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Adapted from the forums at Measurection.com: A discussion about sex.

Sex doesn't have to be about sexual intercourse!

A man posts: So this may sound strange but here goes: I'm having my very best sex in a long time now and I'm not even having sex. The story? Well, it goes like this: I met a woman online, she was a rather larger girl, around my age (30), living about 90 miles away. Naturally, meeting on the net means we spent time talking about sex - this led to us telling each other a secret: I told her my dick was on the small side and she told me her vagina was not very tight! As you can imagine, this made me think that sex between us could never work out, but then she made the comment that in her view "Intercourse is rated too highly." She was trying to tell me that we could still have a lot of sexual fun even if we just couldn't make the sexual intercourse part work for us.

So I go and find her, we get on well, we start messing around, and so on. Then, when my underwear comes off she says there's no way penetration is an option, which takes me by surprise. So of course I ask what she's saying, and she simply replies with her body fat our bodies aren't ever going to get together for penetration. She even said that she wouldn't get any feeling out of it, and this woudl not be fair to her.

Now if your first thought is "Wow, you bitch, what about his pleasure?" I'd simply say that she was telling the truth as she saw it and not being hurtful. Facts are facts, right? So instead she says that we will enjoy sex with our hands, and by using mouths and sex toys. I don't want to give you the details, suffice it to say that everything she did to me was amazing! And what's more, it looked like she was really enjoying it too. After I'd cum several times, she showed me what she wanted me to do to please her and believe me, by the time we went to bed, we had each had several orgasms and I was happier and more fulfilled sexually than I had been for ages - and all without sexual intercourse. Bear in mind I never went inside her with my cock (though I did play around with my fingers in her vagina).

The final thing she said as we parted was that I could see her whenever I wanted, and no, I woudl never get inside her with sexual intercourse. Now I fell I can easily give up intercourse because I am so happy. Am I crazy?

In response a man writes:

No way! If this is what turns you on, and you're enjoying yourselves, why would it be crazy? Why worry about it? She may not be totally honest in denying that she wants intercourse (though what you're doing has its attractions - it's safe sex, and she doesn't risk pregnancy) but the main point here is that she is admiring your sexual skill, she wants to see you again, and you're having fun! Why do we all think sex has to be about a penis in a vagina! No, you most certainly are not crazy. I wish that more people in our society ran their sex lives in the safe and responsible way you are doing. For one thing, there would not be so many unwanted babies. Second, everyone would have more fun!

Another guy posts:

Yes, I too think intercourse is overrated, at least mostly. Oral sex from my partner and sex toys have been my main way of expressing myself sexually for more than 19 years, I do have sexual intercourse but I believe it's not really very important for either a man or a woman. In a sex life of over 48 years, I have never met a single man or woman who couldn't get off perfectly enjoyably from using hands, tongue, toys or even rubbing bodies. And by get off I mean satisfyingly, many times, and with complete satisfaction - myself included!

Why? Well, surely because the the biggest sex organ you have is your brain, not your pussy, your dick or your arsehole? Think of it this way: you can spend hours exploring a partner's body, finding out what turns them on, working out the most sensual points of their body and gently testing out how they react to different stimulation on their pussy, penis, balls, anus, and clit, nipples, and so on. You can lick over their body, find the sensitive points, and all the time you are enjoying the journey of discovery. In short, sensual and sexual explorations combine into an exciting adventure. There's nothing like the feeling of naked skin against naked skin, rubbing your body uninhibitedly against another person's.

Sex isn't just about intercourse, penetration, and masturbation. If you take time to enjoy the sensual aspects of sex, you never quite know where things are going to end up - you may have penetrative sex, you may not, you may enjoy vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, oral sex...it doesn't seem to matter because the objective is the journey, not necessarily the arrival at orgasm in her vagina. Passion can increase gradually when you take sex as a leisurely process, without pressure to perform, or thrust for a certain number of minutes in her vagina before you come. And, for that matter, without pressure for her to come, or for you to "give" her an orgasm.

