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Sexual Positions Revisited

People's sex lives can include all aspects and varieties of sexual experience, but we think that hand-to-genital manipulation is the most effective way to produce an extended orgasm. Training to produce extended orgasms, which involves communication and special sexual techniques, also enhances other types of sexual acts. Pleasuring someone involves the seduction of his or her mind and total being, with the goal of giving your partner wonderful pleasure. Although you are pleasuring your partner through their genitals, your attention has to be on your partner, not just their genitals.

How to pleasure a woman and a man is described here. We'll provide you with a general overview of the information and techniques that are necessary in this art: how to lubricate, how to expose the clitoris, how to position your touching hand, where to touch a woman, and what you can do with your free hand. After you've learned the basics, we'll describe some pleasurable techniques for pleasuring a man. We'll also describe "peaking", which can be used to intensify and elongate an orgasm, and explain the ways in which it's similar in men and women. Finally, we'll talk about the signs of orgasm and conclude with information on how to bring your partner down from the ecstasy of orgasm.

Pleasuring A Woman

When pleasuring a woman, one of the most important first steps is to ask her to get into a sex position in which you can pleasure her. Basically, you want her to lie down while you lie down or sit next to her so that you have a good view of her genitals. Later, we provide a whole section about different sex positions that she can assume, but we'll give you the basic guidelines here.

Beds are a good place to lie down, but a mat on the floor or a blanket in the woods also works. You want her to be comfortable, and you must also be comfortable, because you both need to be able to stay in your positions as long as necessary. Also, in order for her to experience an extended orgasm, her body must be very relaxed. Your body must be relaxed too, because your partner will feel any tension that you experience. All your "pleasuring" paraphernalia, such as lubricants, towels, and drinks, should be within arm's reach.

When you first pleasure a woman, it's a good idea to become familiar with her genitals. Before touching her genitals, you'll want to get a good view of them and notice and report what you see. (The "Training and Communication" section tells you more about what to say at this point.) This may mean using a fairly bright light, so that you can see what you are doing. A woman who is interested in having better orgasms values a man who is interested in looking and learning about her body and its capacity for sexual pleasure..

Before putting on any lubricant, we recommend that you separate her labia minora (inner lips) with your hands, gently placing both your palms on her labia majora (outer lips) and slowly moving them apart. This separation gives you a better view of her clitoris, vulva and the other parts of her genitals. You can also separate the inner lips with a couple of fingers, pulling gently apart on both labia. Move all pubic hairs that might interfere with your strokes out of your way. If there are any loose hairs or foreign materials on her genitals, like toilet paper, remove them as well. It is fun to tease a woman's genitals before you put on any lubricant or do any stroking. You can lightly touch all around her genitals, except her clitoris, as long as it is pleasurable. This makes her want you to touch her clitoris.

Some women may be so wet that you can use their natural lubricant. We think that it is even better to use additional lubricant, as the clitoral area does not produce natural lubricant, and you may be rubbing for an extended time and you won't want to cause any abrasions.

You can expose the clitoris by pulling back its hood. It is a good idea to "anchor" (see below) her clitoris with the thumb of your pleasuring hand, as the clitoris can be very elusive. After you pull back the hood, stroke directly on the clitoris with either your middle or index finger. The entire head of the clitoris is very sensitive, but there will be one spot which is more sensitive than any other.

Now that you know where her "spot" is, you have to learn how to lubricate, how to anchor, and how to stroke for optimal pleasure.

Lubrication

First, the lubrication. There are a number of different lubricants that you can use. Some are more viscous than others. Vaseline and Abolene are petroleum based and quite thick. They have good staying power and need not be reapplied. They can stain the sheets, however, and some people don't like the feel. They should not be used with latex, as they cause it to break down. Many water-soluble lubricants come in different viscosities, too. We like to use KY Jelly, which is fairly thick for a water-soluble lubricant. It is also fun to spread on the genitals. If you are stroking for a while and her genitals start to feel dry and sticky, you can dip your finger into a little water, which causes the already applied lubricant to become slippery again. Some people like to use Astroglide, which is very liquid.

You can create your own style of applying the lubricant. Depending on which lubricant you prefer and how viscous it is, you can spread the lubricant with a delicious touch. When I use KY Jelly, I spread it slowly up from the perineum, along both lips. I use two or three fingers, and as I approach the clitoris, I spread my fingers apart and deliberately avoid lubricating the clitoris. Another method is to lubricate each inner lip separately, with a slow and deliberate touch. This is a good way to apply Vaseline. You can spend time on each lip, getting very close to the clitoris and then backing off. You can play with the area right under her clitoris, which is called the vestibule. You can even touch the clitoris from below, hold your finger there for a few seconds, and then return to the vestibule. You can invent all kinds of creative ways to spread the lubricant, and you can do it differently each time if you wish.

You need to keep two areas dry and free from lubricant: her clitoral hood and the thumb on your pleasuring hand. This way, when you pull back the hood and anchor her clitoris, your thumb will not slip.

Anchoring the Clitoris

The clitoris tends to move while you are trying to stroke it. This usually happens when you are pleasuring someone for the first few times, and it is part of normal resistance. It sometimes happens even after you have done someone a number of times. Some women's clitorises tend to move more than others. The clitoris "dives" under the hood, back into her body, or even shifts from the left to the right side or vice versa. Anchoring the clitoris prevents it from moving.

