ejaculation was minimized. Conversely, they suggested that women could or
perhaps should have more orgasms than men, since they were capable of
sustaining greater orgasmic and sexual energy over longer periods of time.
Turning sex into a spiritual
experience
Hindu Tantric texts suggested that
the orgasm could become a spiritual experience, with the sexual energy
associated with it being used for the highest motive - not just, for example,
using it to help yourself get to sleep! If men do not ejaculate when they
reach orgasm, then they too can use the orgasmic energy which flows around
their body at the moment of peak sexual experience for a higher purpose, a
spiritual purpose, in fact.
The effects of
orgasm on the body
Have you ever stopped to consider
what an orgasm feels like? Have you ever thought about how it affects your
body? And have you ever relaxed into the energy flow and observed how the
energy flows around your body at the moment of orgasm? here are some exercises
which may help you to do just that.
Take your partner to orgasm and
make an effort to stay conscious with your partner as you enjoy your- orgasm;
remind each other to stay present and look into each other's eyes as you
experience the moment of orgasm. This can be challenging, especially if you
are not used to such levels of intimacy. But it will give you a different
experience of orgasm to the one you have when you close your eyes and simply
allow yourself to be fully with and into your own orgasm.
Next, do the same thing again -
not, of course, necessarily on the same day! - and this time try following the
energy flow around your body as you approach and enter your orgasm. In
particular, try touching the roof of your mouth with the tip of your tongue,
just behind your top set of front teeth as you come. See if you can detect any
particular energy flow that makes this experience different form the other
ones you already had. Discuss it with your partner and see how they
experienced their orgasm.
One way to explore the idea that
energy flows around the body at the moment of orgasm is to enhance this
process by bringing yourself and your partner right up to the brink of orgasm
but not beyond it. You know how best to arouse your partner, with gentle
massage, fondling, caressing, and stroking; you also know what turns your
lover on. Now use these skills and your knowledge to arouse them so that they
approach the point of orgasm but they don't quite go over the edge. As you
reach their point of no return, slacken off the stimulation and let the energy
subside. Repeat this as often as you can in the same session of lovemaking.
You can of course also do this solo, with yourself as both stimulator and
observer. You may well discover a lot that you didn't know before about your
sexual response. You may discover, for example, where your point of no return
actually is - you may never have felt it so clearly before.
One of the great advantages to
this process is that it can help you to develop much greater capacity to last
during intercourse before you ejaculate - very useful if you happen to be a
premature or rapid ejaculator. And because the energy is flowing around your
body at much higher levels than before, you may well find that all of the
touch you receive from your partner or yourself is much more enjoyable - or
much less pleasurable - well, at the very least it will feel different!
All of this experimentation will
give you a knowledge of your body and your sexual responses which will allow
you to enjoy sex in a fuller way - or at least experience sex with a much
greater level of background knowledge about what arouses you. In theory, this
should allow you to enjoy better sexual responses and a fuller sexual
experience with your partner - after all, you now have the key to which bits
of your body you enjoy being stimulated the most, and how this stimulation
affects you.
One of the more enlightened things
about Taoist practice was that men and women were encouraged to be open about
sexuality, and that if they had inhibitions, they could use picture books full
of explicit drawings to break down the barriers of their shyness and explore
sexual possibilities together. They could indicate what they wanted to try
without even having to speak about it - a great way to overcome one's initial
embarrassment about sex.
And of course, the picture books
were also a great way of getting more aroused, so that when the lovers finally
began to make love, they were much less inhibited because they were already
somewhat aroused (we all find it easier to be sexual when we are aroused than
when we are not, in the sense that we are much more willing to try new sexual
techniques and sex positions).
Taoism regards sex as a very equal
process, so that mutual consent and loving encouragement would be the forces
that drove lovers into each other's arms. There would never be any coercion or
force, not least because energy exchange was a fundamental part of lovemaking,
and for the energy to flow equally, between partners, they must both bring
equality, love, openness and acceptance in equal measure.
Sexual energy
You can actually experience energy
exchange during sex for yourself, so it isn't just a theory. The exchange of
energy during sex, energy that goes above and beyond the level of how you feel
towards your partner, takes place at the fundamental level of your psychic and
spiritual being. You can open yourselves up to the greater flow of higher
level of energy by spending time caressing, kissing, fondling, and being
intimate in the ways that you know best. There must be no sense of tedium, or
urgency, no sense of this being a waste of time, no sense of this being an
irrelevance to the "real" aspect of sex - penetration, thrusting and
ejaculation! Energy exchange is in large part about satisfying your partner
and yourself, about raising sex to a higher level, about making sure that your
actions and sexual motives are for the highest good.
As an aside, it's important to
note that you won't want to be trying any of these Tantric practices if you
feel angry, resentful, hurt, or other negative emotions towards your partner.
The same is true in reverse.
Some things you can do to ensure
you enjoy sex
Enjoy a massage before sex. This
soothes away tension and induces a feeling of bonding to your partner; it also
arouses you and makes you more ready for sex.
Make sure that time spent together
having sex is not just about sex but is about time together - so talk, chat,
whisper, caress, come to understand the other better.
Spend time generating the right
level of sexual energy. Don't hurry, rush or worry.
The enjoyment of sex is in the
journey, not the arrival at he destination.
Try to match the Yin and yang
energy by engaging in the practices which slow down the arousal of the man and
speed up the arousal of the woman.
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