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The basic lying-on-your-sides sex position
can help control the man control his ejaculation
The best sex position to commence ejaculation
control is one which places both of you comfortably lying on your sides.
You can get into this position most easily by
making sexual contact with the woman on her back.
She spreads and bends her legs. Her partner
supports his body above her on his hands and knees. He brings his penis into
contact with the vagina (but not necessarily into deep penetration).
The woman then brings her legs up until they
rest against her man's upper thighs, and the couple then rolls together onto
one side or the other, remaining face to face.
This sexual position has several advantages.
The man can pause for as long as necessary to control his urge to ejaculate
without either tiring himself by supporting his weight or squashing his
partner by failing to do so.
His angle of approach lines up his penis almost
perfectly with her vagina, keeping the amount of internal stretching to a
minimum (which might be more comfortable for some women).
Both partners have their hands free for
caresses to the breast areas, the buttocks, the back and the thighs, which can
maintain her excitement when too rapid progress towards his climax makes the
man pause in his lovemaking, as often happens during the early days of a
relationship, or when a man is young and lusty!
And the relatively limited range of movement
available to both partners keeps even quite poorly synchronized movements from
leading to the penis popping out of the vagina or painful over-stretching of
For men: one way to understand the effects of premature ejaculation is
to click here
and see what this site has to say on the matter.
When you have learned to control the urge to
ejaculate you can decide when to bring yourself to climax.
You might even want to make such control your
main objective in the first flush of a new relationship.
The woman can maintain your excitement with
words, kisses, caresses, and such sexual movements as she can manage unless
you ask her to keep still.
cautiously try various sexual movements and rhythms with long pauses in
between to allow your desire to ejaculate to subside.
These cautious and
interrupted periods of lovemaking work best in an on-your-sides sex position,
at least until the final surge of orgasm (for which you can roll back to the
man-on-top, woman-on-her-back posture if you wish).
Unfortunately there is a price to be paid for
the fact that the man gains greater ejaculation control: his partner may lose much or all
of her sexual excitement during the long pauses between his movements. She
will almost never reach orgasm this way.....
However, such sessions can make a big
difference in several ways. If both partners can learn how to judge and
influence the man's level of arousal, they can prolong sexual intercourse
quite considerably if they wish.
And when a woman is not overcome with her own
passion, she can look for the tricks and caresses which she can later use to
increase both her own and her man's pleasure when she is aroused.
The biggest advantage is that the man gains
Both the man and the woman gain sexual
confidence from totally controlled lovemaking.
He feels entirely secure in his sexual capacity
when he can say: "I've mastered my ejaculation so completely that I can make
love until I decide to end it." She feels perfect confidence in both her
attractiveness and sexual skill when she can say: "I've proved that I can
satisfy him one hundred per cent without him coming too soon."
Think less and
Dealing with rapid ejaculation - another viewpoint
Whether a man comes too quickly, can't come
at all, or has to use fantasy to arouse himself so that he can actually have
sex, there is one common factor at work here: he is having too much sex in his
Almost all sexual problems respond
to an approach where a man gets out of his head and into his body more.
When a man can respond to good
feelings in his body more, and especially when he can focus on exactly what's
happening to him right now, during sex, this very moment, he will feel less
anxious, and worry less about how his performance is holding up (not to
mention his erection!).
Basically, sex is always a response to
physical stimulation and good feelings in the body. Sure, we respond to
fantasy, and to sexual desire which feels as though it is all in our head: but
for good sexual function, we must be aroused in our bodies as well.
Let's look at this a bit more.
Mental stimulation, in the form of fantasy (which covers just about all
thinking about and anticipation of sex) is not bad, or wrong, and it can
actually heighten physical arousal - not to mention being fun.
But there are some down sides to
fantasy: for one thing, if a man has serious conflicts about his sexuality, he
may have to use fantasy to overcome his anxiety.
A man with premature ejaculation
may become so aroused in his mind that he loses touch with his body, after
which he loses his ability to control when he ejaculates.
And a man who depends exclusively
on his mental thoughts for his arousal may find that as he gets older he loses
the ability to become physically aroused.
The need to use fantasy to get aroused can
become so compelling that a man may find his attention splits during sex, so
part of his focus is on what he is doing and the other part is on
how well he is doing.
And, as you may know, few things
pose a greater threat to sexual success than the thought of being judged about
how you are doing - even when you're the judge!
