Sex Techniques and Positions

The Woman's Orgasms - Clitoral and Vaginal (With and Without Female Ejaculation)

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Female Orgasm Comes In Many Different Forms

An important part of Tantric philosophy is that women's orgasms are not limited to the "simple" clitoral orgasm. Indeed, while we in the West might think that we discovered the G spot, the truth is that the capacity of women to enjoy various types of orgasm has long been recognized by the Tantrikas.

Of course, there's a lot of shame around sex and sexuality in the West for women - and some of this shame centers on the genitals and the very natural act of self-pleasuring (aka masturbation!). But if you can get over this, the best way to find out about different types of orgasm is to enjoy self-exploration with your fingers and hands - or those of a loved partner. It's the easiest way to get intimate knowledge of your own body, and to locate the parts of your genitals which will give you the greatest pleasure. When you know about the best way to get pleasure, you'll be best placed to tell your lover how he can pleasure you - and to get pleasure during sex and masturbation yourself. IN addition, you'll now exactly how to please him during sex in the way that most excites him.

Whereas the Tantric texts frown on male masturbation, they regard female masturbation as worthwhile, even to be recommended. The yin energy has to be dissipated at times when your lover is not there. And by knowing your orgasm well you can relax and enjoy the spiritual aspect without having to worry about technique or false expectations. Begin by knowing the different types of orgasm and how you respond to them.

The Clitoral Orgasm

Hopefully you know where your clitoris is located. If not, this website has a detailed account of female sexual anatomy: Sex and Relationships. It's actually above the vaginal opening at the point where your labia meet. It's a small bud, which swells up when you're sexually aroused, and is responsible for the majority of female orgasms. There aren't actually many sex positions in which the clitoris is stimulated during intercourse (see the Coital Alignment Technique sex position on this website for one of these), so a woman who is going to reach an orgasm during intercourse generally needs to have additional stimulation to her clitoris - unless she has a G spot orgasm, which is described below. 

Consider how a clitoral orgasm actually feels. When you have an orgasm in this way, experience the orgasm fully. From where in your body does it feel as though the orgasm is spreading out? What sort of stimulation is most exciting? Do you like vaginal penetration at the same time as clitoral stimulation? Can you and lover be open about masturbation, so that you enjoy clitoral stimulation by either your own hand or by his all the way to orgasm?

Vaginal Orgasm

As we all know, most men cannot last long enough during sex to bring a woman to a vaginal orgasm - the stimulation required is long and persistent. If a man can thrust in a regular rhythm for upwards of fifteen or twenty minutes before he ejaculates, he may be able to bring his partner to orgasm through intercourse alone. If not, he can blend the stimulation of his partner's clitoris with stimulation of her G spot, using his tongue or lips or hand externally and a well-lubricated finger internally. If, however, you are one of the fortunate couples who can reach orgasm through vaginal thrusting alone, you'll know how different a vaginal orgasm feels to a clitoral one.

The Tantric texts have always had a lot to say about the importance of the G spot. It's located an inch or two inside the vagina on the upper surface (viewed as a woman lies on her back). Its sensitivity to stimulation varies from woman to woman - in some cases it may need to be desensitized by a loving partner if a woman has not previously experienced G spot arousal. There are many sex positions which allow a man to increase pressure and stimulation on the G spot, so that the chance of his lover reaching orgasm this way is increased. In general, the right position for G spot stimulation is the one in which the head of the penis, or the coronal rim, rubs against the G spot gently but persistently in a rhythm that suits his partner's particular sexual characteristics. The angle of his erection and the angle of her vagina will also have an impact on the choice of position which is best for G spot stimulation.

At a high level of arousal, women can experience blended orgasms, where they get orgasmic sensations from the clitoris, G spot and deeper in the vagina all at the same time. This may be the most rewarding kind of orgasm for a woman, and requires patience and love and trust between the partners during their lovemaking. For example, a man may be bale to use his penis to stimulate the G spot while he uses his finger and thumb to stimulate his lover's clitoris. If he adds anal stimulation into the mix as well, he may be bale to add even greater pleasure to his partner's orgasm.

Female Ejaculation

The question of female ejaculation has been raised many times, especially with the growth of interest prompted by the internet. I suppose the question on everyone's lips is "Is it a real experience or is a woman just peeing?" The answer is a resounding "Yes, it's real!" Under the right conditions, with prolonged G spot stimulation, a woman will ejaculate a varying amount of fluid - which is definitely not urine - at orgasm as her orgasmic spasms propel this fluid from her urethral glands. You're most likely to see it as a sudden increase in a woman's wetness at the moment of orgasm rather than as a dramatic ejaculation! The techniques for producing a genuine ejaculation need to be learned, and they involve fairly vigorous stimulation to a woman's G spot - though I have seen enough evidence of ejaculation on the internet to believe that all women are capable of it, whether they know it or not, with the right stimulation. Some women produce a large amount of ejaculatory fluid, and others produce less: but all women are capable of it, given the right stimulation, and the Taoists implicitly recognised this fact in the name they gave to the fluid: nectar of the moon. It was thought of as being very healthful for men, since it was highly charged with female sexual energy!

