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the best position for you
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The basic lying-on-your-sides sex position
can help control the man control his ejaculation
The best sex position to commence ejaculation
control is one which places both of you comfortably lying on
your sides. You can get into this position most easily by making sexual
contact with the woman on her back. She spreads and bends her legs. Her
partner supports his body above her on his hands and knees. He brings his
penis into contact with the vagina (but not necessarily into deep
penetration). The woman then brings her legs up until they rest against her
man's upper thighs, and the couple then rolls together onto one side or the
other, remaining face to face.
This sexual position has several advantages. The man
can pause for as long as necessary to control his urge to ejaculate without
either tiring himself by supporting his weight or squashing his partner by
failing to do so. His angle of approach lines up his penis almost perfectly
with her vagina, keeping the amount of internal stretching to a minimum (which
might be more comfortable for some women). Both partners have their hands free
for caresses to the breast areas, the buttocks, the back and the thighs, which
can maintain her excitement when too rapid progress towards his climax makes
the man pause in his lovemaking, as often happens during the early days of a
relationship, or when a man is young and lusty! And the relatively limited
range of movement available to both partners keeps even quite poorly
synchronized movements from leading to the penis popping out of the vagina or
painful over-stretching of genital tissues.
For men: one way to
learn how to last
longer in bed is to stick to this sexual position almost exclusively until
you have learned to control the urge to ejaculate so that you can decide when
to bring yourself to climax. You might even want to make such control your
main objective in the first flush of a new relationship. The woman can
maintain your excitement with words, kisses, caresses, and such sexual
movements as she can manage unless you ask her to keep still. You can
cautiously try various sexual movements and rhythms with long pauses in
between to allow your desire to ejaculate to subside. These cautious and
interrupted periods of lovemaking work best in an on-your-sides sex position,
at least until the final surge of orgasm (for which you can roll back to the
man-on-top, woman-on-her-back posture if you wish).
Unfortunately there is a price to be paid for
the fact that the man gains greater control: his partner may lose much or all
of her sexual excitement during the long pauses between his movements. She
will almost never reach orgasm this way.....However, such sessions can make a
big difference in several ways. If both partners can learn how to judge and
influence the man's level of arousal, they can prolong sexual intercourse
quite considerably if they wish. And when a woman is not overcome with her own
passion, she can look for the tricks and caresses which she can later use to
increase both her own and her man's pleasure when she is aroused.
The biggest advantage is that the man gains
ejaculatory control. Both the man and the woman gain sexual confidence from
totally controlled lovemaking. He feels entirely secure in his sexual capacity
when he can say: "I've mastered my ejaculation so completely that I can make
love until I decide to end it." She feels perfect confidence in both her
attractiveness and sexual skill when she can say: "I've proved that I can
satisfy him one hundred per cent without him coming too soon."
Think less and
feel more!
Dealing with rapid ejaculation - another viewpoint
Whether a man comes too quickly, can't come
at all, or has to use fantasy to arouse himself so that he can actually have
sex, there is one common factor at work here: he is having too much sex in his
head.
Almost all sexual problems respond to an
approach where a man gets out of his head and into his body more. When a man
can respond to good feelings in his body more, and especially when he can
focus on exactly what's happening to him right now, during sex, this very
moment, he will feel less anxious, and worry less about how his performance is
holding up (not to mention his erection!).
Basically, sex is always a response to
physical stimulation and good feelings in the body. Sure, we respond to
fantasy, and to sexual desire which feels as though it is all in our head: but
for good sexual function, we must be aroused in our bodies as well.
Let's look at this a bit more. Mental
stimulation, in the form of fantasy (which covers just about all thinking
about and anticipation of sex) is not bad, or wrong, and it can actually
heighten physical arousal - not to mention being fun. But there are some down
sides to fantasy: for one thing, if a man has serious conflicts about his
sexuality, he may have to use fantasy to overcome his anxiety. A man with
premature ejaculation may become so aroused in his mind that he loses touch
with his body, after which he loses his ability to control when he ejaculates.
And a man who depends exclusively on his mental thoughts for his arousal may
find that as he gets older he loses the ability to become physically aroused.
The need to use fantasy to get aroused can
become so compelling that a man may find his attention splits during sex, so
part of his focus is on what he is doing and the other part is on
how well he is doing. And, as you may know, few things pose a greater
threat to sexual success than the thought of being judged about how you are
doing - even when you're the judge!
