Sex Techniques and Positions |
|
The Three Parts Of Sex - Going Beyond Sex PositionsWe often think of sex as a process that involves just the act of coitus, and that to achieve great sex we must enjoy sex in positions that give us physical pleasure. Of course, the physical pleasure of sex is great, and very necessary, but there are many other aspects of sex beyond positions which can render it into a good experience or a great experience. Think, for example, of the seduction, the sexual conquest and the lying together in a post-coital glow afterwards. And then imagine a view of sex far, far beyond the simple list of sex positions presented in websites such as this one, helpful though these may be. Imagine taking the view that sex goes on indefinitely - foreplay, seduction and afterglow all going on in a never-ending intertwined process in everyday life. What does this mean in practice? Think of sex itself: you can seduce and arouse your lover even as you make love. Think of foreplay: does it have to be just part of the sex act? You can make love during the day - in the sense of foreplay - by a word, a glance, a gentle touch, a romantic note left where your lover will it; romance goes on all the time and is a part of seduction. Think of sexual intercourse: from time to time, you no doubt stop and rest, when you can experience all the sensations of foreplay, sex and afterglow. Since even a look or a fingertip touch can be seductive and arousing, sexual energy can play a part in all you do, in all the commonplace moments of life. When it does, sex becomes more than just something you do to each other once a week (or whatever...) Tantric sexuality promotes sex from a weekly pleasure that's circumscribed by all the other things we do in life to an act of great spiritual significance. And since we should all be aiming to live a spiritual life, then sex becomes a part of our every day experience. Furthermore, if sex becomes an act of adoration for our beloved and the god or goddess within them, it can also be an act of adoration for the universal life force, for the universe, and we can aim to be in love continuously. As you may have discovered, for some women who have a degree of spiritual enlightenment (and some men), sex is not something that is limited to the act of coitus, but is a daily experience of love and orgasmic energy. My partner regularly has what she describes as energy orgasms in all parts of her body - usually in her back. We interpret this as the energy of sex (and the universal principle, whatever you call it, or however you define it) flowing freely around her body. In other words, while we need love, love for each other and love for the universe, our need for sex is only an expression of that need for love. Sex can be simply a very human way of expressing love. It's instructive to try to step back from sex as a means to scratch the itch of sexual desire, and instead consider how sex allows us to get in touch with the universal energy that lies behind everything in the universe. When we do this, we also get closer to our own sense of being a part of creation. While sex seems to gratify an obvious need, Tantra shows that the deeper need for love is the more profound aspect of our sexuality. And sex will be much more varied and thrilling when we understand that we aren't just 'having sex' but we are also exchanging energy, worshipping whatever you see as your god or goddess, and enjoying an intimacy with another human being, an intimacy which also allows us to nurture our inner selves and discharge Karma. Viewed in this light, sex becomes a way of worshipping many different aspects of our being and of the world around us. So that raises the question of right and wrong. Many of us automatically attach a concept of right or wrong to sex, viewing various sexual activities as more or less shameful - and if you think about it, this will certainly apply to you. Even if the limits of what is acceptable to you are very different to those of another person, you will still have limits which are as far as you wish to go during sex. But this is the wrong way to see things. The right way is to take the view that there is no such thing as good or bad, moral or immoral: you should only do something which is in accordance with your higher principles and feels right to you. Whatever the resulting sex you enjoy, that becomes your level of worship, your level of appreciation of god and your partner. It's neither right nor wrong, it just is the way it is. To me, one of the main questions is about motivation - what is your motivation? In a truly spiritual setting, even infidelity can be motivated by a true sense of spiritual growth. (As opposed to the usual motivations for infidelity - greed, desire, selfishness, revenge and so on.) The thing is that you have to be pretty much in tune with your spiritual sense for this to be a reason to act like this. But those who have achieved enlightenment of some kind by seeking out a union with another partner who could provide them with a spiritual gateway will understand the truth of this. And so in this framework it begins to seem possible to drop some of the old assumptions about sex: that men need sex all the time with as many different partners as possible, and that women can only be shy and reserved around sex, for to seem enthusiastic about it makes them into some kind of slut. Instead, how about taking a position where men see sex within the context of a loving relationship as a means to get the best sex possible, while women see themselves as fully sexual beings capable of just as high a level of arousal as men - and possibly more so. Here, then, is another aspect of sex, which goes well beyond the mechanics of sex positions. As I stated above, there are many ways to romance our lovers. We can wear clothes that will please or arouse them. We can phone them and enjoy sexual conversations - phone sex. We can secretly fondle and caress them in public places. We can get naked with them how and when we wish, and we can be assertive and imaginative in putting forward ideas for sexual pleasure when and where we want. And of course, especially with the benefit of this website, we can suggest sexual positions we would like to try! Being relaxed about sex implies that you will be able to enjoy the sort of activities that get you and your lover in the mood for romance: and that includes knowing what you want, and knowing what they want and need, and what they might like to do with you in or out of the bedroom. Of course, neither of you has to do anything that seems unpleasant, nor do you have to do anything that doesn't appeal to you. It's obviously helpful to know how to respond to each other sexually - which is where, as we have so often observed before, communication is all-important. Seduction When someone is signaling to you that they're interested in sex, you have to be sensitive enough to pick up on the idea! Think of the romantic atmosphere that sets the scene, the suggestion that you have sex, and the level of interest you have in sex. These are the key elements of seduction: Setting the scene can mean many different things. From lighting the fire, preparing the rug in front of it, to making sure you have a waterproof rug to lie on in the forest, to clearing the dishes form the kitchen table before you have rampant sex on it, to lighting the candles in the bedroom and setting the music player - all of these things and an infinite number more are about the atmosphere. where you are going to make love should reflect how you feel about sex at the time - slow and romantic, for example, or wild and wanton. Don't let your lovemaking goes astray through lack of forethought and planning! The suggestion of sex needs to be implanted in your lover's mind. This can be anything from a whispered suggestion to a glance across the room: a tiny hint of what might happen later, a suggestion of the intimate experience that you'll share, arouses anticipation and gets the sexual juices flowing. And of course you have to want sex. Your level of interest has to be high enough to drive events through to completion! This isn't just about sexual desire or libido, it's also about developing the interest in meeting your partner on the playing field of sex for a worthwhile game. So this will include things like making sure you're making love at a time when your partner is feeling sexy, matching your moods, and finding a compromise if you don't both want sex at the same time of day, for example. When you think ahead, it's the knowledge of you and your partner's wishes and desires that will make sex good for you both and turn your sexual encounters into worthwhile experiences. You also have to be realistic. It's pointless to expect every woman you have sex with (or every man) to look like one of the pictures in a men's magazine. Those are images of unattainable women - at least for most men - and you need to set your sights more firmly on reality. Many men like perfect female bodies, and when they don't get them they find that their desire is lower than it otherwise would be. We live in an age where there is a vast amount of pornography of all kinds available at the click of a mouse, and it corrupts our view of what real men and women should look like. From the distorted view of penis size which is presented by hugely endowed models, to the way men treat women as sex objects, to the appearance of women's bodies as perfectly formed, pornography does none of us any favors by giving us unrealistic expectations of sex and our sexual partners. Of course, good foreplay is just as important as sex itself - in fact, maybe moreso, because it sets the tone and increases desire of both partners for sex itself. This means that if you rush through it, you're not only short-changing yourself, you're likely to have a much less intense experience. Furthermore, if you lose the focus of penetration and ejaculation with which many men are obsessed, then foreplay can become an end in itself, and a great way to build intimacy. This is a very different way of seeing sex than the mechanics of sex positions with which most of this website is concerned. Foreplay needs to be renamed as something more like sexual play, to show that it is a vital component of all sexual play, something that continues through sex and out the other side into daily life! Think of touching, caressing, fondling, smelling, kissing, stroking, tasting, embracing, teasing, rubbing, massaging, scratching, biting, and all the other delightful things we can do when we make love. And then think how they contribute to intimacy. Making love is about as close to another person as it is possible to get! Trust and intimacy are key factors here in loving another person: to trust someone enough to open yourself fully to them is an amazing thing. And by opening in this way we come to see and understand the fact that our sexual partners can be not only our lovers but our closest intimates, our most trusted friends, people whose hearts and minds and souls are known to us. After sex you will have experienced the afterglow, a time of great connection and intimacy, a time to be together, lying in the still of lovemaking, for holding you partner and reinforcing your love for each other. Keeping these moments sacred and special is important because during this precious time after sex you can prolong the mood in a way that allows you to relight the sexual fire easily - a gentle blowing on the embers of the fire of passion soon gets it going again! Above all, remember that sex
should be
about fun, pleasure and enjoyment. It's also about opening up to the
greatest embodiment of human joy and a pathway to connect with the
energy of the universe. Having sex is being rich in spirit, rich in body, and
rich in mind. |