Sex Positions & Techniques
The best sexual positions and the finest lovemaking techniques!
Advice for men and women - making oral sex better with your lover!
Cunnilingus - oral sex by him for her - making it great!
A lot of women would agree that oral sex - cunnilingus - is more important to them than intercourse. Why? Not because this is something to diminish the male ego, but because oral sex produces orgasms. While an average or slightly larger than average penis might be nice to look at and play with, oral sex really rocks most women's boats - and a man who takes the time to deliver it well and knows what he's doing is a man who's never going to go short of loving intercourse with his partner (one reason to keep offering her cunnilingus, guys!). Good oral sex for a woman means time, enthusiasm for the act, a complete lack of squeamishness on the part of the giver, and a desire to please your partner. Having said that, considering what a turn-on cunnilingus is for most men, it's not exactly an arduous piece of work.
If you're a man giving cunnilingus, start by getting your position right for oral sex. You must be comfortable, especially if your partner is looking to get her orgasm from this kind of stimulation, and even moreso if it might take a while for her to get there. The best way to avoid a crick in the neck is to stick a pillow under her bottom so that her hips are raised slightly. Make certain before you start that your neck is not going to develop a crick so you have to stop at the point where she's getting really aroused. If you have a spare finger handy (as you should have), then you'll probably want to slip it into her vagina at some point. If you know what the signs are (vaginal ballooning and the muscles around the entrance gripping your finger) you can tell when she's on the downhill slope to her orgasm; if you know the feel of her G spot, you'll know when to increase clitoral stimulation (when the G spot feels rough and ridged) and when to add more movement and pressure internally (when the G spot feel swollen and smooth).
Here are some of the best positions for cunnilingus - oral sex
In the usual oral sex position, she lies on the bed, with her knees bent outwards, and he lies between her legs. It makes things a bit easier if she opens her legs or pulls her knees up towards her chest - though that might be a bit difficult to maintain for long periods. It's essential that she's relaxed, because tension and discomfort will really get in the way of her orgasm.
For a really unusual experience, try having her lying on her side while he lies between her legs, carefully positioned between her thighs with her upper leg draped (loosely) around his neck. She may need to pull back the skin above her clit to give him clear access.
She sits on a sofa, her legs resting on the edge of the sofa or his shoulders, while he kneels between her legs and licks her clitoris. If she pulls her legs back, her anus is exposed for play, and her perineum is available for him to massage as well. This gives great access to the whole area.
She adopts a position in which you might have rear entry sex, kneeling on all fours, with her chest supported by cushions, while he kneels behind her and presses his face into her exposed vulva. Alternatively, if she dispenses with the cushions and kneels on all fours on a bed with her bottom facing him, he can slide under her and lick her clitoris from behind. He may need a pillow behind his head to get to the right height.
He lies on his back on the bed or floor and has his knees bent upwards at angle with his feet flat on the bed or the floor. She kneels over him, then leans backwards so her weight rests against his knees. Her vagina will be located over his mouth, giving him easy access, and she will be wide open to the attentions of his tongue.
Advice for men! How best to sexually stimulate a woman orally
Not all women find it easy to express their sexual needs. Unfortunately, the woman herself is certainly the only one who really knows what she wants! So make sure that you signal it's OK for her to express her desires and instruct you in what she wants as sex progresses - her inhibitions will come down as she gets more aroused. You can do this by asking her right at the start what she wants, so she knows she has "permission" to express her needs later.
Of course, this section isn't about how to arouse your partner - you can do that with all the things you know about foreplay (you do, don't you?). This section is about how to give great oral sex - cunnilingus, as if you didn't know already! The key rules are - keep it wet, keep it gentle, and keep it consistent. You know that a quick hand job will always get you off, but for a woman sexual stimulation is different - for her to find cunnilingus enjoyable, it needs to be consistent, gentle at first and possibly even until she's very near her orgasm, at which point you might speed up the stimulation and increase the pressure to tip her over into orgasm, and you need to keep stimulating her until her orgasm is complete.
Of course, good sex - both oral sex and vaginal intercourse - depends on more than good technique - intimacy, love, respect, trust and so on come to mind here - but knowing what to do and how best to do it in bed can certainly help make your love life better! And, as you know, when you've been with someone a while, it often needs a bit of bedroom skill and sexual excitement to stoke up the old fires of passion!
There's another important point here too! That good sex also depends on communication - a point especially true for oral sex. When you don't have the initial fiery passion of a relationship's early days to keep your sexual interest high, then you need to let your partner know what you'd like and what works for you in bed. If they simply have no idea whether or not their sexual techniques are pushing your buttons, then sex isn't likely to work very well. And of course communication doesn't have to be in words - it can be via body language, groans, moans, sighs, squirming under your lover's fingers - and much more!
Sexual technique - in this case knowing how to give oral sex well - starts with communication and knowing what your partner wants. It also means knowing how the body works and responds to various sexual stimuli. So here, in no particular order, are some very helpful hints for making oral sex better.....
The disappearing clitoris!
