Sex Techniques and Positions
Sex Positions You Might Want To Try
Sex Positions You Might Want To Try
Tantric traditions specified positions that would lead to better sex. The Tantric tradition approved of experimentation and made it clear that a primary objective of coitus was sexual pleasure - so trying out different positions until you find ones that are comfortable and offer you the greatest sexual satisfaction is not a new idea!
We tend to think that the Kama Sutra and other pillow books revealed sex secrets which are somehow not available to us today. There is some truth in that, in the sense that the pictures of lovers in those books were not about titillation, they were designed for lovers so that they could look at, discuss, and experiment with various sex positions without embarrassment. Insofar as our inhibitions keep us from trying new positions, then we deprive ourselves of the possibility of greater sexual pleasure.
Furthermore, trying out different positions will always enable you to adopt loving positions for sex, positions in which you can embrace and caress each other with more affection or more intimately. While you might therefore assume that the focus was on sex, another view is that the focus is on love, and it is certainly true that having a loving partner with whom you can experiment can be more rewarding than trying these positions with casual sexual partners. The added dimension of love and intimacy provides a deeper connection than pure physical pleasure, rewarding though that can be.
One of the major variations in the positions was how deep the man thrust his penis into his partner. Certainly this can change the nature of all sexual positions, giving greater or lesser satisfaction; clearly this is a fertile area for experimentation. The most famous sex "pillow book", the Kama Sutra, describes about twenty basic positions, all exotically named, with countless variations!
Positions With The Man On Top
It may seem very boring to start with the man on top but we do know that more people enjoy making love in this position than in any other. We've listed all the benefits of the man on top position elsewhere on this site - see for example, the basic sex positions pages, or the advanced sex positions information - so we won't especially focus on that again here. Our objective is much more about illustrating the positions which were highlighted in these ancient texts, all of which have held men and women's interest (and excited them before sexual intercourse) down the centuries.
Widely opened woman
Starting in the missionary
position, the woman puts her knees outside the man's thighs, before arching
her back. The man supports his weight on his arms and knees. If she is fit
enough and supple enough, she should lift her buttocks off the bed and then
open her legs wide to invite deep penetration by her partner. For less fit
couples, a pillow under her buttocks may help them to enjoy sex in this
position. The other great advantage of this position is that the woman's
clitoris is easily accessible to both partners, so she can most likely enjoy
an orgasm while making love.
In this variation, the woman lies on her back and raises her legs as high as possible, the man kneeling before her. She places her ankles or calves against his shoulders, and he penetrates her in a kneeling position. This is a very exciting and arousing position for the man as it gives him a clear view of their lovemaking, and allows him to watch himself penetrating his partner.
If the woman prefers or finds it more comfortable, she can lower her legs and clasp her partner around his waist.
A very popular sexual position with those who love deep penetration, this variation on the man on top has the woman drawing her knees back towards her chest. the man straightens his legs and takes his weight on his arms, perhaps with the woman's feet resting on his shoulders.
The Sex Position for the Consort
A variation of this sex position has the woman relaxing her legs rather than pressing them together closely, so that her knees fall out to her sides. This allows the man to caress her feet and legs and strokes her ankles, perhaps even sucking on her toes if he so desires.
The Clasping Position
For an embrace in which little thrusting is possible but which allows intimacy and closeness while the man's penis is in his partner's vagina, the couple start to enjoy intercourse in the usual missionary position, and then intertwine their legs, and intertwine their arms. This is more a position in which to feel the energy of sex rather than to enjoy the movements associated with intercourse. It's very intimate and can feel even more loving if the couple have made a heart-to-heart connection before sex.
The Side Clasping Position
What we would call a side by side
position - a simple position, but very rewarding in many ways, starts with the
couple lying on their sides facing each other. To allow her man access to her
vagina, the woman lifts her upper leg and he penetrates her. They can then
fondle and caress each other, paying attention to each others' erogenous zones
(his breasts, anus, buttocks, testicles and belly, and her breasts, clitoris,
belly, buttocks and thighs).
Sex positions for Tantric Sex
Tantric sex is a concept that came to attention in the West quite recently. Most people think it's all about extending arousal, prolonging penetration and avoiding ejaculation. (The kind of position that's a bit like waiting for the plumber - you stay in all day and nobody comes.) But Tantra goes way beyond this. Imagine energy flowing around your body, through your sexual centers, into your lover then back to you. That's more what Tantra's about, though it's true that the ancient practitioners of Tantric Sex did think ejaculation was bad for a man: they believed it caused him to lose vital energy.
So we can think of positions for Tantric Sex as being those that allow a couple to extend pleasure: positions that get sexual energy flowing, allow you to delay or avoid ejaculation, and generate extreme waves of pleasure or orgasmic bliss for both partners.
