Sex Positions 

The best sexual positions and the finest lovemaking techniques!

Male erectile dysfunction is a real problem - not just because a man finds it difficult to get an erection, although that is very disruptive to a good sex life: but also because his sexual self-esteem and his sense of male self are diminished by the fact that such a vital part of his masculinity has been removed. Yet few men seek help for erection problems; there is a sense of shame and embarrassment attached to erectile dysfunction, even in these more enlightened days when hopefully the medical profession should be able to adopt a more enlightened approach to healing men with sexual dysfunctions of one kind or another. So what is to be done about the problem? If you're a man with erection problems, you'll probably be looking for information about the cause of erectile dysfunction, a list of the various symptoms of ED, and you'll certainly wish to know about the available treatments for erectile dysfunction. If you choose not to seek medical help, then the best option is to use a self help treatment program, which will show you how to overcome ED and get back to full erectile fitness as soon as possible. And the good news is that even cases of erectile difficulty which are based in physical problems respond well to treatment of this kind.

Better Orgasms During Sex

The notes in this section continue from here, and are again based loosely on the book "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy" by Margo Anand, published by Penguin in 1989. 

Margo Anand suggests that love and acceptance are the main things that contribute to the sexual healing process.  She observes that we need to fully understand what it means to love ourselves and all of our bodies - including our genitals - before we can truly love another person, both sexually and emotionally. For example, one woman in a sexual healing group reported that she had allowed men to penetrate her vaginally before she was fully aroused for most of her adult life.  The consequence of this was the buildup of vaginal armoring: a process of physically and psychologically defending against the hurt of this intrusive penetration.  When she met a man who understood the need to sexually heal her vagina, in which these minor abuses had been stored as cellular memory, thereby preventing her from enjoying full sexual pleasure, she was able to allow him to give her an internal massage - and this released the physical, psychological, and emotional blocks stopping her getting full enjoyment of sex.

Her lover aroused her by giving her a full body massage and paying attention to her clitoris without suggesting that he wished to penetrate her. By encouraging her to breathe into and fully accept her feelings of sexual pleasure she gradually became very aroused; at which point he gently penetrated her with his fingers and started massaging her vagina with his fingertips.  Those men who have taken the time to explore the internal anatomy of the vagina will know that the position of the G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina (when a woman is lying as if she were ready for sex in the man on top or missionary position) and that massaging it during sex can produce an extremely erotic sexual energy flow for a woman. In this particular case, when the woman's lover found her G spot, she described his massage as triggering an "unusual sort of electric, erotic sensation".  With the aid of deep breathing and relaxation, plus the encouragement of her partner's loving, caring touch, the sexual stimulation of this position caused the erotic energy to flow around the rest of her vagina and outwards to her body.  At this point her lover penetrated her with his penis and so stimulated her G spot again; he was also caressing her clitoris with his hand, and the rhythmic stimulation of both her clitoris and vagina, in the rear entry sex position, caused her to have an intense orgasm which she described as "a sensation of pleasure so overwhelming that she burst into tears".  This is the kind of sexual experience that women commonly report when their vagina is awakened from insensitivity caused by unwanted, unwelcome, or unappreciated sexual involvement.

The opportunity to receive healing love and gentle sexual massage from a loving partner is invaluable in restoring a woman's sexuality to its innocent state: by which I mean the state in which she is open to receiving sensual and sexual pleasure with free flow of erotic energy around her body.

Margo Anand describes this state - which applies to a man after sexual healing just as much as to a woman - as enabling male or female sex organs to enjoy their instinctual ability to experience ecstatic lovemaking.  It is certainly true that when one achieves the higher levels of sexual pleasure there is some kind of instinctual process at work during sex, almost as if one knew without thinking what best to do to arouse and satisfy one's partner.

The first process we shall discuss is healing in the vagina - also known as the Yoni in the tradition from which Tantric sex originates.  But the origin of these techniques is actually somewhat irrelevant; what matters is their ability to increase the level of sexual pleasure which a woman can obtain from her lover during either manual stimulation or sexual intercourse. 

If you are a man you may have had moments during sex where you had a sense of the vagina as almost a sacred entity, something where you receive your greatest pleasure, and yet at the same time can show your true love towards your partner.  The sheer intimacy of these moments is remarkable, and you can obtain more of them by moving sex into a position where both partners have received sexual healing. And the whole process also increases sexual self-confidence and the strength of emotional bonds within a relationship.

Having said all that, this is not some big deal sexually.  It's best to keep the process light, to enjoy it, to laugh, and to have fun.  You may find as you massage a woman's G spot that there is subsequently a release of strong emotion: either tears or joy or anger - perhaps even rage.  None of this is directed at you: it is the discharge of emotions repressed and unfelt at the time of some sexual experiences which were not working for the highest good of the woman concerned.

The amazing fact that the vagina can be healed through intimate sexual massage gives a couple the opportunity to establish much greater sexual intimacy as well as obtaining much greater orgasmic pleasure from their love-making.  Since this is a very intimate process, you need to be careful of two things: do not have any sharp fingernails, so you do not damage the delicate lining of the vagina, and also be mindful of infection. My assumption is that you will be doing this work with a partner whose sexual history is known to you.  If this is not the case, then please make sure that you wear latex gloves to avoid any question of cross infection.

The woman who is receiving the sexual massage should lie down in a way that enables her to be truly relaxed.  In other words, there should be no distractions,  whether these be children, telephone, domestic jobs, or anything else.  The room should be warm enough to ensure her comfort, and that of her partner if he is massaging her naked. Since this process is intimate both sensually and sexually, the best position for the woman is the one she would adopt if she was enjoying the man on top sex position. She may raise the upper part of her body; if she does  so, she needs to be comfortably supported with her legs apart and perhaps her knees raised very slightly so that her partner has free access to her vulva.