When a woman is close to orgasm, her clitoris tends to disappear under its hood and retract back into her body. This can be very confusing for men who may not know what position it's taken up, nor where they should try and stimulate their partner now that the clitoris has disappeared on them! The answer is to simply continue giving her cunnilingus by licking or fingering in the general area where you last saw her clitoris. You may also find that a bit of pressure on her lower abdomen with the palm of your hand near her vagina will make it reappear. You can also try parting her labia and pressing gently on ether side of the clitoral shaft to bring the clitoral glans back into full view.
The disappearing orgasm!
As a man you know that once your orgasm starts, it reaches its inevitable conclusion - ejaculation - quite quickly, regardless of what you or your partner may or may not do - although it is true that it will be stronger, and probably feel better, if you are thrusting in her, or your partner has her hand around your penis. But the point is that it pretty much continues anyway, regardless of the position you're in, once it has started. For her, it's different. Her orgasm may well stop if you don't continue stimulating her clitoris, even after she started to climax.
So - how best to give head, go down on her, give her cunnilingus? Most women prefer repetition - so when you find something that makes her moan with delight, or tell you how good it is, that's a great sign you should continue doing it! Unfortunately, the clitoris is a sensitive little organ so you may find that what excited her last time has no effect this time; you may find that what excites her when you start this time loses its appeal for no understandable reason as your sex play goes on, and you may find her shifting her vulva around in your face as she tries to keep the bit that feels most sensitive near your tongue! Ah, the problems of being a man!
You can also press the whole of your tongue against her genitals, or lick her vaginal opening while you press your upper lip against her clitoris, or lick up and to the side of the clitoris. The possibilities are unlimited, of course: it's all about finding out what she likes. One favorite of many women is to lick upwards towards the clitoris in the centre of her vulva, across her vaginal and urethral opening, but to stop just below the clitoris. This presses on the clitoris in a subtle way, sufficient to give the stimulation that will drive her towards orgasm but not so hard on the clitoris that it seems uncomfortable.
And you can even try tongue-fucking her: pressing your tongue in and out of her vaginal opening. She may or may not like this, but it's likely to be a big turn on for you! See how she responds to this - what you may well find is that at times she likes this as part of cunnilingus, and at other times she does not seem quite so enamored by it. Such is the way of the world when it comes to stimulating a woman sexually! One thing that can be helpful to you as a man in judging what is going on for your partner is this: the taste of her vaginal secretions will change when she reaches a certain level of arousal. That may not mean she's going to come, but it certainly means that she's on the road to orgasm. Also, if you slip a finger inside her while stimulating her orally and feel her G spot, this will give you some clear indications about what to do next. If her G spot is ridged and rough, then more attention round and about her clitoris is appropriate. If her G spot is smooth, swollen, and she responds to pressure on it with moans of delight, then a little less attention externally and a little more internally will be highly likely to excite her. At this point you might want to try sliding your finger in and out of her, finger fucking her, to mimic the movements of a penis fucking her hard as she nears orgasm. A word of warning, though! You need plenty of lubricant to ensure this is a pleasant experience for her - and her own natural lubrication may not be enough. Have some high quality artificial lube handy.
At this point I would like to turn attention back to you as the man stimulating your partner. One of the best ways to ensure sexual pleasure for both of you is to bring her to orgasm through manual play (masturbation) or cunnilingus (oral sex) before you enter her and enjoy sexual intercourse. The idea here is that this will allow you to satisfy her with an orgasm before you yourself reach orgasm. And that's not a bad idea, although the biggest drawback is that having had your face in your partner's pussy for as long as it takes to get her to orgasm means you are likely to be very aroused and going to ejaculate even quicker!
Another way in which you can use your fingers during cunnilingus is to rub a finger up and down her crack, over her vaginal opening, along side your tongue as you lick her. This may increase the sensations she feels and make the whole experience much more intense for her. Certainly it will be difficult for her to tell whether or not those sensations come from your finger or your tongue!
Generally, the less rushed she is, and the more comfortable she feels about taking her time to get to orgasm, the quicker it will happen. Most women need to be either highly aroused or extremely relaxed to reach orgasm easily, so the more she feels that there is no time pressure on her, the less likely it is to happen. You can aid this process by telling her that she has just as long as she wants or needs, and that she can relax and take her time. This will help to relax her and give her a sense that you really care about whether or not she reaches orgasm.
Furthermore, many women are
sensitive about the appearance of this part of their body, and they
are likely to be much more subject to self-doubt about how attractive
or appealing their genitals are than you are about your penis and
balls. So reassurance, even if you have to repeat it every time you
offer her cunnilingus, is very good for her sexual self-confidence,
and hence her ability to reach orgasm. You can provide this in several
ways, the simplest being just to tell her how attractive and desirable
her pussy (or whatever word you use between the two of you) is, how it
smells and tastes sweet, and how you love the taste of her juices. You
can also just look at her, express your desire with a few well-chosen
words ("Oh! My! God!") and then get your face back in there. You'll
know what to do! And finally, while you offer her cunnilingus, don't
forget to keep providing reassurance and affection by clasping her
hand, touching her breasts, massaging her buttocks and rubbing her