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Pages about sex tips, tricks
and techniques
[ Fifty mistakes men make during sex ] [ Fifty mistakes women make during sex ] [ Ways to drive a woman wild in bed ] [ Ways to drive a man wild in bed ]
Sizzling sex
tips to make your sex life absolutely fantastic....
......because great sex is about more than just positions!
Here are our top tips pages! Click on
the links to go there:
Fifty
mistakes men make when having sex with a woman
Fifty mistakes women make when having sex with a man
For men:
The top ten ways to drive a woman wild in bed!
For women:
How to please a man in bed so he'll never look at another woman!
But why have a section of sex
tips, tricks and techniques at all?
Discovering new sex positions is great, of
course, and can add hugely to the fun of a sexual relationship, but new positions alone
will not increase your sexual compatibility with your lover in the long term.
What makes a sexual relationship successful has more to do with intimacy,
tenderness, tolerance and open-mindedness, not to mention being accepting and
non-judgmental when your partner opens up their heart and soul to you in the
act of lovemaking.
When you know each other well, the way you make
love on successive occasions can be very different. One day you may be in the mood
for passionate, urgent sex; the next you may want slow, romantic and loving
sex. Women especially can expose their vulnerability and gentleness through the
act of love - or, rather, they can do so when they connect their heart and
body and open up fully to a man - this is something that usually happens when
they trust him.
And it's also important to remember that the sexual
positions and techniques which you liked and favored in a previous
relationship may have to be modified or even abandoned when you meet a new partner,
for sex is definitely not a "one size fits all"
activity!
With a new relationship, allow plenty of time
for a sensual approach to lovemaking. Take the time to get to know your
partner and their body: this way, you will better understand what turns them
on, what they like and appreciate, and what things to avoid. What does this mean
in practice?
Perhaps, first and foremost, it means
communicating with your partner. Even sexually experienced men and women can
be shy about asking for what they want in a sexual encounter, whether this
means a particular position or activity (like oral sex), or a different approach
to lovemaking (like taking it more slowly, for example). But there's a real
danger that if you don't ask for what you want, you'll end up feeling
resentful and disappointed, feelings which are bound to leak out in some way
in your relationship. The key aspect of being able to talk to your partner is
feeling safe - knowing that they will not put you down or belittle your sexual desires
or wishes.
Second, it means taking the time and trouble to
understand what your partner really wants from sex (especially if they are to shy
to say it without your help). Nowhere is this more clear than in the question
of how men and women like to be touched during sex. We all know that men like
their penis to be stimulated (a horrible word, but it's hard to think of a
better one: fondled? caressed? masturbated?) early on during sex, and with a
firm pressure. This is so different to the way women like to be touched: a
woman usually prefers a more gentle and subtle approach, with delicate touches
from her partner only after she has become aroused.
The clitoris is extremely sensitive, and most
women dislike being touched there too early on in lovemaking. As a general
guide, it's only after being kissed, caressed and touched elsewhere, all over
her body, belly, back, neck, shoulders, and indeed touched enough to become so
aroused that she is producing vaginal lubrication, that a woman is ready for
her lover to approach her clitoris. Too much touch, too soon, is not only
irritating for her but can also be quite painful. (Not something a man would
ever say about his partner touching his penis!) Having said that, once a woman is aroused, touching
and licking on and around her clitoris can be extremely exciting for her.
There's a huge variety of movements on and
around the clitoris that a woman may like you to try: for example, gently touching
it with the very tip of your tongue, licking up and under her clitoris from
the vaginal entrance, gently pressing your lips across the hood of her
clitoris, or the moving your warm wet tongue across her whole vulval area
- there's no way to predict what will turn a woman on most, and the only ways
to find out are either to ask her, or better yet, to try and find out for yourself!
But even though a woman may find it incredibly
erotic and powerful when you stimulate her clitoris, she will almost certainly
want you to focus on other parts of her body as well from time to time: her
nipples and breasts, of course, for they are two of the most erotic and
erogenous zones on her body; her belly, neck, lips and face; her buttocks; in fact,
all of the rest of her body may be aching for your touch and caresses as you
make love to her.
If you're using your fingers to play on or
around her clitoris, then you'll certainly need some lubrication - either her natural
vaginal juices if she produces enough, or saliva, frequently replenished from
your mouth. This will give you the perfect opportunity to kiss or lick her
vulva, which can be as delightful for you as for her. If you prefer, you can
use some artificial lubricant instead. You must use a water-based
lube if you are going to wear a condom later on when you penetrate her.
For a woman stimulating a man, the important
thing to remember is that his penis is much more used to being handled firmly
- perhaps even in your eyes roughly - than your clitoris. A good way to learn how
he likes his penis to be handled is to watch him masturbate: you can then try
and copy his movements. But don't be afraid of trying something you've thought
of for yourself as well: you'll know when he likes what you're doing from the
sounds he makes! Kissing and licking his testicles as you stroke his penis
shaft or lick its head is also a sure-fire way to bring him great
pleasure.
There is another reason why I
think this section is important. It's because sexual problems are much more
common than you might think, and anything that sparks off a higher level of
arousal for men and women may help to solve certain problems - namely,
anorgasmia in woman, and the
fact that some men can't come
(can't ejaculate) during sex. I admit it's a bit simplistic to think that
simply offering a page of sexual tips and tricks can instantly solve a man or
woman's anorgasmia - but what it can do is offer hope and ideas. Hope, in the
sense that you have something to look forward to when you are fully orgasmic;
ideas, in the sense that you can look through them with your partner and by
doing so, open up new lines of communication and discussion - which is the
first stage of becoming more liberated about sex.
In addition, any page of practical
sex advice will contain information on how to
delay your orgasm during
intercourse (slightly ironic considering that so many people have trouble
reaching orgasm) and
last longer
in bed by delaying a quick ejaculation.
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