It's always nice to create a sacred space with flowers, candles, essential oils, feathers, and anything else which attracts you and your partner as meaningful in the creation of your own sacred sexual space.  The process of sexual healing may take up to 90 minutes the first time you do it, although if you later repeat the exercise you may be able to do it faster.  Open your sexual ceremony by feeling the sexual energy flowing around her body and your own.  Enjoy a mutual greeting or exchange of heart energy - which you can do by placing your hands on each other's hearts, looking into each other's eyes, and sending wishes of love and well-being to each other. 

The man then approaches the woman's vulva gradually, working up to it with massage of her whole body. He can gradually massage up her thighs, around her pelvis, and perhaps over the lower part of her buttocks, at all times maintaining his awareness of what he is doing, so that the movements do not become repetitive or routine or unthinking.

If you are the man, your objective is to gradually arouse your partner, so watch for the first signs of her arousal. This will come after you have massaged her body in general and her genitals in particular for long enough to ensure that she is sexually aroused and showing signs of increasing sexual arousal. When she is ready to allow penetration, look out for a subtle movement of her pelvis towards you, or a rotation of her hips or pubic bone.

Ask permission to penetrate her with one or two fingers as she desires. Your objective is then to massage the inner tissue of her vagina, starting near the outside and working inwards. If at any point she expresses or feels pain, you should gently press on that point without moving your finger, while sending loving energy flowing through her tissue until the pain dissipates. These knots of tension can be the result of sexual trauma, or at least the memory of sexual trauma, which has accumulated in an area of tissue, so dispersing it is important.  As these sexual injuries heal you may feel a sensation of heat, which continues until the pain and injury has dissipated. (Bear in mind that these are not physical wounds - they are cellular memories of emotional wounds.)

It's also important for your partner to give feedback on what she is feeling, what she requires you to do, and what state of sexual arousal she has reached. For example, how do you move your fingers? In the bottom area of the vagina, near her rectum, you may be able to feel the base of her spine and her sacrum. Apply gentle but firm pressure using a zigzag movement with straight fingers in this area: and communicate with your partner, asking her to express any emotions which may come up when you massage this area. 

In the rest of the front portion of the vagina, around the vaginal introitus and a little way inside, use a finger tip circular movement, gently seeking out those areas of tissue holding emotional wounds and applying gentle pressure until you sense the sexual injury healing. By the way, it is important that you keep moving your own position during this sexual massage; if you are uncomfortable or tense, your mind will probably not be in the right place to fully switch off and fully enter the sensual realm.

One of the most important positions for this kind of sexual/spiritual massage is the G spot.  There is an area of tissue called the urethral sponge on the upper middle part of her vagina; some people say that this is actually the G spot; others say that it is a separate area of tissue.  For now, it doesn't really matter: what matters is that you are able to locate the G spot for your woman, especially if her sexual experiences have been very negative. If this is her sexual position, she will most likely have an  insensitive G spot which will not register pleasure even with a loving touch. This is certainly an area where much pain, sexual tension, resentment, and emotion can accumulate.  The dispersal of this energy can lead to a much greater awareness of sexual energy and sexual pleasure.

In the deeper parts of the vagina, before you reach the cervix, there is an arch-like space where the vagina balloons during sexual arousal. When you push against the tissue here with your finger tip - but not against the cervix directly - your partner may feel tension, a sense of "burning", a desire to urinate, some sort of emotional or physical pain, or anxiety and fear. Reassure her that you are with her during the experience and encourage her to tell you what she is experiencing. As you give sexual healing, the positions which hold traumatic memories will give up the energy they hold from any sexual issues she may have received inadvertently (e.g. penetration before she was ready) or deliberately (e.g. rape) in the past.

As a man stimulating your partner, keep in mind that rhythmic stimulation of the G spot needs patience, care and time.  And it may also need more lubrication than a woman naturally produces, so have plenty of water-based lubricant on hand for this process of sexual massage. When she is highly aroused, the rhythmic stroking of your finger across her G spot will allow her to reach a very powerful orgasm. This si especially true if she is stimulating her own clitoris at the same time, or indeed if you are stimulating it for her. If you are dong it, keep your focus and find the rhythm that will encourage her progress towards orgasm.

As she approaches orgasm she may feel her vaginal muscles squeezing rhythmically and sense a "ballooning" out of the upper part of her vagina (this area opens up during orgasm). If she experiences the sensation that her uterus and cervix are pressing down into her vagina, it may be a sign that she is ready for even greater sexual stimulation, taking you both to an exploration of even higher levels of sexual arousal. In this case, it is possibly appropriate to continue sexual stimulation and look for the achievement of a deeper, more profound "blended" orgasm at this point.

What is actually most important is to listen to the woman's sense of whether or not she could achieve another orgasm. Is she in fact motivated to go for a blended orgasm - blended orgasms involve a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm or the even deeper experience of a vaginal and a uterine orgasm blended together.

But these more profound sexual orgasms will only happen if she is confident and trusting of you, her partner, and you are truly dedicated to giving her the greatest pleasure. If you are feeling impatient or in any other way stressed, it is better to leave this for another time when you can focus completely on the sensual intimacy of what you are doing.

Finally for complete sexual healing, you need to repeat this process about six times in the space of 12 months. Throughout this process you will find your lovemaking becomes more enjoyable, more sexual, more sensual, more orgasmic, and more rewarding for both of you.

Next we shall consider the healing of the penis.