Sex Techniques and Positions

The best guide to sex positions and lovemaking techniques on the Internet.

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Sex Positions For First Timers and the Sexually Inexperienced

If you haven't actually been to bed with someone yet, you may want to read our general advice for men and women before you have sex for the first time.

On this page we give you some ideas about the sex positions you might like to try during your early sexual explorations.

Sex positions advice - mostly for men

Why would it matter how you get it together? Well, young men don't generally last very long. They're too horny and over-aroused. Sure, provided your partner's willing, you can always have a second go, but premature ejaculation - or even just quick ejaculation - is often just as quick second time around. If you want to give your partner pleasure, then you might want to try the positions where you last the longest. But there are other factors too.

First, some sex positions are harder to get into than others. If you're not that confident anyway, trying to maneuver yourself into a twisted figure of 8 while keeping your penis from popping out of your girl's vagina may not be the easiest thing in the world.

Second, during sex you'll pop faster in some positions than others. Of course, if you have an understanding girlfriend, this may not matter, but if you want to be a good lover, and develop your skills, you can - for most of the time, anyway - stick to the less arousing sex positions. That way, you'll last a bit longer. For example, rear entry is an arousing and exciting position, notorious for making men come fast. You look down on your partner's rear end as your penis enters and leaves her body.....which is very exciting, so unless you've developed some self-control, sex probably won't last long in that position!

Third, your partner may not be very experienced herself, and she might want you to take the lead as she learns more about sex. If you choose the easier positions, you'll take a bit of pressure off yourself. 

Fourth, you might actually prefer sex in the simpler, easier positions. Being able to fuck in the harder-to-get-into, acrobatic ones is often not the mark of a good lover but of someone who's not bothered to find out how to get pleasure from simpler ways of making love, and thinks that trying something complicated will make sex better. That's not true - good sex is based on intimacy, love and caring for your partner, not technical ability.

Still, enough of that. Which are the good positions?

Man on top sex positions

The oldest and still the best position for sex! Your girl lies on her back, with her legs apart, and you lie on top, supporting yourself on your knees and elbows (she may actually like to feel your weight resting on her, but don't assume that without asking her. She won't thank you for squashing her!). You're most likely to have your legs between hers; she can rest her feet on your calves or bring her legs higher up you back if she wants - though that's usually easiest after you've completed your initial docking maneuver. 

If you're not experienced at getting your cock into a woman's pussy, admit it and ask her to guide you in with her hand. Don't just peck ineffectually around the entrance to her vagina with your knob! It may be a bit easier if she raises her hips by resting her butt on a pillow, but generally speaking, getting into her pussy isn't hard in this position. Make sure you have enough lube on the condom, or if you're not using one, on your penis. Saliva is always a good stand-by.

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OK, what next?

Woman on top sex positions

Another easy one, but it does need some confidence on your partner's part. You might say, well, what's to be confident about? The answer is she may be a bit self-conscious with her body exposed to your eager eyes (especially if she has some issues with the size or shape of her breasts or body), or she simply may not know what to do.

So you, the man, start by laying on your back, and work up an erection if you're not already hard. Maybe this is a good time to try a spot of fellatio (she sucks and licks your cock) or "69" (she sucks you as you lick her pussy - she'll be kneeling over you, her ass towards you and her face in your groin). However you do it, once you're hard, have her sit on you, facing you, holding your penis and guiding it into herself as she slowly descends onto you. The great advantage is that she can control the speed at which your penis penetrates her, so if she's not confident, that may help her feel like she's the one who's in charge. 

What happens next is up to you. Obviously the idea is to have her ride you, either by moving her hips in a circular pattern or by raising and lowering herself up and down your penis. Take it slowly and she'll soon get the idea!

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Sex positions advice - mostly for women

If you're in the happy position of having sex for the first time, it can be a bit overwhelming. Have you made the right choice? Are you happy to lose your virginity to this man? Does he love and respect you? How do you make it good for both of you ? 

