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Tantric Sex
The ancient Tantric texts made the
point that both men and women could exchange energy during sex - and that this
energy would nurture both partners. You may think this is a strange idea -
after all, isn't sex just about physical pleasure? No, it's also about
spiritual connection, and about the ability to exchange energy in more than
one way (i.e. not just through the union of penis in vagina and the energy of
ejaculation). Can we prove the reality of this sexual experience? The answer
is yes - you can manipulate your chi or Kundalini energy so that it flows into
and through your own body and that of your partner during sex. And here's
how....
The tongue is a vital part of the
mechanism or keeping energy flowing through the body. Some of the earlier exercises
describe this. If you place your tongue against the roof of your mouth, it
will complete the circuit so that energy flows through you in a loop: for men,
around the body, up the back and down the front of the body. For women, up the
belly and down the back. At the union point of penis in vagina the energy will
flow through you into the other's body. If the man visualizes the energy flow
out of his penis and into his partner's vagina - for example, imagine a
glowing bolt of blue energy leaving the head of your penis and flowing into
your partner's vagina - you can experience the exchange of energy directly.
But there are other ways of exchanging energy, which involve the tongue.
You can really experience energy
exchange when kissing. To be a good kisser is not only a romantic act, but an
aid to the psychic process whereby you exchange energy - and you can
consciously feel this process. You'll want to devote a lot of time to the art
of conscious kissing by which we mean putting your whole attention onto
the act of kissing, rather as though you were making love but doing it with
full awareness and attention. You can nibble, suck, lick, explore each other's
mouths and even lick your lover's face. You can suck your lover's tongue, and
as you do so you can imagine energy flow between you both at the level of your
mouths. It's also recommended that you try sucking each other's fingers -
which you will want to make sure are well-washed beforehand - so that you
extend your sexual experience in many different ways. Take this in turns
- have your partner suck your thumb then try sucking your partner's: see how
erotic you find it as he or she explores the different areas of your hand
between your fingers with their tongue or mouth.
Once you've developed a sense of
how exciting or arousing you find the exploration of your body and your
partner's body with your mouth and tongue, you can move on to the next stage
of the experience - which is to explore your partner's skin with your tongue.
You can explore the whole of your partner's body - it's an intimate
experience, and you can get to know the body of your lover very much better,
in addition to finding out more about what turns them on. You can locate the
erogenous zones that make sex much more pleasurable for them - these may
include elbows, toes, armpits, bottom of the feet, thighs, back, and many
other places which at the moment you don't even know about.
Of course, some of the areas which your partner
may find it exciting to have licked during sex will already be known to you -
nipples, navel, ears, forehead, genitals and so on. You can achieve more
interesting results if you do all this with your full attention on what you
are doing, not distractedly. You can even imagine energy (which is sexual
energy) flowing up from your pelvic region and out through your tongue into
your lover's body. More specifically, if you are a man, imagine it flowing
from your anus and your balls, up through your penis and out through your
tongue. If you are a woman, imagine this sexual energy flowing up from your
vagina and up through your breast to your tongue, then leaving your tongue and
entering your partner's body.
Make sure you visualize energy flow from your tongue in whatever way seems
appropriate - a lightning bolt of energy, or as tiny sparks. You may well find
that your partner really does respond as if they have received a jolt of
energy.
The ultimate skill here is to bring your lover to orgasm using only your lips
and tongue, all the while imagining the energy flowing out from your tongue
and lips into their genitals and anywhere else you touch them on the body with
your mouth. You can start the process by kissing passionately but with
feeling, using full awareness of your energy flow and visualizing the energy
moving between you and your partner in whatever way seems most appropriate.
When you bring your partner to orgasm, close your eyes and see if you have any
awareness of the energy flowing between you. For example, you may particularly
feel or perceive the energy moving up your spine or around your chakras -
especially your brow chakra. This is a reflection of Kundalini energy energy
moving up your spine from your genitals. You may also like to pay attention to
the tip of your tongue when you bring your partner to orgasm - you may be able
to feel an upswelling of energy there. This is also a great technique to help
you learn how to last longer during sex, by the way. Just put your tongue to the
point immediately behind your upper front teeth in the middle of your jaw when
you feel yourself beginning to get near the point of ejaculation, stop
thrusting, and focus on moving the energy up from your genitals to your heart
and head.