I take the view that we are a great deal more sexual than most people think, and certainly our sexuality is focused in much more than our penises and our pussies! From time to time, my partner is naked while I'm fully clothed, but I can happily bury my face in her crotch, just enjoying the sensations of licking and sucking.

ANOTHER MAN WRITES:

There is a lot more to sex than sexual intercourse. And of course sex is important, and indeed it is a regular part of many people's sex lives, but even so it is just one of the infinite number of options we have. And here's the thing - why let sex get boring? Consider some of the options: Tantric sex, talking "dirty", erotic massage, phone sex, mutual masturbation, cybersex, s&m play, other role playing, sex toys - including dildos, vibrators, and straps - frottage, mouth play, sucking, rubbing, bumping and grinding, sex play, dressing up games, food play, and nakedness, sex in the open air, and so on......and on....and on.....In the light of all this, intercourse might seem a bit "vanilla" - but that's actually what most people like, most of the time.

Another man replies:

I don't think you experienced guys (by which I mean guys who have slept around with many different partners) know how sexual intercourse feels for men like me. It's really special, and always has been. I thought I would never have a sex life until I met my now wife, and that was fourteen years ago. We have enjoyed a lot of sex without intercourse in those years, all of which has been very enjoyable. But intercourse seems like an almost spiritual experience to me; when we make love, there seems to be no greater gift my wife could offer me than her body, and when I push my (very short) penis into her it seems like the ultimate moment of love. A long session of slow rhythmic sex is extremely satisfying, so much so that occasionally when she is on top she has even managed to reach orgasm while I am inside her thrusting away (as much as I can). And I have to tell you that for me at least this experience is about as good as life gets. If you think intercourse is overrated, I'd respond by saying that you mustn't underestimate it either.

A man replies to the first post:

While sex (by which I mean intercourse) frequently plays an important role in my relationship, and we are stronger and emotionally fulfilled because of it, the other sexual acts we enjoy satisfy our deep carnal desires and keeps things interesting. And as for a guy who just enjoys playing with a gal he met on the internet, I'd say so long as he understands what he's doing, surely he isn't really missing out on anything?

A controversial opinion from a man who replies to the first poster:

Sex is the most important thing. In fact, without it, I'd say there isn't really a relationship. The main point of a relationship is to be in a monogamous relationship, to reproduce and raise a family. Without sex, the concept of an intimate relationship actually makes no sense, just because there is no intimacy. Couples who live in a sexless relationship are simply good friends.

I suggest you give up the fat girl and find someone more in line with your dick size. Suppose she is right, and it's true that your bodies are incompatible. Suppose she's just letting you enjoy some sexual play because she's fat and can't get anyone else? Suppose she is putting up with your small dick just because you are putting up with her fat? It might feel good now but this could end up hurting when she finds a man who is "compatible" with her body size (and her vaginal size) and then she may drop you. Just keep doing this if you’re bored but don't get too attached and don't get dependent because there's huge potential for a let down here.

And then he receives several replies to this:

While sex - intercourse - is a wonderful experience within a loving marriage or relationship, intimacy and sex are not the same thing - and neither are love and sex. These are totally different things. You do not have to have sex to be in a loving and caring marriage or relationship, nor do you have to want to have children to find it desirable to make a public or ceremonial commitment to another person.

As for your assertion that he should "lose" his fat female friend, you may be surprised to learn that larger women actually enjoy sex too. Why don't you want a man to be free to choose how he finds partners for sex?

Another man offers these thoughts:

Some of the greatest sex my wife and I have never includes sexual intercourse. In fact I often prefer a hand job while we kiss. Sometimes we try the 69 position and sometimes we take turns with cunnilingus and fellatio. Sometimes we don't have condoms so we just masturbate each other. But if we both reach orgasm the who cares whether there is or isn't sexual intercourse? In fact, for men I often think the orgasm is the objective, regardless of how it's reached. The other day I was having a hand job and ended up fucking her hand, as it were, while we were lying on our sides. This sounds odd but it was really hot and sexy.