The first few questions are ones for you to think about. Only you know when you're ready to give it up; it's something to think carefully about because you can only do once in a lifetime. This may be important to you, it may not. But don't have sex just because you feel under pressure, for it's a big step. 

If you're not used to men, and perhaps a little inexperienced with penises, don't worry. Just treat it as he treats it and you'll be fine. It's a bit of an exaggeration, but not much, to say that no matter what you do to his penis, he'll like it. But he'll certainly like it most if it's in your mouth or pussy. If he's new to sex, he's likely to ejaculate quite quickly, so make sure you've had your orgasm before he enters you. He can give you cunnilingus or you can show him how you like to masturbate so he knows how to get you off.

If you want to be in control the first time you have sex, woman on top is the position for you. You can slide down onto his penis at a speed that suits you.

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If you'd rather let him take the lead, then man on top would be a better choice.

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Remember that even when you enjoy man on top sex, you're not meant to lie there passively, doing nothing. You can take an active part in sex by moving your hips and pelvis, altering the position of your legs, and even thrusting your hips back and forth. If you know how to clench your vaginal muscles, you can give both of you extra pleasure. It's also worth remembering that he may make a lot of noise when he comes - if you're already used to people making enough noise to startle the neighbors during sex, this may not bother you. If you're a quiet comer, maybe you could learn to copy his example!

Sex Advice If You're Just Starting Your Sex Life

General advice for men and women

Confidence breeds confidence, and nowhere is this so true as in the field of interpersonal relationships and especially sex. You have to start somewhere - if it's all too scary, you're never going to get laid. So start with the assumption that you can do it - just as many other men have done it before you; and remember that for every shy man there is a shy woman, just waiting for the right man to come along and enjoy finding out what it's like to have sex, be intimate, and be in a relationship.

And you don't have to start out with the advanced stuff - you're not aiming to be an amazing lover, just a basically satisfactory, fun guy to be with in bed, one who knows a thing or two. 

First and foremost, it's an obvious truth that women and men like different things in bed. Men like a quick orgasm, women like romance and lots of gentle, sensuous stimulation leading up to full sex. But here's the surprise - men can grow to like that too! And as a man you'll enjoy being in a position where you can do that stuff for a woman. It's part of the man's role to give his partner sexual satisfaction - and though a lot of women might argue with that statement, even in today's world, where women are (supposedly) sexually confident and liberated, it still holds true for a lot of people a lot of the time. In any event, while you don't own her orgasm or her sexual pleasure, you're a big part of it! And being a good lover - which means being generous and working to please your partner - can make you, as a man, feel good about yourself. So - develop a giving attitude. In response, she's going to do as much as she can to see that you have a good time! (It's very important to a woman to know that her man fancies her, and wants to romance her and make love to her; in addition, a woman likes to be told that a man has enjoyed making love with her.) By the way, a woman who cares about her man will always want sex to be good for him, and since that mostly depends on how aroused she is, you have a good reason to spend time on foreplay! 

Second, a woman usually takes longer to get aroused and be ready for penetrative sex than a man (between ten and twenty times as long, in fact - so think twenty minutes, not two), but once she is aroused, she may want to continue with sex after her first orgasm. That can be true for men as well, especially in their twenties and thirties, but it's also true that men usually need at least some recovery time between one orgasm and the next, and this is often not so for a woman. However, you need to find out the nature of your partner's sexual preferences - if her first orgasm is big and powerful enough, she may be satisfied to stop there. 

Third, you learned early on what you like and don't like about having your penis held and stimulated, but you may be surprised to find that a woman's preferred stimulation changes from day to day and even within one session of lovemaking. She may tell you to do something one day, and you find it brings her to orgasm easily; the next time you make love you may find she says that she doesn't like it when you do the same thing. Puzzling, for sure, until you understand that a woman's sexual response is much more in the moment that a man's. She may not, for example, even know if she wants to have an orgasm before you start making love. So while you're busy playing with her clitoris, she may suddenly tell you to stop and say that she wants you inside her. It's not that you're doing anything wrong; it's just that a woman's sexual awareness develops during lovemaking.