To anchor it, first place the meaty part of the thumb of your pleasuring hand against the left side of her hood (if you are right-handed) and press toward her clitoris, where the head and shaft meet. Then pull up on the hood, exposing the clitoris. If you are left-handed, place your left thumb against the right side of the hood and pull up on the hood to expose the clitoris. You are now free to stroke directly on the clitoris with either your middle or index finger; your thumb, exerting a light to moderate pressure against the shaft, will keep the clitoris from moving as it presses.

Some people have difficulty pulling up the hood to expose the clitoris. If this is the case, you can use your free hand to pull back the hood. Place your palm on the pubic area and press up till the clitoris is exposed. You can also ask your partner to put her fingers on her pubic area and pull up the hood herself.

The Stroke

If you're stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoral head, it's important that you use short strokes with your fingertip to produce the most intense sexual sensations. Longer strokes tend to leave the right position and take the woman down - i.e. down from the heights of ecstasy. (It's okay to take her down, of course, but you want to do that deliberately.) Long strokes tend to travel over her hood or rub below her clitoris. This makes the woman doubt that the man knows where her spot is. Some women who have never been pleasured before might like this type of stroke, because they can appreciate any attention given to their clitorises. When you do use a longer stroke, do it deliberately, and realize that it's not the best method for taking someone higher (i.e. into deeper orgasmic experience). If you're not sure what position you are on, take a break and look.

People like to be touched in a myriad of ways. Some like light touches, and others like firm pressure. You can be sure that the pressure they desire will not always remain the same. Women who can get off really well have learned to do so with almost any pressure. It's a good idea to ask her what she likes. Some women don't know what they like, as they are inexperienced, and other women who do know still won't tell you. Some women even give you false information. You don't need to worry about this, however, if you touch her as if you were touching silk, velvet, or satin. When you touch these fabrics, you're not trying to make the cloth feel anything special. Instead, you are touching for the pleasure the fabric gives your hand. This way, you can feel sure that the touch feels good to her as well.

The best stroke for taking her up is short and on the upper left quadrant, with your thumb anchoring her clitoris. We call this basic stroke the bread-and-butter stroke. Besides being short and on the spot, it is almost a pinching motion. The finger and thumb maintain constant contact with the clitoris and don't let it slip away. The clitoris is between two fingers and thus can't easily hide. The "pleasuring" finger can go to any part of the exposed clitoris and stroke with a repeated, dependable motion.

You'll want to continue stroking her clitoris while you stroke the inside of her vagina. The two hands stroking together can take her to wonderful peaks. Avoid her cervix, which is in the back of her vagina, and her urethral canal, which is up inside at the twelve o'clock position. You can use an in-and-out movement or press the pads of your fingers, with only slight movement, against the vaginal walls. Her vagina probably will be lubricated, so no further lubrication is necessary.

Here's a stroke that I like to use with my other hand: My two fingers (the index and middle) are spread, with their pads turned up, and I massage the clitoris from the inside by the G spot, at eleven and one o'clock. The thumb of that hand is outside, above the clitoris, exposing and anchoring the clitoris so that my pleasuring hand can reach it. Insertion can be a lot of fun, but the emphasis should still be on the clitoris.

You can also stimulate her anus with a finger, especially the little finger, when all your other fingers are in use. However, unless she has used an enema beforehand, don't move this finger from her anus to other areas, because the anus has many bacteria that could cause an infection. Some women also like to have their anuses stimulated from the inside with a finger. In this case, it's best to use lubricant. Ask questions, and proceed slowly and deliberately.

Sometimes there is no insertion at all. Insertion isn't necessary for a great orgasm.

My main intention is to teach women to have - and men to give - great orgasms. Women have, after all, been getting men off since before the dawn of history. The world's "oldest profession" is about getting men off. There's very little information about getting women off though! Nonetheless, many of the techniques that we have described above (under "Pleasuring a Woman") can also be used to pleasure a man. This section explores some fun ideas for pleasuring a man. These include taking charge of his body, using light and slow strokes, touching a soft cock, playing with his hidden cock and scrotum, and cock sucking. We'll then give an example that will help you tie these techniques together.

Taking Charge

A turned-on woman has few problems giving a man pleasure. The biggest problem she'll encounter, probably, is getting him to lie still and be totally relaxed. A naked woman on a bed generally tends to resist at first, but once a man is naked on the bed, he is putty in your hands.

If you are pleasuring a man, you have to let him know that you are in charge and let him know what you are pleasuring. You can give him direct instructions, such as "Relax," "Stop moving your hips)" etc. Sometimes a woman rubs a man for an extended time without communicating. He wonders if she knows what she is pleasuring and when she will ejaculate him. It is very important to communicate to him that you have a plan and that when you are ready to have him ejaculate, you'll do so easily. Let him know that the goal isn't ejaculating in the future, but feeling the strokes that are occurring right now.

Man on top intercourse positions - the missionary position revisited

Woman on top position revisited

Side by side, standing and rear entry revisited

Sex Positions & Techniques

Sexual Positions Revisited