A variation of this practice is to bring your partner to orgasm with manual
stimulation - in other words, masturbate them to orgasm and as they reach
orgasm, kiss them so that your tongues are intertwined. See how that feels as
you bring your awareness onto the energy flow. Then have them do the same
thing to you and this time see how it feels to be on the receiving end of the
process. Kissing together after orgasm is also good practice, because it bonds
you to your partner, and keeps the sexual energy flowing.
A second variation is for one of you to bring yourself to orgasm while you
both kiss - and when he/she reaches orgasm, look deeply into each other's
eyes. This is a very intimate way of making love, and you may find it feels
like your soul is being bared! It's worth doing it just for the experience of
love and trust which it engenders - you may have heard of the idea that people
merge at orgasm; well, this is one way of feeling something that approaches a
soul union during sex.
And Don't Forget To Stimulate The Chakras!
Besides focusing on the genitals - which, in this belief system, means the
pelvic chakras - why not try some stimulation of the other chakras? So, for
example, focus on the heart chakra by playing with energy flow around the
chest and nipples - some women, as you may know, can reach orgasm through
stimulation of the nipples alone. You can pinch, suck, lick, tweak and rub
each other's nipples in as many ways as you can think of to get energy moving
during sex. If you have enough facility with the concept and practice of
energy flow, then you may achieve some surprising results - like an orgasm! If
you don't achieve an orgasm you can simply enjoy the physical pleasure.
If you want to try playing with the base chakra,
then a woman may insert a finger in to her partner's anus and massage his
prostate; or if she prefers, externally she can massage his perineum - the
area between his anus and his testicles. A man can insert one finger into his
partner's vagina and one finger into her anus and massage her perineum from
both sides. (Remember to wash well afterwards.) All of these experiences can
be very erotic and helpful in coming to understand and experience how energy
flows during sexual intercourse.
Two final ideas: follow the path which the
Kundalini energy reputedly follows during sex with your tongue. For a man,
this is from the perineum between his buttocks ad up his spine to the top of
his head, then back down across his brow and down the front of his body back
to the perineum. There is another dimension to the experience if the man is
masturbating as she does this. If you are a man doing this to a woman, then
follow the path of the energy from your partner's vulva up the front of her
body to her brow chakra, She can masturbate as you do this - it's great if she
can reach orgasm at the point where your tongue reaches her brow chakra, then
follow the path of the energy down her back to her vulva.
The Balance Of Yin and Yang
The ancient sex manuals were well
aware of the difference between men and women when it came to sexual arousal.
The Kama Sutra recommends a gentle approach, not a forcible one, to seduce a
woman. In modern terms this would mean something like extending foreplay
beyond the bedroom, and making sure that a woman is safe, has reason to trust
you, and feels loved by you before sex begins. Skillfully seducing a woman -
and less so a man - depends on a gentle touch, a look, a sense of shared
intimacy, a secret agreement of things to come which is unspoken, and which
leads up to the act of lovemaking when the time and place are right.
Now of course lovemaking involves
different sexual energies - the power, the force, the quick-to-ignite sexual
energy of man, and the gentler, slower to arouse, longer lasting, and perhaps
slower burning sexual energy of the woman. But of course, and aroused woman is
a passionate force, and since the Taoist belief is that she is in connection
with the source of all generative energy in the Universe during sex, the
energy she can bring to lovemaking is no less powerful than the man's.
Taoist belief encompasses the
philosophy that men and women are made up of different proportions of Yin and
Yang energy. Women are predominantly Yin energy - men are predominantly Yang.
However, no person can be all or one of these - if you like, the sexual energy
you express always contains seeds of the other sex. We are all, in other
words, made up of varying degrees of Yin and Yang, feminine and masculine,
sexual energy. It is this presence of the components of the other person
within us that gives us a variety of personal and sexual characteristics.
According to the Taoists, your balance of Yin and Yang would manifest in the
following ways:
Yin qualities: lunar, soft, dark,
female, passive, receptive,
negative, inner worldly, emotional, deep, interior, retiring, nurturing,
absorbing, proactive.