So how do you deal with all this? Not by having a terrific knowledge of sexual positions and techniques, that's for sure. No, you simply pay attention to what is going on in bed, to the signals and signs that she is giving you, the signs that will help you decide what to do next. And you also take it slowly. If you just want to get on her and jump her bones, she may co-operate, but she won't like it (and the chances are you'll feel bad about it too, unless you're completely selfish), and the truth is she'll do nothing to make you feel better next time - in or out of bed. After all, if you can't be bothered to meet her needs, why should she meet yours?

Start with kissing and fondling. You probably already know how to do that, which is good, since it gives you something to work at before you move on to more serious matters. So, when your clothes come off, you can still carry on kissing and cuddling....and remember, kissing doesn't have to be limited to the lips. You can kiss her all over, dry kissing, sensitively brushing her body with your lips and perhaps your tongue - though she may not appreciate being covered in saliva. And think of her body as an all-over sex organ, a sensitive surface which can come alive with the delicacy of your touch. But don't be ineffectual - women like a man who shows some strength and focus: a weak, random touch is not very stimulating. Be firm but gentle; and if you sense her responses mean she wants a firmer touch, then try that out. If you're tuned in to her response, you'll know how quickly you can speed things up or apply a firmer touch or stroke.

And for goodness's sake don't be afraid to ask her occasionally if she likes what you're doing - if you don't know, and she's hating it, but afraid to say so, then things aren't going to get very passionate! Women do not, by the way, generally like you to head straight for their nipples and vulva. You want to start caressing her on her non-sexual areas, working your way to her breasts when she begins to show, through her breathing and body language, that she wants a more intimate touch.

Let her do the same thing to you. Men aren't brought up to enjoy whole body sensitivity, but it's a certainty that you have the same number of nerve endings in your skin as she does, and the same capacity to enjoy being caressed and fondled. Moreover, the longer you enjoy foreplay (if that's what this is - some would just think of this as a part of sex itself!) the more semen you will produce, and the more powerful and enjoyable your ejaculation will be when you do eventually come. And communicate with her - tell her when you like what she is doing. You don't even have to put this into words - you can make some encouraging noises, for example!

Now, you may or may not know that many women's favorite sexual activity is cunnilingus. (That's when you kiss and lick her vulva and clitoris.) Yes, as a man, you need to be an expert at cunnilingus to be a good lover. Here's a place where you can learn the ins and outs. Hopefully you'll bring her to orgasm before you enter her. Why? Well, she'll be ready for more sexual fun after she's come; she'll most likely want to feel your penis inside her, and her vagina will be warm and swollen, ready to receive your penis.

Remember that women are the sexual counterpart of men: just as you want to penetrate her, she wants to be penetrated, often just as intensely as you want it. That's an important thing to remember - along with the fact that she has to be turned on first, and cunnilingus is a great way to turn her on even more - after the kissing and cuddling.

Above all, don't get too uptight about bringing her off with your penis through vaginal thrusting. It usually - most of the time - doesn't work that way. Only a small minority of women will come through vaginal thrusting alone; most need additional clitoral stimulation, which you or she can do before, during or after intercourse (the thrusting bit where you have your cock in her pussy, I mean). Read about a real woman's sexuality here. But the fact that you may not be able to get her off by fucking her doesn't mean she doesn't want to be fucked!

And women - remember he's not a mind reader. If he is doing something you like, then gets distracted and goes off at a tangent, don't just lie there feeling grumpy -tell him what he did wrong and say what you'd like him to do instead. Or take his hand and put it where you want it, for example. Above all, don't just lie there passively giving him no feedback. If he doesn't hear from you, or see you move like you're enjoying it, he'll probably stop, thinking he's doing it wrong.

