Sex Positions & Techniques

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 Exploring Variety ( p 140 having the best sex ever)

To describe lovemaking positions with the kind of practical detail that appears in this section of the book necessitates adopting a somewhat clinical approach to the subject, and this has the unfortunate tendency of divorcing sexual activity from its wider context of affection, intimacy, tenderness and passion. By discussing movements, angles of penetration and the various techniques of arousal for either partner, it inevitably risks reducing the wonder of making love to that of a how-to guide perhaps more in keeping with a gymnastics or a keep-fit manual.

No one can tell two people what is the correct way for them to have intercourse - lovemaking is their own personal act of creativity and an expression of their emotional, psychological and physical make-up. How a couple want to make love, or what they require from a sexual relationship, depends on the needs of the individual or the relationship. Those needs can change from day to day, ,year to year or from one partnership to another. Telling someone how best to achieve an orgasm cannot possibly address the complex emotions which are also integral to every person's sexuality, or even touch on the shared vulnerability and love which is surely the essence of a truly fulfilling sexual relationship.

Yet in even the most loving partnerships, certain patterns can set in which make the sexual relationship repetitive and eventually boring. Exploration and variety can be as much an enhancement to a sexual relationship as any other aspect of a creative life. Then there are simple physical facts about sexuality that people may simply not know or fully understand because it is often difficult or embarrassing to talk about the nitty-gritty details of sexual performance.

So, for instance, a man could regard himself as an experienced lover, yet despite his Olympian efforts in bed, still fall to satisfy his partner sexually because the positions he favors do not provide the stimulation she needs to achieve an orgasm. The woman, herself, may not understand exactly why she has been unable to reach her peak of arousal, for she may be attracted to her partner and even enjoy those same positions for all the other emotional feelings they provoke.

Examples of this are the various positions shown here where the woman's legs are vertical and resting on the man's shoulders. This position can be exciting for them both, because the man feels powerful and potent, while the woman may enjoy the sensation of surrendering her body to his thrusts. Yet this position precludes the possibility of her receiving direct clitoral stimulation, and is unlikely to lead her to orgasm, so it is not an ideal one to continue for any length of time. Knowing about the subtle variations of position gives partners a greater range of choices and also more understanding of how to fulfill their own and each other's overall sexual and emotional needs.

Deep Penetration

Some of the more adventurous sexual positions often rely on the man being considerably more active than his female partner, and taking almost complete charge of the movements of intercourse. The positions shown on these pages all require the legs of the passive partner to be held upright or pushed back towards the body, and are mostly variations of the man-on-top position, although the last illustration shown here shows how to reverse the roles so that the man assumes the more passive and traditionally feminine posture of drawing back the legs.

When the woman takes this passive position, she needs to be supple in her joints and limbs to remain comfortable, and it is advisable for the man not to keep her in this pose for too long. It is best used as an interesting variant to other movements which allow the woman greater flexibility of motion. Also, because her vulva is not in direct contact with his body, the woman is unlikely to gain direct clitoral stimulation from this position and so it is unlikely to lead her to orgasm, which is another good reason for the man not to pursue it for too long.

However, he can stimulate her clitoris with his hand, and caress her body while using this more adventurous lovemaking position, but this should be done only in a loving and sensual way. Most women dislike the feeling of being fiddled with in a mechanical way, and prefer arousal to come from a natural, flowing sequence of movements.

Adventurous Lovemaking

The pleasures to be derived from these positions are that they add variety, they allow deep penetration, which can be very arousing to both partners, and the man is able to express his strength and potency and thrust his pelvis freely. The woman may enjoy the feelings of surrender and "helplessness" that can accompany these positions, and to gain the maximum pleasure from them, she should totally relax her body and yield herself completely to her partner's thrusts.

Command the Action

When the woman's legs are raised and leaning against the man's shoulders, he can penetrate her deeply from his kneeling position. She has less movement than him, although her partner can lift and lower her buttocks with his hands. She receives no direct stimulation to her vulva from this position, but her partner can apply some arousing
strokes to her clitoral area with his fingers. She may especially enjoy being able to lay back and relax while her partner takes command of the action.

Total Surrender

For deep vaginal penetration, the woman can draw her legs right back into her body, and bend her knees to rest the heels of her feet against his shoulders. The man can then lean into her, pushing her legs even further back, while supporting his weight with his arms and thrusting his pelvis freely. Again, the woman is able to move very little in this
position, but can enjoy surrendering to the thrusting sensations. For easier penetration into the vagina, he can raise her hips by placing a pillow beneath her buttocks.

Position of Power

The woman's body becomes even more compact if she draws her knees towards her breasts and places the soles of her feet comfortably onto the man's chest. This position provides little clitoral stimulation as her vulva is lifted away from her partner and her movements are limited. However, she may find the powerful surge of her partner's thrusts very thrilling and be content to submit to a passive role. While the man can enjoy feelings of power and strength as he makes love to his partner like this, he needs to be careful not to penetrate her so deeply or vigorously that he is hurting her cervix. If, in this position, he stops thrusting for a while and leans his body back a little, he can apply an exciting pressure from his erect penis to the woman's G-spot.

Role-Reversal

This position offers a fun and unusual opportunity for role-reversal. Here, the man lies on his back with his knees drawn up and his legs raised so that he is assuming a position viewed more typically as a female one. The woman lowers herself onto his penis carefully, making sure its angle is right and that she does not bend it awkwardly by moving too quickly. She squats, so the backs of her thighs rest against the backs of his, but she supports her weight on her feet, and uses her legs as leverage to move up and down, or she can wiggle her hips from side to side. Only a supple man will be able to maintain this position for long, but it will certainly help him to understand a woman's perspective of the submissive role.