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[ Home ] [ Tantric sex - energy flow and more ] [ Tantric sex - Kundalini rising, energy orgasms, the question of ejaculation ] [ More Tantric sexual techniques ] [ Exploring sex and the purpose of orgasm ] [ Taking sex to a whole new level ] [ Sex positions in the tantric tradition ]
The Exploration of Sex
Like many things in life, sex can
be a life-long journey of exploration. Although the Taoists did not put it in
quite this way, no matter how many times you have had sex, no matter how many
times you have reached orgasm, there is always something new to discover,
something that will release and relax your neural blocks, change your
emotional circuitry, and cause a change in the way you see the world, your
partner and yourself. This tends not to be how we see sex in our Western world
view - which encompasses an attitude that once sex is over, once the orgasm
has happened, once the ejaculation has taken place, that's that until next
time.
When you start to see sex as a
means to personal development, things begin to change. To have the benefit of
self-development over a long period of time with the same partner - to travel
along the sexual road as far as you can go with the same partner is a
privilege which you should make the most of. And furthermore, this can - and
should - be a life-long journey, though perhaps not all of it undertaken with
the same partner.
What are orgasms for?
When you think about it there are
some obvious answers - to make sex feel good, so we reproduce, being the most
obvious. But take the question to a deeper level and think of it in this way:
what benefits do orgasms give us? Well, they certainly make us feel better,
they relax us, they bond us to our partners. But there's more......
For a woman, the orgasm is like a
discharge of her Yin energy, which stops it building up into excess sexual
energy and thereby causing her to develop nervous problems - in other words,
"an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away"! For men, though, too many orgasms
reduces his Chi - or Ching - and causes lassitude, fatigue and nervous
disorders. For a man, preservation of his Ching with the pleasure of orgasm
involves orgasm without ejaculation, yet in the west it is normally the
ejaculation which men value most, since it is almost always simultaneous with
orgasm.
Taoists believed that Yin or
female energy is richer, deeper and reinforces and regenerates a man's Yang
energy. Since this is so easily depleted, Taoists recommended that male
ejaculation was minimized. Conversely, they suggested that women could or
perhaps should have more orgasms than men, since they were capable of
sustaining greater orgasmic and sexual energy over longer periods of time.
Turning sex into a spiritual
experience
Hindu Tantric texts suggested that
the orgasm could become a spiritual experience, with the sexual energy
associated with it being used for the highest motive - not just, for example,
using it to help yourself get to sleep! If men do not ejaculate when they
reach orgasm, then they too can use the orgasmic energy which flows around
their body at the moment of peak sexual experience for a higher purpose, a
spiritual purpose, in fact.
The effects of
orgasm on the body
Have you ever stopped to consider
what an orgasm feels like? Have you ever thought about how it affects your
body? And have you ever relaxed into the energy flow and observed how the
energy flows around your body at the moment of orgasm? Here are some exercises
which may help you to do just that.
Take your partner to orgasm and
make an effort to stay conscious with your partner as you enjoy your orgasm;
remind each other to stay present and look into each other's eyes as you
experience the moment of orgasm. This can be challenging, especially if you
are not used to such levels of intimacy. But it will give you a different
experience of orgasm to the one you have when you close your eyes and simply
allow yourself to be fully with and into your own orgasm.
Next, do the same thing again -
not, of course, necessarily on the same day! - and this time try following the
energy flow around your body as you approach and enter your orgasm. In
particular, try touching the roof of your mouth with the tip of your tongue,
just behind your top set of front teeth as you come. See if you can detect any
particular energy flow that makes this experience different form the other
ones you already had. Discuss it with your partner and see how they
experienced their orgasm.
One way to explore the idea that
energy flows around the body at the moment of orgasm is to enhance this
process by bringing yourself and your partner right up to the brink of orgasm
but not beyond it. You know how best to arouse your partner, with gentle
massage, fondling, caressing, and stroking; you also know what turns your
lover on. Now use these skills and your knowledge to arouse them so that they
approach the point of orgasm but they don't quite go over the edge. As you
reach their point of no return, slacken off the stimulation and let the energy
subside. Repeat this as often as you can in the same session of lovemaking.
You can of course also do this solo, with yourself as both stimulator and
observer. You may well discover a lot that you didn't know before about your
sexual response. You may discover, for example, where your point of no return
actually is - you may never have felt it so clearly before.