Yang qualities: solar, dry, warm, light, male, active, outwardly directed, positive,
logical, intellectual, shallow, energetic, reactive, defensive, repelling, advancing,
aggressive, reactive.
Naturally, these are stereotypical qualities, and there is no man or woman
alive who shows only the male or female qualities. They are indications of the
kind of energy which we see in men and women, and in the energies they bring
to sex. The Taoists also ascribed the elements (Earth, Air, Fire, Water and
Metal) to either Yin or Yang, though this is f less interest to us now than
the qualities which they described, for these are commonly observable in terms
of our sexual energies.
If you consider how you feel about
men and woman, and then look at the list of qualities ascribed to the two
sexes, you'll see some things that seem instantly familiar: for example, Yin
energy is thought of as darker, deeper, more mysterious perhaps, and certainly
more generative than Yang energy. Yang is quicker to become aroused, quicker
to fire up, less deep and more visible - with men, sexually at least, what you
see is what you get. Women of course are slower to arouse, both sexually and
emotionally, than men; they also take longer to cool down after they have
become aroused. But though women take longer to reach orgasm, they reach
levels of sexual arousal which may exceed those of a man: and because men are
quicker to arouse, quicker to reach orgasm, and much quicker to become less
aroused after sex, there needs to be some accommodation, some understanding
between the sexes on how these differences in arousal rate are to be
accommodated.
Men, for example, need to ensure
that they seduce their partners gently and slowly; they need to stroke, to
caress, to fondle, to explore their partner's body non-sexually before turning
to her sexual areas; they should take account of a woman's need for intimacy,
for love, for a sense of being cherished and valuable; they should not expect
her to be as quickly aroused as they are. Women, on the other, need to
accommodate a man's desire for rapid arousal, quick relief and almost
impersonal sex from time to time - one way they can do this is by enjoying a
session of quick sex for the man's pleasure.
There's an exercise which can help
you understand the essence of Yin and Yang. You can do this with your partner,
one person at a time.
Yang Energy
If the man goes first, the woman
will give him a Yang massage. In other words, he lies down, making sure that
he is warm and comfortable, then she will start with his erect penis, holding
it with one hand and with her other making a series of concentric circular
movements on his belly, thighs and legs which gradually extend outwards from
his penis as the centre of the circles. She ends the massage with his face,
and then brings him to orgasm using her hands, lips and mouth - after which he
can do exactly as he wishes, including going to sleep.
Yin Energy
When the man reciprocates for his
partner, she lies down and makes herself comfortable, before her partner gives her
the equivalent Yin massage. As you may imagine, this means he starts with her
face (remember women are slower to arouse, so rapid attention to the genitals
may not be the best way to light her sexual fire). He keeps this hand in
contact with her face at all times, while his other hand traces slow movements
of massage over her body in gentle spirals, with her vulva as the focal centre
of the movements. As she becomes more aroused he brings her to orgasm, and
then fulfils her wishes to be caressed, to go to sleep, or whatever else she
wants to happen.
Is the Energy Different?
It's very interesting to compare
impressions. If you can develop a true intimacy with your partner and speak
from your heart about what happened for you during the massage, you may well
discover some profound things about each other's sexual energy and how it
grows as you touch and caress. You may also discover the ways in which you
need to adjust your sexual styles so that you are truly compatible in bed and
each get full pleasure and satisfaction from being sexual with the other.
Energy Cycles
Another aspect of the Yin and the
Yang is the flow of energy. We all know that a woman's sexual energy rises and
falls as she goes through her monthly sexual cycle; but what of the man's
cycle of sexual energy? That is a question which remains open to
interpretation, but the Taoists believed than a man's cycle was less than a
day long.....perhaps this reflected their view of how to explain the fact that
men had such a high level of sexual energy so consistently.
Chi
This is the name which the Taoists
gave to the energy which was released when a man ejaculated. It's not semen,
nor is it sperm: it's the vital energy which goes along with his ejaculation.
Since orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things, the release of a man's
Chi does not necessarily have to happen when a couple engage in sexual
intercourse: in fact he may enjoy multiple orgasms without ejaculation, in
which case his Chi is preserved and his energy remains high - this will
contribute to his good health. It's different for a woman, who, according to
the Taoist philosophy, gains energy every time she reaches orgasm.
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