Sex Positions & Techniques

The best guide to sex positions and lovemaking techniques on the Internet.

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Enjoying sex toys - dildoes, cock rings and vibrators

Why not enjoy sex toys if you've never used them before?

You can take a view that sex should be fun - of course, it can be many other things as well: spiritual, passionate, loving, healing - but it can also just be fun!

When you're playing sexually, messing around with your partner in fun sexual play, you can use sex toys to add to the pleasure, and you can enjoy them when you masturbate on your own.

What's more, you'll be following a long tradition: sex toys have been around since the time the first woman discovered it could be fun to insert something in her vagina.

The first recorded sign of sex toys is on a vase dated about 2500 years B.C. where a woman is being penetrated orally and vaginally by two huge dildos. The Chinese used silk bandages as cock rings to maintain erection, and the Romans undoubtedly had dildos, since we see representations of them many times in their art.

The Chinese had a clitoris tickler in the shape of a ring of feathers which fitted over the penis, so that during intercourse the woman's clitoris would be stimulated as her partner thrusted. And of course many women who've worked with vibrating machinery have had the unexpected pleasure of feeling aroused as the vibrations stimulated their clitorises.

So if you would like to enjoy the fun of sex toys, be they penetrative or not, the first step is to find a good supplier and browse their stock.

You'll find there are hundreds of dildos, cock rings, vibrators, duo-balls, massage oils, condoms, inflatable toys, realistic vaginas and blow up male dolls, and other toys galore: but they all have only one purpose - to get you to orgasm with pleasure.

You may feel foolish buying (or event thinking of using a masturbatory aid like a "realistic" vagina or a vibrator, but look at it this way: no-one will ever know, and the sex toys can be delivered to you without anyone ever knowing.

The simple fact is this: that sex toys can be a great way of enhancing your sex life, especially if you're a bit repressed.

Certainly, you can add immensely to your sexual repertoire, and you can push the boundaries of your sexual experience further than they have been taken before, both inside and outside intercourse.

(Many vibrators are designed to be worn during intercourse around the penis; they can also be inserted into the anal canal for extra stimulation.)

You may want to start with the basic sex toy: the vibrator. These come in all shapes and sizes, for all kinds of uses.

They can be inserted like a dildo into the vagina or anus (even, in some cases, into both simultaneously), rubbed on the clitoris or penis, or other parts of the body, or worn inside harnesses or around condoms to provide added stimulation during sexual intercourse.

By the way, vibrators can be a very effective way of helping a woman to reach orgasm if her partner suffers from early ejaculation and reaches orgasm before she does.

Obviously most vibrators are battery powered, and this gives them the advantage of portability and flexibility - you can take them anywhere, depending, I suppose, on their size.

Not all vibrators will fit into a small handbag! However the batteries may not be particularly long-lasting.

If you're going down this route, I'd recommend buying a vibrator which is designed to suit the shape of the vulva, so you can stimulate the clitoris and the vaginal opening at the same time.

Some vibrators simply, well, vibrate, but others twist, turn and rotate to give added stimulation when they are inserted into the vagina.

These don't have to be solely for the use of a woman masturbating on her own, as they can easily take a place in the sex play of a couple before they have intercourse.

Slim vibrators tend to be more suited to anal use: they also have a cross piece to stop them going too far up your anus!

Vibrators also come in the shape of Duo-balls, designed to be inserted into the vagina and held there by muscle power.

For men, the most common sex toy is probably the cock ring, which fits snugly around the base of the penis to keep his erection firm, perhaps after he has ejaculated, so he can go on thrusting.

Combined with a vacuum pump, these cock rings have a role in aiding men with erectile dysfunction to keep an erection firm enough for intercourse.

How do you choose a vibrator?

You may well want to find one that vibrates at the best speed for you. In fact, scientific research has shown that the best speed for a woman to reach orgasm with a vibrator is 80 cycles per second, though the opportunity to test the toy to see if it matches your optimum "jiggle speed" may be rather limited!

Try one that attracts you from and that you find aesthetically appealing.

How do you start?