By contrast, a man who focuses on the
physical sensations of sex leaves little or no room for anxiety about how he
is doing. He doesn't speculate about how his performance measures up, as he is
absorbed in the physical pleasures of sex, the sensations of what he is
feeling.
You may be wondering whether such heavy use
of fantasy is really something unusual or unhelpful - don't all men do this,
you may be asking. Certainly if you fit into the category of a heavy-duty
fantasizer, you will now be thinking it odd than anyone would question this
approach to sex. Yes, but too much fantasy means
you lose control of your body because your attention is focused too much in
what's going on in your mind.
Well, OK then, you may say, but how do I
get aroused without some sexual thoughts? Well, the answer is that you do have
sexual thoughts - you just have fewer of them! You also learn to enjoy the
physical pleasure of sex by touching. The method you can use is a series of
touching exercises which you and your partner enjoy with each other -
exercises designed to bring you back into contact with your body, and allow
you to experience the pleasure of physical arousal.
Of course, a lot of men with premature
ejaculation think that if they just focus on the physical sensations of sex,
they are going to come even faster. This is actually not true, though at first
sight it looks logical. The thing is, you need to recognize the physical
sensations and feelings your body is giving you, to be able to recognize when
you are about to come.
Some men who start learning this kind of
ejaculatory control will think that when they do have sex, the extended
pleasure of long lasting intercourse is not as pleasurable as simply
ejaculating just whenever they are ready to, without any degree of control.
But the truth is that the reward of becoming a more skilful lover, one with
the ability to last as long as you want, and with greater ability to please a
woman during sex, is much greater than the instant gratification of rapid
ejaculation.
Click here to find out how you
can end premature
ejaculation and last longer in bed!
If you want the views of the professionals,
Medline
has a lot to say
on the causes of premature ejaculation.
Should you be having the opposite
problem - not being able to ejaculate during sex - this website is very helpful on the subject of delayed ejaculation's
causes and cures . Once again, here is
Medline
on the same subject.
If these happen to be sexual dysfunctions which you
are experiencing and you would rather not have them blighting your sex life,
the links above can be very helpful.
The man on top sex position
and learning ejaculation control
If you're starting your sex life, or want to
learn ejaculation control, you will usually find it easier to use an
"on-the-side" or "woman on top" sexual position. In
particular, this will allow a man to avoid premature ejaculation.
However, the basic missionary or man on top allows more intense sexual activity. In this
sexual position, the woman lies on her back with her legs spread, her knees partly
bent and her heels either resting on the mattress or cupped in the hollows
at the back of her partner's knees. The man rests his weight on her hands and knees
directly above her body, with his knees together between her legs. After
penetration, he may shift part of his weight to his elbows so that his hands
are partially free, or he may curl his back to allow some mouth-to-breast
play. The woman has both
hands completely free and can easily reach
most of her man's sexually sensitive parts. She has good purchase with her
legs to permit to-and-fro and rotary movements of her hips. She can take quite an
active part in intercourse.
The man on top sex position calls for somewhat more skill and
control of both sexual rhythm and ejaculation than the side by side sexual posture. The man usually finds that he cannot relax
- he must be tense to maintain his position - and this does not help him discover how to stop premature ejaculation. In fact, the tense muscles he has
in this position (or indeed any position in which he must hold himself up) makes
both "quivering" and muscular
tension inevitable even if he stops all sexual activity. Add the fact that the
woman's sexual thrusting in this position can easily speed her man into
climax, which is not generally true in the side by side positions, and you
have another factor adding to the ejaculation control
problem. This means both man and woman must keep the man's sexual excitement
somewhat below the level which precipitates his orgasm and ejaculation, and both must expect an
occasional quick conclusion while they are learning the necessary
control.
It's much easier to master
ejaculation control in the side by side or woman on top position before you
try the standard man on top posture. The man on top sexual position, in
addition to all its other advantages and disadvantages, calls for
synchronized sexual movement, which requires considerable concentration and
often proves too distracting until you have thoroughly mastered climax
control.
At first, the woman will find it easiest to synchronize her
movement by keeping one or both hands lightly on her man's hip or buttock,
being careful not to take the pace-setting role away from him by leading, but
simply timing her own movements to correspond. The man should generally
limit his motions both in frequency and in extent to allow his partner to follow
them in perfect rhythm, especially when one or both begin to approach their
climax. At this point, instinct will push you toward such rapid thrusting
movements that
synchronized movement will break down unless you use deliberate restraint. The
satisfaction you will receive through simultaneous orgasm will well repay the extra self-control, though.
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