You may be wondering where does fellatio - when she licks or sucks your penis - feature in all this? The answer is that it can feature wherever you as a couple want to put it: during foreplay, before the man enters the woman but after she has had an orgasm through cunnilingus, or even instead of penetration and intercourse. You choose!

As a first time man, you're likely to explode when you enter her, or pretty soon afterwards. If she's had some decent foreplay, and she's come through cunnilingus (or masturbation delivered by you), this won't matter so much. Don't pretend you're a sexpert if you're not: so, if you need help as you move your cock into her, say so ("Guide me in, please") and be gentle but firm as you enter her. Once you're in, rest a moment before you begin to thrust in and out, savoring what it feels like; take it slowly - you don't have anything to prove. And if you come prematurely, just enjoy it. Too bad you had first timer's premature ejaculation. As you get older and more experienced, you'll discover how to avoid the effects of premature ejaculation and last longer during sex. Better luck next time, or as you get more experienced. Just don't try and hold back - it won't work and you won't enjoy your orgasm so much. Just tell her what's happening ("Oh my God, I'm coming") and cuddle her when it's over. If you do last longer, fantastic! Take your pleasure slowly and kiss and cuddle her. Look into her eyes as you make love; don't tell her you love her unless it's true!

Men often wonder what will happen when they penetrate their girl for the first time. The answer is that you'll probably find your instinct takes over and you just automatically know what to do. Thrusting is a pretty deep instinctual response to having your penis in a woman! But basically, all you do is move your penis in and out, often by moving your hips back and forwards. That feels especially good if you're in the man on top position - see more first time sex advice here!

Even though it's a lot to take in, you can still slow down and cuddle and kiss while you think about how it feels to be inside her and what's happening for you. To slow down your approach to ejaculation, you can stop thrusting and lie still (and that means her as well, so you may have to ask her to keep still!)

As for penis size: if you have a caring attitude, and you love cuddles and cunnilingus, it won't matter what size you are. Unless you have the misfortune to have a large penis, in which case you'd better not thrust too hard or deep, unless you want to bang her cervix. She's not likely to let you near her again if you do, though. (Think being kicked in the balls here.)

By the way, if you like to shout when you come, make sure your mouth is not near her ear. I did that once, and she was deaf for days....

To reiterate the point, once you're through, cuddle and snuggle each other. It's a warm and loving moment which she will treasure, and you need to appreciate it as well if you're going to be invited back. And if you want to share your secrets, this is a good time to do it. But don't poke fun at anything that happened while you made love. That's disgraceful - if someone opens up to you during sex, or screams something personal at the moment of orgasm - keep their confidence. Unless, of course, it happens to be someone else's name they shouted...

And finally, don't rely too much on a fixed routine. Find out what your partner likes and treat her to that - as an example, does she like her nipples sucked or not? Does she like fast thrusting or slow? Or one sometimes and the other at other times? It's all great fun finding out. And if she's a virgin as well, you might like to read about first time sex at the-penis.com

Above all, relax, have fun and enjoy yourselves. Then, and only then, can you start to play with positions and new techniques.

Helpful links for young women having sex for the first time: 

Kama Sutra Sex positions This modern Kama Sutra features hundreds of sex techniques & sexual positions in photos, starring attractive models in real life committed relationships. High quality images will show you the ins and outs of all the sex positions you never thought possible, show you exactly how to enjoy them, and reveal how you can get most pleasure out of your sex life! It's the perfect guide to sex for all men and women everywhere.

avert.org a bit formal, but good advice from a young people's healthcare website. It has stories of what happened to other people the first time they had sex.

What position should you use for sex the first time? Well, IVillage say "any position in which you use a condom!" It's fun to read the boards where other women talk about what happened to them during sex (first time or not.)

The Lovers' Guide has a nice set of articles with illustrations on sex positions.

Avert.org and The Site.org have some useful advice for deciding if you're ready for sex.

And here's some information about what may happen during sex.


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