If you want to know more about Tantra, you can find a lot of information on the internet. For example, check out: Source Tantra.
The question that concerns us here is: which sex positions are best for prolonging sexual pleasure?
Starting your Tantric arousal
A good way to start developing Tantric sex is through gentle, stimulating touch. The idea is not to produce orgasm or even high levels of arousal, but to stimulate your awareness of your body and its energy flows. Start by stroking each other's arms and legs with a gentle touch, for say fifteen minutes. Then take a break before moving onto each other's back, chest, face and neck. Again, avoid each other's genitals. This touch is not explicitly sexual, and you can use any position you like, though lying down with one partner stroking the other one is easiest. Alternatively, you can sit up with your arms around each other, though this position may be tiring if you have any back problems.
The next step is to spend thirty minutes or so stroking each other's breasts and genitals. Try and find as many ways to touch your partner as possible: that's to say, using different pressures, strokes and different parts of your fingers and thumbs. Again, the object is not to produce sexual arousal, so if a man's erection comes and goes during this phase of the process, that's fine. If you start to get bored, move beyond the boredom and focus your attention on your fingertips. Imagine every ounce of your sexual energy is focused at that point, and see it pouring into your partner's body. When you're on the receiving end, see if you can feel the energy coming from your partner's touch.
Next, try and pass this energy between you from the man's penis to the woman's G-spot. Get an erection and have the woman life motionless on top of the man with his penis inside her. Try and feel the exchange of energy; in any event, stay in this position without having sex for as long as you desire, or until your erection subsides, whichever is the longer.
Tantric Sex Positions
As the aim of Tantric sex is to prolong arousal and focus on energy flow rather than rapidly thrusting till you ejaculate, you need a position which is comfortable, will allow the man to sustain his erection, and which does not provide too much stimulation.
Man on top is not a good position for Tantric sex, since it is very tempting to thrust, it encourages deep penetration, and it is tiring on the man's arms (unless he's lying on top of his partner, which can be uncomfortable for her). And the muscle tension and strain which man on top promotes tends to speed up a man's arrival at orgasm.
All the variations of rear entry, likewise, are not good for prolonging intercourse, since these positions both encourage deep thrusting and may cause symptoms of premature ejaculation. However, they do provide a very arousing view of his partner's rear for the man!
As you've probably realized by now, that pretty much leaves side by side and woman on top positions as the most likely candidates for Tantric sex.
Side by side is probably the best, for it allows eye contact, mutual caressing, touching, and gentle slow intercourse. To repeat: the objective of Tantric sex is to allow your arousal to build without necessarily tipping over into orgasm and ejaculation. It's the flow of sexual energy around and through each other's bodies which provides intense pleasure.
Nonetheless, a certain amount of movement is needed to keep the man's erection hard and to stimulate the flow of energy during sex. A good way to do this is to have very slow sex: if you're the man, penetrate her vagina only an inch or two, then remain still inside her for a minute before withdrawing and resting the head of your penis in contact with your partner's clitoris. As you become more aware of the energy flow, you may actually feel it leaving your glans penis and flowing into her G-spot. Rest for half a minute then re-enter her. To encourage the energy flow, you can visualize the energy in whatever way seems most appropriate (blue light seems to work well). You may be surprised at the results when you do this: once your partner's G-spot is sensitized, she may begin to experience waves of bliss like energy flowing through her body. If you can intensify these waves of energy enough, and feed them back to each other, you may experience an ever-increasing level of energy flow which results in as vaginal orgasm for her. (It's often suggested that if you kiss the energy will flow back from the woman to the man through your entwined lips.)
As she becomes more aroused, she may beg you to thrust, craving more stimulation of her G-spot so she can reach orgasm. If you do thrust harder, you'll most likely come quite quickly, which breaks the Tantric energy flow. An alternative is to stimulate her G-spot with your finger; if you use fast or firm pressure, an artificial lube will help to avoid soreness in her vagina.
If, on the other hand, you can keep stimulating her G-spot with your penis without coming, you're likely to be heading for a massive orgasm yourself when you do eventually speed up and go for your orgasm. So, keep the very slow rhythm going for as long as you can, resting to let your arousal drop if you get too near orgasm.
An alternative routine is to alternate deep thrusts and shallow thrusts - say one deep thrust for every nine shallow ones.
In any event, once the woman has had her share of the sexual energy flow, and it's the man's turn, he can speed up his thrusting and rapidly take himself to orgasm. If you're in a Tantric position, it's possible for the man to experience a long-lasting orgasmic energy flow rather like a woman's multiple orgasm, simply by continuing to thrust after he has ejaculated. Many men develop an extremely sensitive penis after orgasm, and think it too uncomfortable to continue trusting. But the discomfort actually dissipates quite quickly, and by continuing to thrust gently after you have ejaculated you may find that you move into a blissful multi-orgasmic state. Actually, it's not so much a multiple orgasm as a rolling wave of orgasmic energy which can continue for quite some time.