Your Pubococcygeus Muscle (PC Muscle)

The power of the PC muscle should not be under-estimated (in men or women, though here we focus on its importance in women's sexual arousal). It's a muscles which is directly involved in all the sexual responses, extends throughout the genital area, and adds greatly to the pleasure of orgasm the more powerfully it contracts during your orgasmic spasms. You can identify your PC muscle by stopping your urine flow in mid-stream, or by placing a finger inside the vagina and gripping your finger by clenching your vagina. It is easy to develop a strong PC muscle, although you really need to strengthen it with a routine of exercise against resistance - which is why the Kegel Master, or similar machines, are ideal for the purpose.

Couples where the woman has been keen enough on sexual pleasure to devote time to using the Kegel Master report that sexual pleasure is dramatically increased when the vaginal muscles are toned and strong - this is not the same as simply having a tight vagina, since tightness does not equate to strength. A woman with properly toned vaginal muscles can bring a man to orgasm simply by squeezing and relaxing her muscles around his penis without any other movement!

Of course, the information given above may make it sound like it is always easy for all women to reach orgasm, and as you yourself may be well aware, that is not necessarily always the case. Indeed, some women find it quite hard to reach orgasm, no matter what sex position they use, no matter what length of sexual stimulation they receive, and no matter how loving the relationship they are in. The best way to get around this is to use a program specifically designed to help women break through any barriers to orgasm, such as the one described on this website dealing with female anorgasmia or inability to reach orgasm. If you are orgasmic, but cannot come during intercourse, then you and your lover can incorporate finger and hand play to ensure that you receive the pleasure of orgasm through masturbation - and, incidentally, so that your partner has the pleasure of bringing you to orgasm (which is actually very important and rewarding for most men). By the way, although it's a piece of advice which has featured many times in various fora, we should also mention here the importance of communication during sex...if you don't tell your partner what you want, he may well never know. And it's no use dropping clues - tell him clearly and directly. If you're too embarrassed to talk openly about sex, then visit an educational website like this one about sex and relationships which will help you break down these barriers.

In changing a man from a perhaps rather self-oriented lover to a man whose main focus is on his ejaculation and pleasure, to one whose focus is on mutual pleasure and equality, one who knows how to please you truly and deeply, two main things are needed: great levels of self-awareness on your part and good communication skills. And I suppose you could also add "a healthy openness about sex and sexuality".

Oral Sex - Cunnilingus

Oral sex is one of the most intimate acts a man can offer a woman. And if the woman is able to receive it willingly, without embarrassment or shame, then it can be a route to great sexual pleasure. The sensation of your partner's lips and tongue on your vulva, labia and clitoris can be incredibly arousing and rewarding, almost as though your partner is worshipping you and honoring your female sexuality. There are several things that help it to work: first of all, tell your partner what feels good and what feels less good so that he knows what to do and can give you the greatest pleasure. Some women begin to get irritated when their partner fails to give them pleasure in the way they would most like, while not recognizing that he has no way of knowing what this may be unless you tell him! Secondly, if you want his finger inside you, or outside, in a particular place, you need to give him feedback so he can meet your needs. Yes, this can be distracting the first few times you do it; yes, he may need to be reminded a few times before he's got the skill - but after than, your level of subtle communication will be such that you can lose your self in the sexual experience, and he should by then be able to respond to slight shifts in your body position during oral sex that allow him to work out almost intuitively what you want.

Finally, keep in mind that sex is something that involves two people. If he's giving you oral sex, it's always helpful to keep his sexual energy high by holding his erect penis. And remember that when eh ejaculates, his energy will drop and he may lose interest in sex - which is why it's important that you are satisfied first! You, the female Goddess, feed his male energy. He guides you to the enjoyment of your pleasure, and his sexual interest and excitement is kept high by feeling your arousal and pleasure peaking. Without the right sexual response form each other, the whole experience of sex becomes less enjoyable and satisfying for you both. But each of you has some responsibility: you, the woman, need to worship his male energy, and respect his power as a man; if he comes too quickly, then your responsibility is to communicate to him exactly what would make things better for you and what you expect of him during sex. His responsibility is to work at prolonging the length of time for which he can thrust before he ejaculates, so that the possibility of you both receiving greater pleasure is increased.