If you're new to sex toys, you might want to start by playing alone to get the feel of it (though obviously you can share the experience with your sexual partner if you prefer!)

Fantasize while you stroke your body with your hands. Make sure you're warm and relaxed, and you have time to get into a sexy mood which won't be interrupted!

Once you're relaxed, and you're focused on what you're doing, turn the vibrator on to its lowest speed and move it around over your stomach and chest to get the feel of it.

Try it on your nipples to see how exciting this feels. Once you work up to putting it on your clitoris, discover how you like to use it - a firm touch, a light touch or just little fleeting moments of touch: and you may find a good lube helps you to enjoy this more.

Since each woman will respond to sexual stimulation differently, finding out how you best like the vibrator to stimulate your clitoris is a very personal thing, but all you need to do is follow the sensations that feel good for you.

Just go with the flow, and when you find what you like, try the vibrator with a harder touch and perhaps from a different angle.

Doing this on your own the first time you do this is likely to cause you less embarrassment: if one of your reasons for getting a vibrator is to reduce your sexual inhibitions, this is the best way to start. Your sexual partner can enjoy the experience with you later.

It's impossible to know before you start whether you will reach orgasm quickly or indeed at all.

Sexual responsiveness to a vibrator varies greatly from woman to woman, so the best way to begin using a vibrator is without any expectation that you will reach orgasm.

Find out what feels good for you, follow the process and as you get amore aroused, try different strokes until you find one that takes your sexual arousal on an increasing path towards orgasm.

Sometimes you will find that you just don't come, in which case, relax, don't get upset about it, and try again when you feel sexy.

Being aroused before you start using a vibrator is not a prerequisite, but it does mean you are more likely to come. And you can also try the vibrator on all its different speed settings to see which suits you best.

If you have never had an orgasm, it's a reasonable question to ask: "How will I know when I am going to have an orgasm?"

The answer is that your body starts to do things it doesn't normally do, like getting tense, with your back arching, your hips thrusting, and your nipples erect.

It's a pleasant sensation, with an increasing build up of tension in the pelvic muscles and around the anus and vagina, which is released in a series of rhythmic contractions accompanied by very pleasurable feelings at the moment of orgasm.

It's a good idea to focus on what your body is feeling, though you can use fantasy to help you get more aroused and to take you over the edge into orgasm if you need to.

It's my experience that woman often don't reach orgasm for lack of a little extra stimulation, so if you feel you might be near an orgasm, don't be afraid to turn up the power or speed of your vibrator!

While not all women need a vibrator to reach orgasm, some find that the powerful rhythmic stimulation of the vibrator on or near their clitoris is exactly what they need to get to orgasm.

Obviously you can use this during sex with your partner to reach orgasm, perhaps even while you enjoy sexual intercourse and your partner has his erect penis inside your vagina. This can be a powerful and fulfilling sexual experience for both partners.

When you are able to reach orgasm with your vibrator, you might want to learn how to use your fingers to reach orgasm.

You can take yourself most of the way to orgasm using the vibrator, then, at the last moment, take over with your fingers and use whatever movement of them on or near your clitoris will get you into your orgasm.

Can I use it during intercourse?

A vibrator can be a great way of getting extra pleasure during intercourse. You can use it when the woman is on top or when you are enjoying rear entry sex. (Other pages: woman on top and rear entry.)

If your man is going to masturbate you using the vibrator, you can lie on the bed with your legs apart while he lies beside you and uses the vibrator to stimulate your clitoris and vulva.

You may well need to give him both direction and feedback, as he is unlikely to know what sort of touch you will enjoy unless you tell him!

Indeed, if the vibrator is a model that has a small tip that requires placing precisely on your clitoris for you to reach orgasm, then you might have to finish the job yourself to ensure sexual satisfaction!

There's nothing wrong with using a vibrator to reach orgasm!

Millions of women enjoy the extra sexual pleasure that they get from using a vibrator. To overcome the idea that is it inadequate or unnatural, take responsibility for your orgasm and acknowledge that you are the one who is causes you to reach orgasm, however it may be achieved.