Another link for Tantric Sex. There are many more - you can easily find them for yourself by researching Tantra or Tantric Sex on Google. Body Electric is another organization which teaches sensitive approaches to energy and the body.
The Three Parts Of Sex - Going Beyond Sex Positions
We often think of sex as a process that involves just the act of coitus, and that to achieve great sex we must enjoy sex in positions that give us physical pleasure. Of course, the physical pleasure of sex is great, and very necessary, but there are many other aspects of sex beyond positions which can render it into a good experience or a great experience. You can see how true this is when you consider the phenomenon of retarded ejaculation, in which a man may have a hard erection but still not be able to ejaculate. This is almost always an emotional issue.
Think, for example, of the seduction, the sexual conquest and the lying together in a post-coital glow afterwards. And then imagine a view of sex far, far beyond the simple list of sex positions presented in websites such as this one, helpful though these may be. Imagine taking the view that sex goes on indefinitely - foreplay, seduction and afterglow all going on in a never-ending intertwined process in everyday life.
What does this mean in practice? Think of sex itself: you can seduce and arouse your lover even as you make love. Think of foreplay: does it have to be just part of the sex act? You can make love during the day - in the sense of foreplay - by a word, a glance, a gentle touch, a romantic note left where your lover will it; romance goes on all the time and is a part of seduction. Think of sexual intercourse: from time to time, you no doubt stop and rest, when you can experience all the sensations of foreplay, sex and afterglow. Since even a look or a fingertip touch can be seductive and arousing, sexual energy can play a part in all you do, in all the commonplace moments of life. When it does, sex becomes more than just something you do to each other once a week (or whatever...)
Tantric sexuality promotes sex from a weekly pleasure that's circumscribed by all the other things we do in life to an act of great spiritual significance. And since we should all be aiming to live a spiritual life, then sex becomes a part of our every day experience. Furthermore, if sex becomes an act of adoration for our beloved and the god or goddess within them, it can also be an act of adoration for the universal life force, for the universe, and we can aim to be in love continuously.
As you may have discovered, for some women who have a degree of spiritual enlightenment (and some men), sex is not something that is limited to the act of coitus, but is a daily experience of love and orgasmic energy. My partner regularly has what she describes as energy orgasms in all parts of her body - usually in her back. We interpret this as the energy of sex (and the universal principle, whatever you call it, or however you define it) flowing freely around her body.
In other words, while we need love, love for each other and love for the universe, our need for sex is only an expression of that need for love. Sex can be simply a very human way of expressing love. It's instructive to try to step back from sex as a means to scratch the itch of sexual desire, and instead consider how sex allows us to get in touch with the universal energy that lies behind everything in the universe. When we do this, we also get closer to our own sense of being a part of creation.
While sex seems to gratify an obvious need, Tantra shows that the deeper need for love is the more profound aspect of our sexuality. And sex will be much more varied and thrilling when we understand that we aren't just 'having sex' but we are also exchanging energy, worshipping whatever you see as your god or goddess, and enjoying an intimacy with another human being, an intimacy which also allows us to nurture our inner selves and discharge Karma.
Viewed in this light, sex becomes a way of worshipping many different aspects of our being and of the world around us. So that raises the question of right and wrong. Many of us automatically attach a concept of right or wrong to sex, viewing various sexual activities as more or less shameful - and if you think about it, this will certainly apply to you. Even if the limits of what is acceptable to you are very different to those of another person, you will still have limits which are as far as you wish to go during sex. But this is the wrong way to see things. The right way is to take the view that there is no such thing as good or bad, moral or immoral: you should only do something which is in accordance with your higher principles and feels right to you. Whatever the resulting sex you enjoy, that becomes your level of worship, your level of appreciation of god and your partner. It's neither right nor wrong, it just is the way it is.
To me, one of the main questions is about motivation - what is your motivation? In a truly spiritual setting, even infidelity can be motivated by a true sense of spiritual growth. (As opposed to the usual motivations for infidelity - greed, desire, selfishness, revenge and so on.) The thing is that you have to be pretty much in tune with your spiritual sense for this to be a reason to act like this. But those who have achieved enlightenment of some kind by seeking out a union with another partner who could provide them with a spiritual gateway will understand the truth of this.
And so in this framework it begins to seem possible to drop some of the old assumptions about sex: that men need sex all the time with as many different partners as possible, and that women can only be shy and reserved around sex, for to seem enthusiastic about it makes them into some kind of slut. Instead, how about taking a position where men see sex within the context of a loving relationship as a means to get the best sex possible, while women see themselves as fully sexual beings capable of just as high a level of arousal as men - and possibly more so.