By contrast, a man who focuses on the
physical sensations of sex leaves little or no room for anxiety about how he
is doing. He doesn't speculate about how his performance measures up, as he is
absorbed in the physical pleasures of sex, the sensations of what he is
You may be wondering whether such heavy use
of fantasy is really something unusual or unhelpful - don't all men do this,
you may be asking.
Certainly if you fit into the category of a heavy-duty fantasizer, you will now be thinking it odd than anyone would question this
approach to sex. Yes, but too much fantasy means
you lose control of your body because your attention is focused too much in
what's going on in your mind.
Well, OK then, you may say, but
how do I get aroused without some sexual thoughts? Well, the answer is that
you do have sexual thoughts - you just have fewer of them! You also learn to
enjoy the physical pleasure of sex by touching.
The method you can use is a series
of touching exercises which you and your partner enjoy with each other -
exercises designed to bring you back into contact with your body, and allow
you to experience the pleasure of physical arousal.
Of course, a lot of men with
premature ejaculation think that if they just focus on the physical sensations
of sex, they are going to come even faster.
This is actually not true, though
at first sight it looks logical.
The thing is, you need to
recognize the physical sensations and feelings your body is giving you, to be
able to recognize when you are about to come.
Some men who start learning this
kind of ejaculatory control will think that when they do have sex, the
extended pleasure of long lasting intercourse is not as pleasurable as simply
ejaculating just whenever they are ready to, without any degree of control.
But the truth is that the reward
of becoming a more skilful lover, one with the ability to last as long as you
want, and with greater ability to please a woman during sex, is much greater
than the instant gratification of rapid ejaculation.
Click here to find out how you
can end premature
ejaculation and last longer in bed!
If you want the views of the professionals,
check out the causes of premature ejaculation.
Should you be having the opposite
problem - not being able to ejaculate during sex - this website is very helpful on the subject of delayed ejaculation -
this is what you need .
If these happen to be sexual dysfunctions which you
are experiencing and you would rather not have them blighting your sex life,
the links above can be very helpful.
The man on top sex position
and learning ejaculation control
If you're starting your sex life, or want to
learn ejaculation control, you will usually find it easier to use an
"on-the-side" or "woman on top" sexual position. In
particular, this will allow a man to avoid premature ejaculation.
However, the basic missionary or man on top
allows more intense sexual activity. In this sexual position, the woman lies
on her back with her legs spread, her knees partly bent and her heels either
resting on the mattress or cupped in the hollows at the back of her partner's
The man rests his weight on her hands and knees
directly above her body, with his knees together between her legs.
After penetration, he may shift part of his
weight to his elbows so that his hands are partially free, or he may curl his
back to allow some mouth-to-breast play.
The woman has both hands completely free and
can easily reach most of her man's sexually sensitive parts. She has good
purchase with her legs to permit to-and-fro and rotary movements of her hips.
She can take quite an active part in intercourse.
The man on top sex position calls for somewhat
more skill and control of both sexual rhythm and ejaculation than the side by
side sexual posture.
The man usually finds that he cannot relax - he
must be tense to maintain his position - and this does not help him discover
how to stop premature ejaculation.
In fact, the tense muscles he has in this
position (or indeed any position in which he must hold himself up) makes both
"quivering" and muscular tension inevitable even if he stops all sexual
Add the fact that the woman's sexual thrusting
in this position can easily speed her man into climax, which is not generally
true in the side by side positions, and you have another factor adding to the
ejaculation control problem.
This means both man and woman must keep the man's
sexual excitement somewhat below the level which precipitates his
orgasm and ejaculation,
and both must expect an occasional quick conclusion while they are learning
the necessary control.
It's much easier to master ejaculation control
in the side by side or woman on top position before you try the standard man
on top posture.
The man on top sexual position, in addition to
all its other advantages and disadvantages, calls for synchronized sexual
movement, which requires considerable concentration and often proves too
distracting until you have thoroughly mastered climax control.
At first, the woman will find it easiest to
synchronize her movement by keeping one or both hands lightly on her man's hip
or buttock, being careful not to take the pace-setting role away from him by
leading, but simply timing her own movements to correspond.
The man should generally limit his motions both
in frequency and in extent to allow his partner to follow them in perfect
rhythm, especially when one or both begin to approach their climax.
At this point, instinct will push you toward
such rapid thrusting movements that synchronized movement will break down
unless you use deliberate restraint. The satisfaction you will receive through
simultaneous orgasm will well repay the extra self-control, though.