One of the great advantages to
this process is that it can help you to develop much greater capacity to last
during intercourse before you ejaculate - very useful if you happen to be a
premature or rapid ejaculator. And because the energy is flowing around your
body at much higher levels than before, you may well find that all of the
touch you receive from your partner or yourself is much more enjoyable - or
much less pleasurable - well, at the very least it will feel different!
All of this experimentation will
give you a knowledge of your body and your sexual responses which will allow
you to enjoy sex in a fuller way - or at least experience sex with a much
greater level of background knowledge about what arouses you. In theory, this
should allow you to enjoy better sexual responses and a fuller sexual
experience with your partner - after all, you now have the key to which bits
of your body you enjoy being stimulated the most, and how this stimulation
affects you.
One of the more enlightened things
about Taoist practice was that men and women were encouraged to be open about
sexuality, and that if they had inhibitions, they could use picture books full
of explicit drawings to break down the barriers of their shyness and explore
sexual possibilities together. They could indicate what they wanted to try
without even having to speak about it - a great way to overcome one's initial
embarrassment about sex.
And of course, the picture books
were also a great way of getting more aroused, so that when the lovers finally
began to make love, they were much less inhibited because they were already
somewhat aroused (we all find it easier to be sexual when we are aroused than
when we are not, in the sense that we are much more willing to try new sexual
techniques and sex positions).
Taoism regards sex as a very equal
process, so that mutual consent and loving encouragement would be the forces
that drove lovers into each other's arms. There would never be any coercion or
force, not least because energy exchange was a fundamental part of lovemaking,
and for the energy to flow equally, between partners, they must both bring
equality, love, openness and acceptance in equal measure.
Sexual energy
You can actually experience energy
exchange during sex for yourself, so it isn't just a theory. The exchange of
energy during sex, energy that goes above and beyond the level of how you feel
towards your partner, takes place at the fundamental level of your psychic and
spiritual being. You can open yourselves up to the greater flow of higher
level of energy by spending time caressing, kissing, fondling, and being
intimate in the ways that you know best. There must be no sense of tedium, or
urgency, no sense of this being a waste of time, no sense of this being an
irrelevance to the "real" aspect of sex - penetration, thrusting and
ejaculation! Energy exchange is in large part about satisfying your partner
and yourself, about raising sex to a higher level, about making sure that your
actions and sexual motives are for the highest good.
As an aside, it's important to
note that you won't want to be trying any of these Tantric practices if you
feel angry, resentful, hurt, or other negative emotions towards your partner.
The same is true in reverse.
Some things you can do to ensure
you enjoy sex
Enjoy a massage before sex. This
soothes away tension and induces a feeling of bonding to your partner; it also
arouses you and makes you more ready for sex.
Make sure that time spent together
having sex is not just about sex but is about time together - so talk, chat,
whisper, caress, come to understand the other better.
Learn to control ejaculation speed.
Spend time generating the right
level of sexual energy. Don't hurry, rush or worry.
The enjoyment of sex is in the
journey, not the arrival at he destination.
Try to match the Yin and yang
energy by engaging in the practices which slow down the arousal of the man and
speed up the arousal of the woman.
Men's Orgasm
You may be familiar with the
concepts of Yin and Yang energy: Yang is the male force, hot, passionate,
fiery; Yin is the female energy, water, slower to heat up - and slower to cool
down, just like a woman's sexual energy. Mixed together, they represent a
powerful force, one which can be used for many other purposes. Think of man as
the fire and woman as the cauldron.
The yin energy rests in a woman's
second Chakra; the fire in a man's base Chakra. When a man ejaculates, he
loses this energy and needs time to recover. Taoists say that the male orgasm,
is actually a separate process from ejaculation, a belief which is borne out
by much current knowledge about physiology and anatomy. The important thing is
that men who ejaculate when they reach orgasm
are losing physical and spiritual energy. The Taoists
suggest that a man keeps the physical part of his energy, his Chi, inside
himself, so that although he may have an orgasm, he will still have his store
of Chi energy.
Orgasm without ejaculation is
known as retaining your seed. There are some exercises which can help you
learn how to reach orgasm without ejaculating, but even if they are not
successful for you, they may still teach you how to make sex last longer.
Making sex last longer makes you a more considerate lover, makes you better
able to satisfy your partner, and gives you longer lasting pleasure. You will
also find that you keep an erection for longer too.
For the following exercises, you
need to practice with your partner. When the real essence of Tantric sex are
to be enjoyed, you need adequate practice, and it's probably better that you
do this at a regular place and time rather than when the opportunity arises or
when you feel passionate.