Here, then, is another aspect of sex, which goes well beyond the mechanics of sex positions. As I stated above, there are many ways to romance our lovers. We can wear clothes that will please or arouse them. We can phone them and enjoy sexual conversations - phone sex. We can secretly fondle and caress them in public places. We can get naked with them how and when we wish, and we can be assertive and imaginative in putting forward ideas for sexual pleasure when and where we want. And of course, especially with the benefit of this website, we can suggest sexual positions we would like to try!
Being relaxed about sex implies that you will be able to enjoy the sort of activities that get you and your lover in the mood for romance: and that includes knowing what you want, and knowing what they want and need, and what they might like to do with you in or out of the bedroom. Of course, neither of you has to do anything that seems unpleasant, nor do you have to do anything that doesn't appeal to you. It's obviously helpful to know how to respond to each other sexually - which is where, as we have so often observed before, communication is all-important.
When someone is signaling to you that they're interested in sex, you have to be sensitive enough to pick up on the idea! Think of the romantic atmosphere that sets the scene, the suggestion that you have sex, and the level of interest you have in sex. These are the key elements of seduction:
Setting the scene can mean many different things. From lighting the fire, preparing the rug in front of it, to making sure you have a waterproof rug to lie on in the forest, to clearing the dishes form the kitchen table before you have rampant sex on it, to lighting the candles in the bedroom and setting the music player - all of these things and an infinite number more are about the atmosphere. where you are going to make love should reflect how you feel about sex at the time - slow and romantic, for example, or wild and wanton. Don't let your lovemaking goes astray through lack of forethought and planning!
The suggestion of sex needs to be implanted in your lover's mind. This can be anything from a whispered suggestion to a glance across the room: a tiny hint of what might happen later, a suggestion of the intimate experience that you'll share, arouses anticipation and gets the sexual juices flowing.
And of course you have to want sex. Your level of interest has to be high enough to drive events through to completion! This isn't just about sexual desire or libido, it's also about developing the interest in meeting your partner on the playing field of sex for a worthwhile game. So this will include things like making sure you're making love at a time when your partner is feeling sexy, matching your moods, and finding a compromise if you don't both want sex at the same time of day, for example. When you think ahead, it's the knowledge of you and your partner's wishes and desires that will make sex good for you both and turn your sexual encounters into worthwhile experiences.
You also have to be realistic. It's pointless to expect every woman you have sex with (or every man) to look like one of the pictures in a men's magazine. Those are images of unattainable women - at least for most men - and you need to set your sights more firmly on reality. Many men like perfect female bodies, and when they don't get them they find that their desire is lower than it otherwise would be. We live in an age where there is a vast amount of pornography of all kinds available at the click of a mouse, and it corrupts our view of what real men and women should look like. From the distorted view of penis size which is presented by hugely endowed models, to the way men treat women as sex objects, to the appearance of women's bodies as perfectly formed, pornography does none of us any favors by giving us unrealistic expectations of sex and our sexual partners.
Of course, good foreplay is just as important as sex itself - in fact, maybe moreso, because it sets the tone and increases desire of both partners for sex itself. This means that if you rush through it, you're not only short-changing yourself, you're likely to have a much less intense experience. Furthermore, if you lose the focus of penetration and ejaculation with which many men are obsessed, then foreplay can become an end in itself, and a great way to build intimacy. This is a very different way of seeing sex than the mechanics of sex positions with which most of this website is concerned. Foreplay needs to be renamed as something more like sexual play, to show that it is a vital component of all sexual play, something that continues through sex and out the other side into daily life! Think of touching, caressing, fondling, smelling, kissing, stroking, tasting, embracing, teasing, rubbing, massaging, scratching, biting, and all the other delightful things we can do when we make love.
And then think how they contribute to intimacy. Making love is about as close to another person as it is possible to get! Trust and intimacy are key factors here in loving another person: to trust someone enough to open yourself fully to them is an amazing thing. And by opening in this way we come to see and understand the fact that our sexual partners can be not only our lovers but our closest intimates, our most trusted friends, people whose hearts and minds and souls are known to us.
After sex you will have experienced the afterglow, a time of great connection and intimacy, a time to be together, lying in the still of lovemaking, for holding you partner and reinforcing your love for each other. Keeping these moments sacred and special is important because during this precious time after sex you can prolong the mood in a way that allows you to relight the sexual fire easily - a gentle blowing on the embers of the fire of passion soon gets it going again!
Above all, remember that sex should be about fun, pleasure and enjoyment. It's also about opening up to the greatest embodiment of human joy and a pathway to connect with the energy of the universe. Having sex is being rich in spirit, rich in body, and rich in mind.