Reserve a time for sex
This isn't about feeling in the
mood or being passionate - it's about learning a new way to have sex, one
which will make your sex life much more enjoyable, so reserve a time with your
partner and stick to it, and when you are enjoying sex at that time,
Mood and passion don't really play a part in this learning process. Putting
sex in your diary isn't as mechanistic a process as you might at first think -
in fact you'll get used to the idea very quickly and then it will seem quite
natural to have sex on a regular schedule. Obviously anything to do with sex,
learning new sex skills, and practicing Tantric sex should be enjoyable and
fun.
The Locking Sex Position For
Sexual Intercourse
Have sex as you normally do,
enjoying it to the full, and let the man ejaculate as he normally would. Enjoy
it, be enthusiastic, energetic and passionate! Now, you are ready to begin.
Make love again: yes, that's right, have sex again. The man will not ejaculate
as quickly (and you can even repeat this a third or fourth time if you wish,
if the man is a quick comer and young enough to be able to get so many
erections in such a short space of time!) Take up a position for sex with the
man on top, and let him enjoy the thrusts of the bird or heron: in other
words, he pushes his wand of light or jade hammer (that's his penis) into his
partner's jade garden (her vagina) three times each quite deeply, then once
rather shallow. He then repeats this cycle of four thrusts. As he withdraws,
on the fourth - that is, the shallow - stroke of each cycle, if he feels he is
about to come, he should draw in his lower abdomen and arch his back. This is
called the locking sex position and it can assist him in not ejaculating.
Having said that, the man must be bale to tell how close he is to his orgasm
and must not leave his shallow stroke too late. He can continue with the thrusts of the
bird for just as long as he likes, and each time he approaches his ejaculation
he should stop thrusting in the locking sex position. When the feeling of
almost being about to ejaculate has reduced in intensity, he can resume the heron's thrusts.
Thrusts - for the man - of the
Dragon
Once you are experienced in sex
with the heron's thrusts, the nest step is the dragon's thrusts. This time you
enjoy nine deep thrusts and one shallow one: as before, the locking sex position
can help to delay ejaculation.
Once you have got to grips with this sexual technique and you can keep going
for longer during sex, you can try the
phoenix thrusts. This time you thrust with very shallow strokes nine times,
then you enjoy one deep thrust. This technique may well help your partner to
enjoy a vaginal orgasm! Remember: nine shallow followed by one deep.
By the way, if you are having
trouble controlling your ejaculation, you cannot help control it by
transferring your attention to something else. You need to stay present and
focused on what you're doing during sex, so counting sheep or running through
football scores in your mind is definitely not recommended: such techniques
keep you away from your feelings, distract you from awareness of how near to
ejaculation you are, and disrupt the flow of energy between you and your
partner during sex.
Delaying Ejaculation
Enjoy your lovemaking as described
above: practice the heron's thrusts, the dragon's thrusts and the phoenix's thrusts.
As you feel yourself approaching orgasm, don't withdraw your penis from your
partner's vagina, but instead press with your forefinger and thumb on you
perineum, between your scrotum and your anus. This is where your base
chakra is located, and by pressing on it you will stop your progress towards
ejaculation. You can only discover how much pressure you need to stop yourself
ejaculating by trying different pressures - use enough so that your desire to
ejaculate subsides. If your erection wilts, keep going with the technique,
because you will find that after a few attempts your erection is maintained
quit easily. If you wish, your partner can do this for you.
If you learn this effectively, it can make sex much more rewarding for your
partner as you will be able to keep up your thrusts for as long as you wish.
How long can you thrust for
during sex?
Taoist sex writings suggested a man
is able to make a thousand thrusts before he ejaculates. But whether this is
so or not, any increase in the duration of sex is obviously going to be
enjoyable for both the man and his partner. However, take it slowly: sudden
changes in what you do with your body during sex are not recommended,
especially if you have been accustomed to making love many times a week and
you suddenly stop. Your body may need time to adjust to sex without
ejaculation, and you can accommodate this perhaps by starting off with sex
that does not involve ejaculation every other time you have sex.
Once you have learnt how to
practice the locking sex position and the perineum pressure technique, you may
be able to experience the "delightful plateau" during sex, that is to say, the
non-ejaculatory orgasm. You still feel all the sensations of an orgasm but you
don't ejaculate. Because you do not lose your sexual energy (as you would if
you ejaculated), you can experience the delights of the plateau as many times
as you wish during your lovemaking. And obviously you can move on from this
plateau to higher peaks of sexual pleasure when you are ready to do so.
Continued
here.
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